


The Search for The Winter Soldier

by DiaryofaWriter



Series: Rebuilding After the Fall [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Blood, Both Hawkingbird and Skyeward are secondary couples, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Guns, Knives, Oral Sex, Potential Triggers, Sex, Sexual Content, mentions of torture, more trigger warning tags to be added as story progresses, there will be no smexy times for them in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-13 14:06:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3384470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiaryofaWriter/pseuds/DiaryofaWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Natasha is determined to find the Winter Soldier before Steve Rogers can.  Forced to face the pain of her past in Russia and the KGB, she and Bucky Barnes must work together to find out how to find out who they both are without S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Natalia Alianovna Romanova_.

The name had been spoken by a—was he a robot or a computer program?—no more than forty-eight hours ago.  It had been some sixty years since she had last heard someone speak that name to her.  She knew that, because the memory of that day was seared into her mind forever. 

But it wasn't the name itself that was causing her to stare intently at an image on a computer screen as the sun started to rise.  What was keeping her awake was the image itself.

Bucky Barnes, Steve had called him.  Nat hadn't known him by any specific name, all those years ago.  He'd been, much like her, a simple tool for their superiors.  But unlike her, he had not been allowed to keep his humanity.  While the KGB and the Red Room had purposefully trained her to be cold, distant and untouchable, they had torn him apart and made him a living machine to suit their purposes. 

Had HYDRA been inside of the KGB, as it had been hiding inside of S.H.I.E.L.D. for all these years?  It would make sense, really.  Nothing was truly impenetrable; especially not an agency that relied on the discretion of its agents to stay pure and focused on its mission.  Slowly resting the tips of her fingers against her lips in thought, Nat continued staring at the image of the Winter Soldier.  Had he been a HYDRA pawn, even back then in Russia?  Had _she_?

No matter what answer she came up with, Nat felt at a loss.  It was not a feeling she particularly enjoyed. 

Sighing in frustration, she reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose.  Her eyes ached from the lack of sleep; but given all that had happened in the past few days, sleep wasn't really an option for her.  Steve was determined to find his old friend, but Nat knew more than the good Captain did about the man he was trying to locate and bring back into the fold.  She knew the way he would scream at night, when memories that Natalia had no part of plagued him.  She was intimately familiar with the way his metal arm felt against her heated skin as they fucked against the nearest surface, just grateful to have survived a mission.  There were things Nat knew that Steve would never fully understand about his friend, and a part of her hoped he would never have to understand them.

Still, because Steve _was_ a friend—one of the few she had in this life—she had reached out to a former KGB operative who was still operating in Kiev.  Nikolai had been… not a friend, exactly.  There were no friends in the Red Room, only Comrades.  But out of many of the males who were also within the Red Room, Nikolai had been one of the few that Nat could stand, even after she defected from Mother Russia.  They hadn't stayed too closely in contact after she fled in the late 1960s, of course.  During the years when Communism still reigned, it would have been suicide for Nikolai to be in contact with a known traitor of the state.  But he owed her a favor she'd never cashed in, and had been happy to provide her with the requested information.

The file would be arriving any day now, and Nat was not looking forward to that day.  Memories were already flooding her on a regular basis, now that she had faced off with the Winter Soldier himself for the first time since Odessa.  She didn't need to read the reports of his time with HYDRA and the KGB; didn't _want_ to do so.  But Steve thought he wanted to, so she would give him the damned file and hope for the best.

The really cynical part of Nat pointed out very sarcastically that in this case, there probably was no 'best case' scenario for anyone involved.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.  She frowned a little at this.  No reporters could be here at this hour, and this was not on the list of safehouses that S.H.I.E.L.D. had been aware of, so it would not have been leaked.  Steve was aware of the address, as they'd both agreed it would be for the best if they could keep tabs on one another in the aftermath of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s downfall.  The knock came again, and this time Nat was sure it wasn't Steve.  The super soldier had a bit more power behind his knocking, and this person sounded like they were much less intense.

Carefully, with a hand on the handle of her sidearm, Nat moved to the door and looked through the peephole.  It was a bike messenger.  That didn't automatically imply that he wasn't a threat, of course, but it did make it a little less likely that he was an assassin.  With her hand still on her sidearm, she opened the door only slightly.

"Yes?" she asked slowly.

"I have a package here for a…" the messenger looked down at the list in his hand.  "A 'Madam Natasha'?  Anybody by that name live here?"

Nat bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing out loud.  She hadn't used the alias of Madam Natasha since her last mission for the KGB.  Only Nikolai would have addressed a package to that name.  Answering the messenger in the affirmative, she reached out for his clipboard so she could sign for the package in question. 

With the door locked once more, Nat slowly moved to sit down on the floor, her back wedged into the corner as she looked at the crisp handwriting that declared the package was meant for her.  There could be no doubting what it was, given its size and weight, but still she didn't want to open it and prove herself right.  Slowly, she slid her finger along the edge of the package, finding the tab that instructed her to _lift to open_.  It was now or never.

A few moments later, the cardboard of the thick envelope was tossed aside as Nat found herself face to face with the folder she had never thought to see again.  Pictures of the face she had known since her youth were accompanied by detailed reports in Russian, German and English.  One in particular made her stop for a moment.

 _A comprehensive mental evaluation of Codename: Winter Soldier was conducted over the course of the past week.  Diagnoses are varied but most in Dept. X Science Team believe that his mental state is becoming unstable.  In the three years since he was awakened from stasis, it appears his mind is seeking to fill the holes in his memory, or possibly rebelling against the implanted programming he received originally.  The subject has recently begun to exhibit more than usual curiosity, even to the point of questioning orders from superiors, and once in the past month, he attacked a fellow operative, nearly killing him.  On interrogation, he could not explain his actions_.

Nat gasped softly as she read this, her hands shaking uncontrollably.  She remembered the incident in question vividly.  The entirety of Department X and the Red Room had been a-buzz with the news that the Winter Soldier had nearly killed one of their own.  No one knew what had caused this then, and it seemed that must have been more than a bit troubling to the Department's heads.  Biting her lip and forcing herself to stop shaking, she continued to read.

 _One theory is that just as he has reflex-memories which allow him to be such an effective operative, he may also have a deeply buried sense of who he was, or at least of what kind of person he was.  As such, this deeply buried idea may be causing him mental stress and triggering turmoil in his thoughts.  Another theory, which is more disturbing, is that he may actually be remembering his previous life, though in small pieces only.  It is therefore our recommendation that Codename: Winter Soldier be kept in stasis between missions, and that he undergo Mental Implantation at every awakening.  We believe this will correct his instability issues, so he can continue to be of use to Department X_.

A sob burst from Nat's throat as she finished reading, and the file fell from her numb fingers.  Covering her mouth hastily to stifle the sobs that continued to come, despite her best efforts to stem the tears that were flowing freely, Nat leaned her head back against the wall behind her. 

She had looked at the date on the report.  1957, it had read.  That had been not long before they were forced apart.  Their superiors had not been quick to put him into stasis.  He was too useful of a weapon to them, and so neither Nat nor the Winter Soldier had been aware of what awaited them.  Then they were discovered.

Her eyes burned as she continued to cry, the papers of the file scattered around her on the floor.  She had thought that all of this was behind her; a past that she would never be affected by again.  It was clear she had been very wrong.  Just thinking of those years, thinking of the look on his face as they were pulled apart and punished, made her chest tighten painfully.  She couldn't tell Steve about that much, Nat knew.  Forcing her tears back for now, she rummaged through the file's contents, trying to find any mention of the Black Widow. 

Only a few brief mentions were made, to her relief, and these were easily made to appear redacted.  With this taken care of, she carefully gathered up all the papers and rearranged them as they had been originally.  Then she walked into the bathroom to fix herself up.  She had to appear before the Senate today, and it wouldn't do to look as though she hadn't slept for nearly 72 hours and had been crying on top of that.  No, she had to look like she knew every secret worth knowing about all of those men on the stand before her, and she had to be ready to use that against them.

Just another day at the office.

~~~~

Nat stood off to the side, watching Fury, Steve and Wilson all talking together.  She didn't need to hear what was being said to understand the gist of it.  Fury was disappearing.  That was understandable; Nat had done something similar countless times before whenever things got too intense for her, or her cover was blown.  Fury had just found that the agency he'd dedicated his life to was corrupted and rotten to the core and was presumed dead by most of the world.  It would do him some good to get away from it all for a little while.  He looked like he could use the sleep.

When Fury finally walked off, Nat approached Steve, the file in hand.  Steve moved to meet her halfway.

"Not going with him?" he asked, indicating the retreating figure of Fury.

Nat smiled wryly.  "No," she said with a shake of her head.

"Not staying here."  There wasn't any judgment or even questioning in Steve's voice as he said this, and Nat was grateful for that.

Glancing away from him, she sighed a little.  "I blew all my covers," she said slowly.  "I gotta go figure out a new one."  _I have to figure out myself_ , went unsaid.

"Might take a while," Steve commented.

"I'm counting on it," Nat retorted, sincerely smiling for the first time since this whole trouble had started.  Slowly, she held up the file.  "That thing you asked for.  I called in a few favors from Kiev.  Will you do _me_ a favor?" she asked as Steve took the file from her.  "Call that nurse?"

A slow grin spread over Steve's face, and for a moment Nat could see just what all of America had fallen in love with, so many years ago.  "She's not a nurse," he pointed out.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. agent," Nat agreed. 

"What was her name again?"

"Sharon," Nat replied, smiling knowingly as she left out the very important last name of _Carter_.  "She's nice."

Silence spread out between the two of them, and for the first time since they met, Nat didn't feel awkward in that silence.  If anything, there was camaraderie in it.  They'd been through a lot together in less than a week.  That sort of experience brought people together.  Impulsively, Nat reached out to kiss Steve on the cheek.  He didn't seem shocked by the action, though any S.H.I.E.L.D. operative would have been floored to see the cold Black Widow showing anyone that much affection.

"Be careful, Steve," she said as she turned away.  Pausing, she glanced back at him and nodded at the file he now held.  "You might not want to pull on that thread."

She didn't stay to see his response.  There were more important things she had to think about.  Because while Steve might feel obligated to seek out his old friend due to a past they had shared seventy years ago, he didn't know a damned thing about the current man.  Natasha Romanov, once known as Natalia Alianovna Romanova, did know about the current man, though.  Steve wouldn't know how to approach the new Bucky, and it would bite him in the ass sooner rather than later. 

Nat had to be the first one to find the Winter Soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quotation from the Winter Soldier's file is taken from Captain America Vol. 5 #11.


	2. Chapter 2

Finding the Winter Soldier was a task Nat didn't expect to be particularly easy.  After all, he had been the one who taught her everything she knew about disappearing.  If he didn't want to be found, then it was likely she would not find him instantly.  Still, she could at least put the word out and start combing through traffic camera footage.  There were a few S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that she knew were definitely _not_ HYDRA, and she reached out to them immediately.  They didn't have much they could give her, of course.  The vast majority of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents hadn't even seen the Winter Soldier when he arrived at the Triskelion, so they didn't know what they were looking for.  It was better than nothing, though, and a place to start.

When the former S.H.I.E.L.D. agents proved to be a dead end—as she had anticipated—Nat turned her attention to footage from every camera in the DC area that she could find.  Those proved to be a lot more than she had anticipated.  Days passed, and all she did was stare intently at grainy footage at every man who was a similar body type to the Winter Soldier.

"I have to think of you as something other than that title, _miliy moi_ ," Nat mused to herself, rubbing at the back of her neck tiredly.  "You can't be the Winter Soldier anymore.  And you were never Bucky to me."

Her eyes fell onto the small flyer she had received ages ago from the Smithsonian.  It was a promotional flyer, for the new exhibit in the Museum of American History dedicated to Captain America and his Howling Commandos.  While the picture in the center of the flyer was one of Steve, in full Captain America regalia, there were also pictures of all his team members. 

Slowly, Nat ran her fingertips over the line of Bucky Barnes' jaw in the picture.  His face was much as she remembered it from their time together in Russia.  The hair was shorter, but only slightly, and there was hope in his eyes.  She hadn't seen anything close to hope in him in all the time they spent together.  It had been like seeing a ghost when she saw him on the highway, his metal hand clawing into the asphalt of the road.  Even with his mask in place, she knew who he was just by the arm and the way he carried himself.

"James," she read off of the flyer.  "That is who you will be to me now."

Shaking off the exhaustion, she forced her gaze back to the video player that was now showing images from a camera located in an ATM machine just outside of the Museum of American History.  Smiling bitterly to herself, Nat continued to fast forward through most of the footage.  The one upside that she could see to all of the training she had received in Russia—particularly with regards to observation—meant that she didn't have to watch the videos at their usual speed. 

Suddenly, something caught her attention and she backed up the video a few frames.  There; a gleam of light on metal.  Leaning closer to the screen to get a better look, Nat gasped softly as she realized that the gleam was coming from a man's hand.  And not from a phone in his hand or something like that, but from the actual _hand_ itself.  Her breath caught in her throat as she paused the video and then advanced it frame by frame.  Finally, she caught sight of his face.  It wasn't very clear, as he was wearing a baseball cap and a hood.  But it was fairly clear to her.

"James," she breathed.

So he had shown up at the museum.  He likely had gone to see the exhibit about Captain America.  From what Steve had told her about the last time he had seen Bucky on the helicarrier, he had managed to get through to the man that Bucky had once been.  His old friend might not have all of his memories back, but he was likely starting to find them.  The museum exhibit would be his best hope, aside from actually talking to Steve himself, of actually learning more about who he had been once.

The next few hours were spent doing her best to gain access to the security footage from inside the museum itself.  With so many important and nearly priceless artifacts of history, Nat fully expected there to be a lot of security cameras.  She was far from disappointed when she did find the footage. 

Nat was not a religious woman by any stretch of the imagination, but this might well be enough to make her start praying to whatever god existed.

It wasn't hard to spot the man in question once she got the footage to the right day and time.  A man wearing both a hat and a hood at once kind of stood out in a crowd.  Not as much as someone like, say, Thor or Steve would, but it was still pretty easy to find.  He moved with purpose through the entire museum, not even bothering to glance at the other exhibits.  When he reached the Captain America one, though, he hesitated.  There was pain in that hesitation; the set of his shoulders revealed that pretty clearly to anyone with a clear idea of who he was and the burden he had to bear.

There were hours of footage of him, just standing in the exhibit and staring at everything intently.  It was as though he wanted to soak in the knowledge from these items or just will them to tell him who he was.  When he finally _did_ leave the museum, it was harder to track him.  But she had a starting point.  He was still in DC, and that was enough for her.

Standing up and stretching out slowly, Nat rolled her neck with a groan.  Before she could do anything further, she had to get some sleep.  Otherwise, she would be working on absolutely no rest, and that was never a good idea.  The few times Nat had been forced to go into a mission sleep deprived, she had almost died.  So, sleep first, and then she would go from there. 

She dreamed of Russia.  Specifically, of the short time she and the Winter Soldier had been by her side.

~~~~

"Very well done, Comrade Romanova," a masculine voice said behind Natalia as she pinned her opponent to the mat.

Glancing over her shoulder, Natalia found herself looking into the pale eyes of the Winter Soldier.  It was very rare to hear him praise anyone.  In her entire time in the Red Room program of Department X, Natalia had heard him praise only one other person.  Standing up slowly, with all the grace of the ballerina she had been trained to be before she entered the Red Room, she turned to fully face the Winter Soldier.

"Thank you, Comrade," she replied quietly.

"But you failed in one aspect," the Winter Soldier said as though she had not spoken.  "You did not kill your opponent."

Natalia was at a loss for words for a moment as she stared at the man before her.  "It is only a practice fight, Comrade," she said slowly.  "I do not need to kill in practice."

"That is where you are wrong."

There was a faint accent in his Russian that Natalia was not sure she could quite place.  Rumors spread through the operatives of Department X that he was a former American soldier, who had been recruited and convinced of the need to serve Mother Russia.  Natalia wasn't certain if she believed those rumors.  But wherever he had come from, his Russian suffered somewhat for it.

"How am I wrong, Comrade?" Natalia asked slowly.

The Winter Soldier moved towards her, until their bodies were almost touching.  His eyes were even colder at these close quarters.  Natalia was suddenly very aware of the heat of his body, and the way his tac suit shifted with each breath he took.

"Even if this is 'just practice', Comrade, you have to train yourself to have the instinct to kill," he murmured, his voice so low that Natalia was certain only she could hear him.  "Killing is not easy, Natalia.  You will find yourself hesitating the first time you have to put a bullet in a person's skull, or slide a knife between their ribs.  That hesitation will cost your life if you do not train it out of you."

A shudder ran down Natalia's spine at his words, and the feeling of his breath gently tickling over her forehead.  She could understand what he meant.  The thought of killing a man was not one that came naturally to her.

"I see, Comrade," she murmured.  "I will try to do better."

"We will practice properly later," the Winter Soldier told her firmly, but there was a hint of something else in his voice.

Natalia had to fight down her urge to smile at him.  They could not be seen to be friendly or anything other than teacher and student.  If they were, it would not end well for anyone.  Instead, she simply nodded to him and turned to make her way to the showers just off the gym.  None of the other operatives were in the showers at this point.  Most of them were either elsewhere in the compound or, very likely, still training.  Natalia didn't mind the privacy, though.  It meant that she could actually _smile_ while thinking of the Winter Soldier, and not have to answer any awkward questions about it.

Her tac suit clung unpleasantly to her skin as she tried to ease the garment off.  There was no easing at all at this point, because of all the sweat from her workout.  Cursing colorfully under her breath, she spent far longer than she really wanted to fighting against the suit.  By the time she was finally naked, she was even sweatier than she had been when she stepped into the showers.  Giving the tac suit a sour look, she tossed it into the bin set aside for dirty laundry and went to turn on the hot water.

Steam soon filled the cubicle that she had selected for herself, much to Natalia's pleasure.  She loved the way the steam clung to her body and hid her from sight.  Stepping under the pounding flow of water from the shower head, she sighed in relief as the heat of the water began to relax her muscles.  For a time, she was able to relax her guard as she began to wash out her hair.

Suddenly, she heard approaching footsteps.  Frowning to herself, she kept the water on, but moved slowly to press her back against the cool tiles of the cubicle.  For a brief moment, she wished she had brought a knife with her, but she forced that aside.  The footsteps were drawing nearer.  Holding her breath, she waited until the intruder was nearly at the cubicle.  Then, she reached out and slammed her knee into the stomach of her visitor.  There was a soft grunt of surprised pain as air rushed out of the stranger's lungs suddenly.  Bringing her elbow down against the intruder's back, Natalia was feeling very pleased with herself until a metal hand closed around her wrist tightly.

"Not bad, Natalia," the Winter Soldier purred in her ear, his body pressed close against hers.  "If you'd been armed, I'd likely be dead by now."

A shiver that had nothing to do with cold ran down Natalia's back as she looked up into the pale eyes of the Winter Soldier once more.  He wasn't fully clothed, to her surprise.  Somewhere along the way between the gym and this cubicle, he'd shed his shirt and boots.  His pants hung low on his hips, making Natalia wonder what it would be like to see him fully naked in the showers.  She'd seen him naked before, of course.  Since she had turned 18 not too long ago, they had shared a bed on multiple occasions.  This was just the most public place in which the Winter Soldier had attempted to seduce her.  Fear of being caught mingled with excitement at the idea that anyone could come in here and see them at any moment.

"In English," Natalia breathed in that language.  "I need the practice."

As the Winter Soldier met her gaze, he grinned slowly at her.  It wasn't the cold, practiced smile that he reserved for other operatives or their superiors.  There was hunger and approval in this smile, and it made Natalia's knees feel like jelly.

"Of course," he replied, also in English.  For some reason, English just sounded so much more natural for his voice.  "Are you completely clean, Comrade?"

"No," Natalia said with a slight smile of her own.  "And neither are you."

"You're correct, I'm not," the Winter Soldier chuckled.  Reaching down slowly, his fingers deftly undid the button of his pants.  "Perhaps we should help one another get properly cleaned."

Once more, a thrill of excitement started in the pit of Natalia's stomach and then shot out through the rest of her body.  With her breath caught in her throat, she watched intently as the Winter Soldier finished undressing.  Even having seen him naked before, Natalia couldn't help but stare at him.  Slowly, she reached out and trailed a hand along his chest, quietly enjoying the feel of his muscles twitching underneath her fingers.

"I'd be happy to help you get clean, Comrade," she said slowly, her voice already thick with lust.

"I know you would," the Winter Soldier murmured.

His body pressed close against Natalia's, his chest brushing against her already erect nipples.  Little shocks of pleasure coursed through her at this sensation as she backed up under the hot water of the shower.  He stayed close to her, one hand—his flesh and blood one—resting almost possessively on the curve of her hip. 

Once they were both under the flow of the water, he leaned down and pressed his lips against the skin of her neck.  Shuddering happily, Natalia tilted her head obligingly, her fingers moving up to tangle in his hair.  It was short, but there was still barely enough length for her to toy with it.  His mouth was warm and wet against her skin as he licked beads of water from her neck.  As he did so, the cold metal of his left hand pressed against her back briefly before he moved that hand to press against the wall for support.  His flesh and blood hand moved down her spine and over the curve of her ass to slowly hoist her up against his chest.  Instinctively, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her legs hooked over his hips.

"That's good," the Winter Soldier praised softly, nuzzling at where her neck and shoulder met.  "Are you wet, Natalia?"

The question should not have been as sexually thrilling as it was.  With any other man, Natalia would have thought of that question as nothing but clinical; ensuring that she was wet enough to have comfortable sex.  But with the Winter Soldier, it felt more like he was trying to excite her with how filthy he could be.  If that was his plan, it was working.

"I am," she whispered, nuzzling at his temple.  "But we'll have to be quiet, Comrade."

"Of course," he chuckled low in his throat, his metal hand moving to hold her up as his other hand slowly stroked the folds of her sex.

Even the softest touch sent shocks of pleasure up her whole body.  Natalia whimpered quietly, pressing her face into his shoulder to muffle the sound.  As his fingers continued to explore her, she could feel his hard cock pressing up against her thigh.  That alone made her even wetter than before.  The Winter Soldier must have noticed this, as he groaned her name softly, one finger slipping inside of her.

Once more, Natalia did her best to muffle the moan that escaped her lips, her hips moving slowly to take his finger deeper inside of her.  As she moved, his thumb began to slowly circle her clit, making her gasp and bite her lip to keep quiet.  For several moments, he tortured her with the soft rub of his thumb and the slow movements of his finger inside of her; it was almost enough to get her off, but not quite.

"Please," she begged, whispering into his ear.  "I need you."

She whined weakly as he pulled his hand away from her soaked folds.  But, as she watched him intently, he slowly licked his finger clean.  A shiver of excitement made her hips shift against his cock, causing him to growl softly in her ear.

"I need you," she repeated, holding his shoulders tightly.

"And I need you, Natalia," he murmured.

It took some adjusting, but finally the Winter Soldier managed to position his cock at her entrance.  Rocking her hips slightly in an attempt to take him inside of her, Natalia moaned as his cock brushed against her clit.  With one hand on her hip to keep her still, he slowly guided himself into her at last.  A soft moan escaped Natalia's lips as she rolled her hips in pleasure.

"Remember," he whispered into her ear, his voice hoarse with lust, "stay as quiet as you can, Natalia.  I don't feel like sharing you just now."

Natalia nodded obediently, nuzzling her face against his neck.  As he began to slowly thrust in and out of her, she bit down on his shoulder to keep herself quiet.  He hissed at the pain of her bite, but there was no other indication that she had hurt him.  If anything, it seemed to spur him on as his hips thrust firmly into her once, sending a jolt of pleasure up her spine.

His hands were pressed tightly against her back, keeping her close to his body.  For a brief moment, Natalia wondered how he was managing to keep them both steady.  Then he angled his hips slightly and fond a spot inside of her that made her see stars, and all coherent thought was chased quite effectively from her mind.  As they continued to thrust and rock together, his finger found her clit again, slowly rubbing circles around the sensitive nub.  It was almost too much for her.

"Please," she begged again, keeping her voice pitched low.  "I'm so close…"

"I know," he groaned softly, his hips never stopping their constant thrusting.  "I want to feel it.  I want you to lose control, Natalia…"

Just hearing him say it was enough for her.  Stiffening in his arms, she gasped weakly and bit down on her lip to stifle her urge to moan loudly.  A low, rumbling growl was the Winter Soldier's response as he also stiffened, his body quivering as his own release rolled through his body.

~~~~

Nat woke slowly, her mind still sluggish.  As she shifted in her bed, she realized with a low grumble that she was wet.  _Of course_ , she thought bitterly.  Slowly, she reached a hand down under the waistband of her pajama pants.  She trailed her fingertips over the wet folds of her pussy, seeking out her clit.  Once her fingers came in contact with the sensitive bundle of nerves, she moaned low in her throat.  It didn't take long, and she was rolling her hips in an attempt to ease the ache inside of her as she continued to rub her clit.  Finally, after a few minutes of teasing and playing, she came with a gasping cry of pleasure.

The high was certainly pleasant, but it faded far too quickly, and her body was left craving more.  But that wasn't what she had to focus on right now.  She would have time later to whine to herself about her lack of a sex life.  After a cold shower to both wake her up and cool down her libido, Nat got dressed carefully.  She would be tracking down a notorious former assassin, after all.  Best to wear something she could move around in easily, in case he was in an unfriendly mood. 

With her outfit selected, she began making calls to various motels in the area.  Nothing that was near the center of DC, though.  He wouldn't want to risk being recognized by law enforcement in the areas surrounding where the Triskelion had stood.  After so many years as the best assassin in the world, he would know far better than to let himself be recognized.  He would go to the seedier places in the outskirts of the DC area.

As she made the calls, Nat put her phone on speaker so she could gather up what weapons she might need if she had to face an unstable and angry Winter Soldier.  The usual eight knives that were nearly always present on her person were strapped into place efficiently and calmly, followed by a small handgun in her boot and another in a specialized holster that had been sewn directly into the lining of her jacket.  A third gun went into her purse, but that one was only if all other weapons failed her completely, which was not a scenario she was anticipating. 

The Winter Soldier was good, one of the best.  But he had also been in stasis for longer than Nat cared to think about.  He might not remember her—probably didn't, since he had attacked her—and so he couldn't know her fighting style as well as he once had.  There was also the little fact that, while he had been in stasis, Nat had been learning and changing her way of fighting.  He had been the best once, but while he had remained the same, Natalia Romanova had adapted and become Natasha Romanoff, the greatest assassin to ever live.

Finally, after calling five other motels and asking if a man with a metal or missing left arm had checked in recently, she found her man.  The receptionist didn't sound particularly interested in what she had to say, but that was to be expected.

"Yeah, I guess we got a guy here who has a metal arm," the young man's voice droned in a bored tone.  "Checked in just the other day, it says."

"That's great," Nat said with a sigh of relief.  "I need to talk to him.  I'll be stopping by within the next few hours."

"Whatever."

Nat rolled her eyes as she hung up the phone.  The kid was probably a stoner.  Not that she could hold it against someone who had to handle checking in less-than-pleasant customers in a really seedy motel.  A guy with a metal arm probably wasn't the strangest thing that kid had seen working at that front desk.

What was most important, though, was that she had found him.  Now all she had to do was face him, and that was not going to be easy.  Not for her, and most likely not for him either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I got the Russian wrong, I apologize, I'm just taking the term Nat uses for Bucky from the Death of Captain America arc of the Captain America comics.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Natasha bromance for all!

As anticipated, the motel was a complete shithole.  Nat had been prepared for that, though.  She'd spent plenty of nights in places much worse off than this one in her time as a freelancer.  Then there was the bright side that this place probably hadn't updated its locks in years.  She could easily pick them and not damage any delicate pins inside the mechanism.  The kid at the front desk was also as anticipated.  Acne and the smell of pot were not exactly helping make him attractive to anyone.  But, he was pliant enough that she didn't even have to show him her gun to intimidate him into answering her questions.

"Is this the man you saw with a metal arm?" she asked, holding up a picture of James—he would always be James to her now—that she had gotten off of the security footage at the Museum of American History.  It wasn't particularly clear or flattering, but it was enough.

"Yup," the kid drawled.  "That's the guy.  Came in a couple days ago, paid in cash for a week's worth of nights."

That was good news.  It meant he was probably still here.  "And what room number did he get?" she asked.

"Look, lady," the kid said slowly, "I can't just give out guest information to anyone. I could get fired if I do."

Sighing through her nose, Nat pulled out her purse and rifled through it for a moment before pulling out a hundred dollar bill for him.  The kid's eyes lit up like Christmas had come early.  For him, it probably had.  He'd be able to buy a lot of weed with that, if he went to the right dealer.

"Room 129," the kid said eagerly.

"Thanks," Nat said wryly, turning away from the desk.

Room 129 was in a more secluded corner of the motel complex.  She could see why James had gotten that one.  He'd probably asked specifically for the most secluded of the rooms available.  Old habits died hard, after all, and the habit of finding the most defensible position any time you were going to be somewhere for any period of time was the hardest to die.  The windows of the room had their curtains closed, and when she glanced at the peephole, she saw that he'd even put black paper or fabric over it so that no light would get in that way.  He'd likely also blacked out the bathroom window. 

Crouching down to examine the lock on the door, Nat was pleased to see that she had once again been right about the state of the locks.  This one looked old and worn down.  That could mean it was either going to be very easy or very difficult to pick it.  She hoped it would be the former.  With lockpicks in hand, she began to work at the pins in the lock.  There were soft clicks inside the mechanism, which was encouraging.  Finally, she heard the final click and twisted the picks slowly.

With the door now open, she stood up.  Her purse held tightly, Nat carefully turned the handle to push the door inward.  There was the sound of someone shuffling around in the dimly lit room, but she had been anticipating that much.  What she hadn't anticipated was the metal hand wrapping around her throat as she was shoved back against a nearby wall so hard she saw stars.

"Who are you?" James' voice snarled into her ear as his fingers kept their firm grip on her throat.

Even as her body panicked at the idea that she might be throttled, Nat didn't let that show.  She didn't struggle or kick or claw at his hand.  It wouldn't do any good to show him fear.  Instead, she made a weak croaking sound to let him know that, while his hand was as tight as it was, she could not answer him.  He noticed this instantly and eased his grip slightly, but didn't bother to let her go.

"My name," Nat said slowly, "is Natalia Romanova."

A look of shock crossed over James' face as he took in what she had said.  Clearly the name meant something to him, even if he couldn't fully remember why.  But then he controlled his features and slammed her against the wall again.  Stars danced in her field of vision and she made a weak noise of pain.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.  "Who do you work for?"

"Nobody," Nat coughed.  "I don't work for anybody.  Not anymore, at least.  And I came here to help you."

"Liar," he hissed angrily.  "Who.  Do you.  Work for?"

"I told you!" she gasped, trying to stay conscious.  "I don't work for anyone anymore!  I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D., but that's gone!"

Once more, he slammed her into the wall, but this time he released his hold on her neck, letting her fall to the floor.  There was the sound of feet scuffling, and when she looked up again, he was gone.  Nat sighed and rubbed at her throat, wincing as she felt bruises beginning to form.

"That could have gone better," she muttered under her breath.

Her purse had been kicked slightly underneath the single bed in the room during the struggle.  Moving carefully so she didn't jostle her head too much, Nat grabbed the bag and pulled it out.  Reaching inside, she pulled out her phone and selected Clint's "do not call unless the world is exploding" number.  The line rang twice before Clint picked up.

"What the fuck, Nat?!" he growled into the phone.  "I don't hear from you in over two weeks and suddenly S.H.I.E.L.D. is all blown to hell, HYDRA is back on the map, and some dude called the Winter Soldier shot Fury?!  You couldn't have called a bit _sooner_?"

"It's nice to talk to you too, Clint," Nat drawled.  "Look, you can be pissed off at me later. Right now, I need to know where you are and if we can rendezvous."

There was a long line of curses from Clint's end, but eventually he calmed down enough to inform her that he was in New York, and of course they could rendezvous.  Thanking him quietly, Nat hung up and made her way out of the hotel room.  A quick stop at her apartment for her ever-ready away bag, and she was ready to depart.  She paused as she picked up the keys to her car. 

James hadn't killed her.  That was the important part of what had happened in the motel room.  He could have killed her; in fact, all of his instincts were probably telling him that it was the best thing to do.  Wherever he was now, he was going to be wondering who she was.  Maybe with Clint's help, she could get there soon enough to answer those questions.

~~~~

The drive to New York was, fortunately, uneventful.  With all hell having broken loose now that S.H.I.E.L.D. was in ruins, Nat would have expected to have to deal with HYDRA agents around every corner.  But, for whatever reason, it seemed that she wasn't too high on the priority list for HYDRA.  She couldn't bring herself to complain about that, of course.  To do that would be to tempt fate.

Finding Clint once she got to New York was an easy enough task.  Between the two of them, they had a half dozen safehouses within the city, and only one of them wasn't in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s records.  Harlem wasn't exactly the first spot one would expect to find two of the world's greatest and—currently—most wanted assassins.  In fact, most of S.H.I.E.L.D. had pulled out of Harlem after the incident with the Hulk in 2008.  That was the main reason Clint and Nat had picked that particular part of the city; no one would expect to find two former S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives to have a base inside of an area ransacked by the _Hulk_ , even if it was six years since that had happened.

Parking was a nightmare, as usual, but Nat didn't mind that too much.  She wanted to dump the car she was in anyway.  It was registered under one of her known aliases and could be traced to her.  With HYDRA now loose, she didn't want to risk bringing them down on Clint.  So, rather than park anywhere near the run-down old apartment complex that housed the rendezvous point, she left the car in front of a fire hydrant several blocks away.  It would be towed and left to rot in an impound lot, where HYDRA would find it if they ever thought to track it.

Once she had ditched the car, she grabbed all the essentials from inside of it; the overnight bag, the various hidden weapons, and anything that could trace back to her.  Once all of that was taken care of, she walked the last several blocks to the apartment.  The elevator in the building was still out of order, but that wasn't a shock. It had been that way for the last decade, at least.  Taking the stairs was slower, especially with all that she was carrying, but it was a good workout for her.  When she reached apartment 4C, she knocked once loudly, paused, and then knocked again five times in rapid succession.

The door opened sharply, revealing a very unamused Clint.  Under any other circumstances, Nat would have laughed at the look on Clint's face.  But this wasn't exactly the time or place for humor.  And for once, it wasn't Clint being the inappropriately humorous one.

"Get in," Clint ordered firmly.

Nat nodded, wincing as the new bruises on her neck throbbed in protest.  She had hidden them underneath a scarf before leaving DC.  It wouldn't do for someone to mistake her for a battered woman and try to play Good Samaritan.  Of course, the description of "battered" was rather apt, given how she felt right now.  Her head throbbed painfully from being slammed into the wall—repeatedly—and her throat was raw from her near-strangulation.  Nat didn't even want to begin to think about what she must look like behind her large sunglasses, but it probably wasn't flattering.

"Goddamnit, Tash!" Clint was ranting behind her as she shrugged off her jacket and undid the scarf around her throat.  "I was worried sick about you!  No way to know if you and Cap were alive or dead, and—"

He stopped short when Nat turned to look at him.  She really _must_ look a fright, given the look he was giving her right now.  Coming over, Clint gently traced the line of the bruises on her neck.  Smiling wryly up at Clint, Nat gently took his hand in hers, lacing her fingers with his.

"I'm okay, I promise," she told him with a shake of her head. 

"Was that HYDRA?" Clint demanded, giving her hand a tight squeeze.

"Not… exactly," Nat hedged.  "It's a very long story, Clint."

"So tell it."

Nat couldn't help smiling fondly at her dear friend.  Kissing his knuckles softly, she nodded.  Clint's expression softened slightly as he moved to sit on the ratty couch that was the only piece of furniture in the living room.  Moving over beside her friend, Nat curled up in the corner of the couch, looking Clint over to see if he was injured at all.

Compared to how Steve had looked after everything that happened on the helicarrier, Clint looked positively healthy.  His nose had been broken and reset—badly—recently.  In addition, he had twin black eyes, making him resemble a blond raccoon.  Bandages covered various scrapes and gashes on his forehead, arms, and one was even slapped over the bridge of his nose.  Honestly, he looked like Clint, and that was what Nat needed most right now; her friend, just as he normally was.

"I know, I know," Clint groused.  "But you should see the other guy, Nat!"

"Oh, I'm sure he looks much worse," Nat said with a serious nod, smiling wryly at him.  "Now… about what happened—"

"Yeah, about that," Clint said firmly.  "We really should discuss that."

Nodding with a weak smile, Nat launched into her story of what had happened since she and Steve had freed the S.H.I.E.L.D. ship from pirates.  With Clint, however, she didn't bother to omit the details she had kept from Steve.  Clint was someone Natasha had known for nearly thirty years; if she couldn't trust him with truths about her past, then who could she trust?  As she spoke, Clint listened quietly, only speaking to ask for clarification of different facts. 

It took what felt like hours to get out everything that needed to be said, including what had happened at the motel.  The fact that she started crying when she explained who the Winter Soldier was didn't help matters much.  When the tears began to flow, Clint moved instinctively to wrap an arm around her shoulder.  By the time she finished her story, her head ached from all the crying she had done, and not just the blows she had received the day before.

"Jesus, Nat," Clint sighed heavily.  "I didn't… If you'd just called me, damnit, I could've helped!"

"I know, Clint," Nat sighed.  "But there wasn't exactly a lot of time for me to call you.  If there had been, I would have."

Clint nodded slowly, the anger in his eyes fading a little as he looked at Nat intently.  "Yeah… I mean, it ended up being pretty damn busy for me, too."

"Oh God, what did you have to go through?" Nat asked, holding her friend's hand tightly in hers.

"It wasn't as bad as you guys had it," Clint assured her.  "But I was on a mission in Canada.  Well, you knew that," he chuckled wryly, waiting for Nat's nod before he continued.  "Well, it was me and a few other agents.  We were looking into a trafficking ring, and we managed to close the case.  That was when we heard Cap's message broadcasting over all frequencies used by S.H.I.E.L.D."

Nat flinched a little as she remembered that day.  It had been hell for all of them, honestly.  But to be out in the middle of another country when that happened—

"Your team?  How many of them turned out to be HYDRA?" she asked softly.

"Half," Clint sighed.  "There were eight of us, Nat. And I was the only one who got out alive."

"Oh, Clint," Nat sighed, gently stroking his hair.  "I am sorry for that."

"It's not your fault, Nat.  None of it is."

Smiling slightly at Clint, Nat gently pressed a hand against the back of his neck, resting her forehead against his.  They'd both suffered a great deal in the last week or so, and they weren't going to be able to really mourn or adjust for some time yet.  It was going to be a long time before either of them managed to have time to let themselves break down the way they really wanted to.

"So," Clint said slowly.  "What are you gonna do about this Winter Soldier dude?"

Nat shrugged helplessly, closing her eyes tiredly.  "I don't know, Clint.  I really don't know.  The only thing that comes to mind is finding him and helping him through the regaining of his memories."

"You still love him, don't you?"

Looking up into his eyes, Nat saw something she wasn't sure she could put a name to.  There was some jealousy there, but not much.  While they had once been romantically involved, it hadn't really worked out for them once Nat joined S.H.I.E.L.D. at Clint's insistence.  Even with that in mind, Nat could understand Clint feeling some jealousy towards the man who had been her first love.  She couldn't hold it against him, either.  Clint didn't just fall out of love with someone, even after two decades or more.

Smiling weakly, Nat took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly.  "I honestly don't know, Clint," she whispered.  "I think I do.  I think—I think I honestly never _stopped_ loving him.  But regardless of how I feel about him, Clint, I'm the only one in the world who knows the man he is now, and who can possibly help him out at this time.  You understand that, don't you?"

There was a long silence between them as Clint considered what Nat had said.  Then, slowly, he nodded his understanding.  A wry smile crossed his lips as he brought Nat's hand up so he could brush a kiss to her knuckles.

"I get it, Nat," he sighed.  "And I'll help you to do it."

Nat blinked in surprise at this, staring at Clint as though he'd grown a second head.  Even with how long they had been friends, there were times when Clint continued to surprise her with his genuine good-heartedness.

"What?" she breathed.  "Why?"

"Jesus, Tasha," Clint laughed, kissing her forehead fondly.  "Sometimes, you're the dumbest smart person I know.  You're my best friend, so why the hell wouldn't I help you?"

"Good point, I guess," Nat laughed breathlessly.  "Thank you, Clint.  So much."

"Eh, don't harp on it too long, Tash.  Otherwise I'll get a big head."  Clint flashed his trademark grin, which looked patently ridiculous when paired with how he looked right now.  "But right now, you look like you could use some sleep. We don't even know where to begin looking for this guy."

"I think I have an idea," Nat said slowly.

"Yeah?" Clint eyed her closely.  "Where?"

Nat took a deep breath, fighting down the wave of nausea that washed over her at the thought of where they would have to go with this.  Her breath caught in her throat for a moment, and she hastily coughed to clear her airway. 

"Moscow," she whispered hoarsely.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Russia, with Love.

Preparing for the plane ride to Moscow was nerve-wracking for Nat.  Clint wasn't as well-known to the world as many of the Avengers, so he didn't have to do much to disguise himself.  Natasha, on the other hand, had made herself into quite a public figure after appearing before a congressional board for an interrogation that was on international television.  As Clint booked the tickets, Nat spent the night doing what she could to alter her appearance as best she could.  Her hair was died a pale blonde and trimmed.  Her natural curls were allowed to come back into her hair, and as she waited for the color to set in her hair, she worked on getting colored contacts into her eyes.

"Oh for—" Nat cut off another curse a she lost _another_ contact.  "This is why I stick with glasses usually."

"Well you do look like a hot librarian when you wear them," Clint said as he came over, grinning at her.  "You've got great connections, y'know that?"

"I hope I do," Nat retorted with a wry smile.  "I take it that Dolores and her grandson came through on the falsified documents?"

Clint held out a paper bag for Nat to inspect.  Inside were two American passports, as well as other forms of identification, such as driver's licenses.  Smirking in triumph at this, Nat nodded her approval and handed the bag back to Clint.

"Excellent," she sighed.  "It's about time you and I both created new aliases."

"Yeah, you mentioned about five different times before I went to get this stuff," Clint snarked, shaking his head at her.  "Our flight leaves in a few hours.  Will you be ready by then?"

Nat examined herself in the mirror closely.  It was strange seeing herself with blonde hair like this.  She'd never actually dyed her hair this color before in all her work.  Usually, she just wore a wig.  But wigs could be removed, and with the way airport security now worked, a wig _would_ be removed sooner rather than later.  With the blonde hair, Nat didn't look too much different than usual, but it was enough of a change that most people who had seen her testimony on television would have to look at her closer to make the connection to the Black Widow.

"Do you think these contacts are entirely necessary?" she asked.  "They're irritating, and I can just wear glasses and hoods."

"Then go with what's comfortable," Clint replied with a shrug.  "No one's going to be looking for a blonde Black Widow, y'know."

"I suppose so," Nat nodded with a wry smile.  "Well, then I'll be ready once we get packed."

"Ugh, we gotta _pack_?!" Clint groaned.

Nat laughed and shook her head in amusement.  They did indeed pack, but not heavily.  Most of the weapons they wanted to bring, they would have to hide very cleverly.  Thankfully, both Nat and Clint had spent years practicing hiding their weapons when boarding public transportation.  Once they had managed to hide their weapons in a way that would not be discovered by TSA, Nat nodded to Clint.

"Let's go."

The airport itself was another nerve-wracking experience for Nat.  She kept her "reading glasses" on and the hood of her sweat shirt up over her head.  No one looked twice at her when she and Clint checked in for the flight.  Nat, on the other hand, wanted to stomp on Clint's foot when he started playing up the cover story of a man and his fiancée about to go and get married in Moscow.

"Playing it up a little too much, aren't you, _dear_?" Nat hissed quietly as they walked away from the check-in counter.

"Gotta make our story believable, Pookie," Clint retorted cheerily, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"I swear, Clint Barton, I will ram my gun down your throat when we land if you continue hamming it up like a stage actor."

"Is that any way to talk to your future husband, baby face?"

As far as Natasha was concerned, it was a damned miracle that she didn't kill Clint on the way to their gate.  TSA didn't bother them at the security checks, to her relief.  Once they were at their departure gate, Nat settled down to look out the window at the tarmac.  Her expression was distant as she considered what their next plan of action should be.

It had been decades since she had been to Moscow.  Any S.H.I.E.L.D. assignment that might have taken her to that city, she had turned down flat.  Going back to Moscow would have brought up too many painful memories.  Now she was going there for the purpose of bringing up those painful memories.  What was she going to do once she managed to find James?

"Hey," Clint murmured.  "You're millions of miles away."

"No," Nat said with a wry smile.  "Only a few thousand miles away, Clint."

Smiling wryly, Clint perched on the arm of the seat Nat was sitting in.  Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her against his chest for a soft hug.  "Thinking about your beau?" he asked quietly, pressing a kiss to her hair.  "I mean, I can't blame you if you are."

Nat nodded weakly against Clint's shoulder.  "Yeah, I am.  His first reaction to seeing me was to attack, Clint," she sighed.  "What if that's all he can do now when he sees me?"

Clint was silent for several moments as he mulled over what Nat had said.  His fingers idly worked through her hair, the action soothing to both of them.  "Honestly, what do you want to happen with him?" he asked quietly.

"I want to help him, Clint, you know that," Nat said in a frustrated voice. 

"And you love him?"

"I told you the answer to that, too.  Why are you asking me questions I've already answered?"

"Because," Clint said slowly, "if you do still love him, and if he still loves you, then you'll find a way to make it work.  I don't know much about love—"

"Now that's bullshit, Clint," Nat laughed weakly.  "You know more about love than me. You've fallen into it more often than I have."

"…I'm not sure, but I think I was just zinged," Clint huffed.

"I would never," Nat assured him, kissing his wrist lightly.  "But it is true, you know."

Clint huffed again, giving her shoulder a soft pinch.  "Anyway.  I'm no expert on love.  But I know that, when it's real?  Then you don't give up on it easily.  If he still feels for you the way you feel for him, then you'll be able to help him just fine."

A slight smile crossed Nat's lips as she leaned more against Clint's chest.  "Thanks," she whispered.  "I needed to hear that."

Smiling back, Clint nodded and gave her a one-armed hug, resting his head on top of hers.  "So what was it like, being in love with this guy?" he asked quietly.

Nat frowned thoughtfully, her eyes once more moving to stare out the window at the tarmac.  "It was intense," she murmured quietly.  "Breathtaking and above all, it was risky.  We were taking our lives into our own hands by being together, and it was exciting to know that."  Smiling wryly, Nat squirmed a little so she could look up at Clint.  "Do you remember how eager to get you alone I'd be after we had a successful mission?"

Clint coughed weakly, a hot blush spreading up his neck and cheeks, showing that he could indeed remember those days.  Smiling a little more, Nat laughed quietly.

"The threat of being found was just as exciting to the Winter Soldier and I then as a successful mission was when it was you and me, Clint," Nat explained.  "Much of our… love-making," she said, for Clint's benefit, "was made more intense because of that pleasure due to being nearly discovered so many times.  At least… until we were actually discovered."

They were both silent then.  Clint didn't push for more, and Nat didn't bother to share more.  That was one thing about their relationship Nat really treasured.  Clint trusted her and knew when not to push her about certain things.  This was one of those times, and Nat couldn't have been more grateful for his presence. 

The wait for the plane didn't last much longer.  There weren't any delays.  Nat was almost suspicious about how easily much of her traveling was going recently.  Things rarely went this smoothly for her on any sort of operation.  Then again, it was likely just a coincidence.  She wasn't going to look too closely into it. 

Almost as soon as they sat down, Clint was curled up as much as he could be in the tiny airplane seats and dozing off comfortably.  Nat couldn't help smiling fondly as she saw this.  Taking the complimentary blanket out of its packaging, she spread it out over Clint's body and ruffled his hair.  His gift for being able to fall asleep in an instant had always amazed Nat. 

After stowing their carry-on bags in the overhead compartment, Nat slid into her seat and put on the belt.  She didn't bother listening to the whole speech about safety on the flight.  She'd been flying since the early '50s, after all.  If anyone knew the drill about safe flying, it was Natasha Romanoff.  Clint remained unconscious during the entire take off procedure, his snores gentle and reassuring to Nat as she watched the landscape outside speed up and then disappear as the plane left the ground.  Out of habit, Nat reached over to rest a hand on top of Clint's shoulder, just to know that he was still alive under that blanket.

Nat didn't bother to sleep much during the flight.  Her whole body was far too keyed up for sleep to do her any good, let alone be even remotely possible for her to accomplish.  Instead, she flipped through the film and tv show selections available on her personal screen, set into the back of the seat in front of her.  There were a lot of episodes from 1990s sitcoms.  Those she skipped over entirely.  A couple of films did catch her eye, however.  Selecting one that seemed to be fairly mindless and action-packed, Nat put in the headphones and sat back, letting the sounds of mayhem in the film slowly relax the tension in her body.

As the sounds of explosions filled her ears, Nat found herself thinking back to the events of the past week or so.  Naturally, her mind also went to the man she and Clint were hunting.  Her hope that James Barnes would return to Moscow was a longshot, and she knew it.  If his response to having his memories awoken was anything like Nat's response to deprogramming when she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. had been, then he would probably try to run as far away from Moscow as he could manage.  But there was still a chance, however slim it might be, that he would go to Moscow to try and find more answers.  They wouldn't be entirely sure until they got to Moscow, of course, but Nat had to hope.

~~~~

By the time Nat and Clint touched down in Russia, they were both exhausted.  They'd had a layover in London, and then another in Kiev.  Each layover had meant going though security and then waiting in another gate for anywhere from a half hour to a few hours before their next flight.  Now, in Moscow, they were both drained and Nat was desperate to get into a hot shower.

"Come on, babe," Clint cooed at her as they passed a guard to go through customs.  "We'll be at the hotel soon."

"Call me that one more time," Nat whispered through a plastered-on smile, "and you'll be cleaning your internal organs off of the baggage claim."

"You're grumpy when you don't have your caffeine," Clint laughed, giving her hand a squeeze as they moved through the 'Nothing to Declare' line.  "You were never this mean to me when we were actually a couple."

"That's because I actually wanted sex from you then," Nat retorted with a snort of laughter.

"Harsh," Clint pouted, even as his eyes danced with suppressed amusement.

With nothing to declare in their baggage, they moved through customs quickly.  Thankfully, Russia didn't have the same relationship with S.H.I.E.L.D. that the US government had.  As such, it was really unlikely that they would be spotted as wanted fugitives here.  Neither of them was eager to take any chances, though, so they continued to keep their heads down and be discreet as possible.

It wasn't until they got to the seedy hotel they had booked a room in that Nat breathed easier.  The accommodations weren't the best, but it wouldn't raise any eyebrows if two supposedly poor soon-to-be-newlyweds stayed in a very cheap hotel.  Also, the credit card they used was under one of Clint's new aliases, and couldn't be traced by HYDRA.  Once in the room they now shared, Nat ran a hand through her hair and made a face.

"I'm almost scared to try the shower here," she sighed.

"You and me both," Clint grimaced.  "The water pressure is probably shit."

Nat snorted loudly at this, shaking her head in amusement.  "Not the first thing I would worry about in a place like this, Clint.  I was more concerned with how _filthy_ the shower probably is."

"Oh," Clint nodded.  "That makes sense.  And is also probably true."

A wry smile crossed Nat's lips as she ran a finger along the windowsill.  "It's kind of sad, honestly," she commented idly.  "This hotel used to be really classy."

"How would you--?" Clint started to ask, but stopped himself when he remembered Nat's actual age.  " _Oh_.  Did you stay here once?"

"Once," Nat nodded.  "A lifetime ago."

~~~~

_It was just after a successful mission in Leningrad.  Both Natalia and the Winter Soldier had received commendations from their superiors on their performances, and then been sent back to Moscow.  What no one in Moscow knew was that the op had been completed a day ahead of schedule, and both Natalia and her lover fully intended to take advantage of the night they would have to themselves._

_The hotel they checked into was one of the nicer ones in Moscow.  But with it being so near to the Kremlin, neither Natalia nor the Winter Soldier were willing to risk discovery over something so trivial as a night in a hotel together.  As such, Winter Soldier was the one who checked in—a room for one—and Natalia would follow after, finding the window through their usual signal.  Not bothering to stay and chat, the Winter Soldier was quick to signal to Natalia._

_Once she had climbed into the window, Natalia glanced around the room with a practiced eye.  She could sense more than see her mentor and lover watching her closely.  This would be a test, much as anything they ever did together was.  Moving with the liquid grace that had been trained into her through dance, Natalia examined each wall, checking it for weak spots and bugs.  Then she checked the bathroom, door and window.  Satisfied that there was no surveillance and that they would not be disturbed, she turned to face her lover._

_He really was a handsome man, she thought to herself.  Without the mask and the muzzle that he always wore on their operations, he looked remarkably young.  His pale eyes had grown more expressive in recent weeks, though Natalia couldn't begin to guess why that was the case.  The dark hair that she so loved to toy with while his mouth was exploring every inch of her body was growing longer now, to the point that it was positively shaggy.  She didn't mind, though.  As he realized that Natalia was examining him, a slight smile crossed the Winter Soldier's lips and he reached over to take her chin in his metal hand._

_"Do you see something you like, little spider?" he asked in his strangely-accented Russian._

"English," _Natalia chided in that language, as she always did when he spoke to her in Russian._ "Only English with me _, miliy moi_."

"That's not exactly an English phrase, you know," _the Winter Soldier teased softly, his cold thumb gently tracing the curve of her lips._

"It's applicable," _Natalia retorted, hoping she had used the word correctly._

_The Winter Soldier didn't correct her English, to her relief, and just smiled at her.  He never smiled, unless they were alone together Natalia had noticed.  It was one of those little details that she would always cling to and hold close to her heart during these rare times they had together.  The rarity of those smiles made them all the more precious to her, and she would sometimes close her eyes in the middle of the night and slowly recreate the lines of his face when he smiled at her.  It was a foolish and childish practice, but it brought a peace to Natalia's mind that she could never find anywhere else, and no one need ever know that she did it._

"You know that we can't say such things, Natalia," _the Winter Soldier sighed softly, his thumb moving to gently press against her lips, silencing her without being harsh_.  "Love is not for us."

_Why? Natalia wanted to ask.  Why is love not for us?  Do we have to continue to play this game forever, pretending we don't feel as much as we do?_

_But she didn't voice any of this.  Instead, she pulled her lover's body firmly against hers, pressing a gentle kiss to the pad of his metal thumb.  When he saw that she would not continue this line of discussion, he relaxed visibly.  His hand moved away from her face and pressed gently against the small of her back.  The other hand—his flesh and blood hand—moved to gently twist in the soft waves of her hair as he tilted her head before pressing his lips to hers in a searing kiss._

_There was nothing but passion and an almost primitive_ wanting _in the kiss as Natalia pressed even closer to her lover.  She responded to his kiss eagerly, lips parting as her fingers tangled in the heavy leather of his combat jacket.  Unlike her lover, Natalia had not worn a tac suit on this mission, but rather a dress so she could better blend in to the crowd of civilians.  The thin fabric of the dress proved to be little protection against the feel of hard buckles and leather as the Winter Soldier pressed her back into a wall, his body completely covering hers.  With any other man, Natalia would feel cornered and trapped in this kind of position.  But with this man, she felt nothing but safe._

_As the kiss grew more heated, her hands moved down his back, forward over his sides, and then up his chest slowly.  Her fingers found the buckles and clasps of his jacket, even as her mind began to go hazy with lust and a lack of oxygen from the kiss.  When air finally became a necessity she could no longer ignore, she pulled her mouth away from the Winter Soldier's, gasping weakly and letting her head fall back against the wall.  Instantly, he took advantage of this, his lips latching onto the pale skin of her throat._

_Even with the distraction of those talented lips and—_ oh!— _his tongue against her skin, Natalia managed to successfully get his jacket undone.  Moaning weakly at the sensation of his stubble gently scraping against the base of her throat, she tugged the garment off his arms, letting it fall without ceremony to the floor.  Beneath the jacket, the Winter Soldier wore nothing but a thin undershirt.  This soon joined the jacket on the floor, and Natalia deftly turned the tables on her lover._

_A startled, but not unpleased, grunt escaped the Winter Soldier's lips as Natalia twisted herself out of his grasp and then slammed his back into the wall where she had been moments ago.  Her hair was no longer beautifully coiffed, but now falling about her face haphazardly.  The Winter Soldier took this in with a hungry look in his eyes that sent shivers of anticipation down Natalia's spine.  With a soft sound of lust, she began pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses to the skin of his chest._

_She started up by his metal shoulder, her lips brushing the scars where metal fused with skin.  A soft hiss escaped the Winter Soldier's lips as he looked at her in wonder.  The look he gave her made Natalia stop in surprise._

"What is it?" _she asked softly._ "Have I done something wrong?"

"No, little spider," _the Winter Soldier assured her, his flesh and blood hand gently reaching up to caress her cheek._ "Quite the opposite.  No one else looks at this arm and sees something worth being admired as a thing of beauty."

"But it is beautiful," _Natalia murmured quietly._ " _You_ are beautiful."

_A soft smile crossed the Winter Soldier's lips; one of those rare smiles that Natalia treasured so dearly.  Before either of them could focus on the emotions that they weren't allowed to acknowledged, Natalia returned to her heated kisses.  Moving her lips down his chest, she slowly knelt in front of him.  As her lips brushed over the skin just above the waistband of his pants, Natalia heard a low, guttural sound escape her lover's throat.  Grinning in triumph, she began to slowly undo the buckle of his belt, easing it out of the loops of his pants._

"What are you doing, Natalia?" _he groaned, his fingers twisting in her hair gently._

"Giving you pleasure, of course."

_Grinning wickedly at her lover, Natalia began to ease his pants over his hips.  As she did so, he fumbled to kick his boots off.  A soft laugh escaped Natalia's lips as she watched this.  In response to her laughter, the Winter Soldier growled a little.  This was cut off, though, as Natalia finished removing his pants and underwear.  Slowly, she took his cock in her hand, stroking gently.  Already, he was half-hard.  It took very little to get him completely hard, and by the time she had, her lover was nearly incoherent._

_Once he was completely hard, Natalia slowly took his cock in her mouth.  The noises he made sent waves of pleasure through her body, pooling low in her pelvis.  As her lips and tongue moved over the length of his cock, she glanced up at her lover, meeting his gaze.  There was heat in his eyes, equal only to the heat of their lovemaking.  His fingers tightened ever so slightly in her hair, tugging to pull her away from his cock.  Natalia did so, reluctantly, whimpering softly at the loss of his cock in his mouth._

"What is it?" _she whispered._

"If you keep that up, little spider, I'm not going to last much longer," _he chuckled quietly._

_Smiling up at him, Natalia stepped away from him before he could pull her into another kiss.  A disappointed noise—almost a whine—was his response as he watched her hungrily.  Not wanting to have her dress destroyed, which it doubtless would be if she let the Winter Soldier undress her, Natalia slowly unzipped her dress.  Once the dress was off, though, there was no stopping her lover from getting a hold of her._

_Natalia squeaked in surprise when the Winter Soldier's arms wrapped tightly around her, lifting her up and then tossing her, carefully, onto the bed.  Grunting a little when she fell onto the mattress, Natalia smiled up at her lover.  Reaching out for her, he twisted his metal fingers in the fabric of her panties.  With a slight jerk of his wrist, he ripped the panties away._

"Oh--!" _Natalia gave her lover a dark look_.  "I liked those."

"Apologies," _the Winter Soldier replied, not sounding the least bit sorry._ "I simply could not wait to see you naked."

"You'll notice my brassiere is still on."

"So it is.  It'll have to be rectified immediately."

"Rip this, and I _will_ kill you," _Natalia warned playfully, stretching out underneath her lover._

_A low chuckle was her only response.  Lifting herself up onto her elbows to allow her lover better access to her brassiere clasp, Natalia met his gaze fondly.  Seeing this, the Winter Soldier leaned close to press a kiss to her lips.  His fingers were deft in undoing the clasp, his lips moving slowly and lovingly against hers.  Once she was completely naked, Natalia pulled him even closer to her body._

_Already, she was wet enough for him to take her, and she rocked her hips against his to demonstrate this to him.  Groaning softly, her lover gently held onto her hip as he angled his hips against hers.  Within moments, he was slowly thrusting inside of her.  Natalia gasped softly at the pleasure of having him inside of her again, her fingers digging into the hard muscle of his back._

"So good, Natalia," _he groaned into her ear, holding her body close against his._

_Natalia's brain was too distracted by all the pleasure going through her to be able to form the words she wanted to in English.  Instead, she moaned weakly, trailing her hands down his spine to urge him on.  From that moment on, they both seemed to be in agreement that words were not necessary between the two of them._

_The sounds of breathless moans filled the room, along with the sounds of flesh meeting flesh as their thrusts became more frantic, the more the pleasure built up between them.  Natalia whimpered as she felt the pleasure nearing its crest inside of her.  Reaching down between their bodies, she rubbed at her clit.  The added stimulation was just enough.  With a weak cry, she came apart in her lover's arms.  A groan of pleasure came from her lover as he came inside of her only a few moments later._

_Once they had regained their breath, they both rested for a short time.  Then, they returned to their frantic lovemaking.  This continued throughout the night until they were both exhausted to the point of falling asleep in one another's arms._

_A few hours after their last lovemaking session, Natalia woke to the sound of her lover beginning to leave the bed.  With a sad smile, she slowly stretched out._ "And where do you think you're going?" _she asked in quiet English._

"Sorry.  Didn't mean to wake you," _he replied gently._

_Sitting up slowly, stretching out a little, Natalia looked over to see him beginning to dress.  Already he had pulled on his undergarments and pants and was beginning to tug on his jacket.  The sight meant only one thing; now they had to go back to reality.  It was the end of their fantasy, and it was painful to think of._

"Take me with you," _she whispered._

"You know I can't do that," _he sighed, finishing strapping on his coat._ "If anyone found out about us, we'd be sent to Siberia.  Or worse."

_Neither of them acknowledged what the 'or worse' was, but they both knew.  If they were discovered, Siberia would be the least likely outcome for the two of them.  It would be far more likely that they would end up dead._

_Looking around with a weak sigh, Natalia found herself smiling a little when she saw the state of the room._

_One of the lamps had been knocked down, along with a potted plant, and their clothing was all over the place.  Her brassiere had, somehow, ended up on top of the one standing lamp.  The maids were going to have a fit when they came to clean the room._

_She was pulled out of her thoughts by the feeling of her lover's hand under her chin, guiding her lips to his for a gentle kiss._ "And remember to go out the back window," _he murmured when he pulled out of the kiss._ "The Kremlin has eyes _everywhere_.  I'll see you soon."

~~~~

 Nat sighed as she looked around the room.  Time had not been kind to this place, or to her lover, but it had been kinder to her.  Perhaps she _could_ help James to find himself again.  But perhaps she couldn't.  There really would be no way of knowing one way or the other, until they found him.

"Tasha?" Clint asked gently.  "What's the plan of action to find this guy?"

"We're going to set up a stakeout," Nat said slowly, pulling herself out of the memories of the past.  "On the Kremlin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dialogue and description of the aftermath of BuckyNat having wild sex in a hotel room is from Captain America & Bucky: The Life Story of Bucky Barnes.


	5. Chapter 5

Clint was being an absolute darling about this whole thing, Nat decided as they gathered up what they would need for their stakeout of the Kremlin. He could easily have signed off of this whole thing by now; called her crazy the moment she'd mentioned what their next step was.  Instead, Clint was being the best friend a woman could ask for.  Not only was he staying, but he was willing and eager to help.

They packed everything up quickly.  Years of working together had made them an efficient team; a well-oiled machine that would allow them to overcome everyone who stood in their way. Of course, they'd had to fight for that efficiency, Nat thought to herself as she watched Clint move to prep his bow, cleaning all the different parts. 

Most of that fight had been on Nat's part. By the time they first met, all those years ago, Natalia had been numb and almost dead inside. All she'd longed for had been another connection in her life, like what had been shared with the Winter Soldier. So she had molded Clint into what she felt she needed.  Except that the connection she'd been trying to find with the archer had been nearly nonexistent. Yes, they had begun to work well together, and the sex had been nothing but enjoyable, but that emotional joining never came into being.  At least, Nat considered as she watched her friend, not for her.

"Ready?" Clint asked, examining his bow and then folding it up into its case.

"As I'll ever be," Nat replied, nodding. "I have some old contacts here; mostly former KGB, of course."

"Oh, of course," Clint drawled with a wry smile. "Wouldn't expect anything less from you."

Nat rolled her eyes a little at him and shook her head. "I'll be talking to one of them while we're on the stakeout.  Get all the information available on the Winter Soldier.  If we have all of it, then we'll be able to lay out bait to bring him to us."

"Is that the best method?" Clint asked quietly. "I know you want to get easy access to him, but you really don't know how he'll react when he sees you again."

Clint's wisdom in the face of such difficulties often baffled those around him.  Not so with Natasha. She knew him better than he would, perhaps, allow any other person to know him.  Beneath all the bravado and seeming childishness, there was a man who was a genius in many ways.  Not only that, but he knew Natasha better than anyone but the Winter Soldier—or at least, the Winter Soldier of her past.

"I don't know," Nat admitted slowly. "All I know is that we have to find him.  If he's calmer—if he's regained more of his memories—then maybe, just maybe, I can get through to him."

"But we have no idea where he is, what he's been doing, or anything else," Clint pointed out.  "All we can do right now is wait."

"Yeah," Nat sighed, rubbing her forehead. "We wait, watch, and go from there."

Clint nodded slowly, reaching over to take Nat's hand in his. "We will figure it out, Tasha," he said softly.

"I know," she replied, giving his hand a soft squeeze. "We have to."

~~~~

Clint had never been fond of stakeouts. Nat knew this about him, after nearly thirty years of friendship.  Less than two hours into their long wait, he was already making projectiles out of any piece of debris he could find inside the old van they'd hotwired several streets south of their hotel.

"Stop that," Nat said, covering the mouthpiece of her burner cell.  "I'm trying to talk on the phone, you jackass."

"I'm _bored_ , Tasha!" Clint whined, letting his head drop back against the wall of the van with a _thunk_.

Rolling her eyes for what felt like the millionth time in the last two hours, Nat turned back to her call.  " _Yes, you heard me right_ ," she said in Russian. " _All the files from the Red Room that pertain to the Winter Soldier_."  She paused to listen to the voice at the other end of the call.

" _Natalia! You know that I cannot possibly give you all of that. I never had access to Department X—_ if _it ever existed to begin with—and I certainly don't have access now_!"

" _I respect that, Dmitri,_ " Nat murmured. " _But you and I both know that Department X and the Red Room were very real.  You_ will _get me what I've asked for_ ," she continued, her voice growing cold as she spoke.  Behind her, she heard Clint stiffen at the change in her tone. " _You will do so, and here is how I know; you witnessed horrible things during the era of Communism, Dmitri. You witnessed them, and you let themcontinue.  I could tell some very powerful people some very interesting things and get you taken in for war crimes_."

There was a long pause as Dmitri took in what had been said. Finally, in a low voice, he answered. " _You drive a hard bargain, Natalia.  You always did. I'll get you what you need_."

" _Thank you, Dmitri_ ," Nat replied, smirking to herself as she hung up the phone.  Glancing over at Clint, she arched an eyebrow at the wide-eyed stare he had fixed on her. "What?" she asked, switching to English.

"You're downright _scary_ when you want something," Clint replied.  "I'm damn glad I never got on your bad side."

"Oh, you did a couple of times," Nat chuckled, squirming a little in her seat.  "But you never made me want to go through you to get something I wanted. That is what Dmitri just did. I don't take kindly to people stalling in order to keep me from what I want and need to get things done."

Clint nodded slowly, taking in what was just said. "I guess I can respect that," he said slowly.  "It's still really scary."

Nat smiled fondly at her friend, lightly chucking him under the chin.  "Shut up and focus those hawk eyes of yours on the Kremlin."

"I see what you did there," Clint teased, moving back to examine the surveillance equipment they had set up before settling down in the van.

It wasn't a particularly sophisticated set up compared to past ops they'd performed together.  Most of what they'd managed to plant had been very small—and cheap—cameras that didn't give very clear pictures.  They hadn't had the time or means to get microphones, so all they could do was watch grainy images on the single laptop available to them, or watch the crowd through the windshield.

Hours passed, with little to show for it.  By the time the sun began to set, Nat was growing as restless as Clint. Glancing over at the archer, Nat sighed heavily.

"I need to get out of this damn car," she murmured. "If I have to stare out a window for much longer, I'm going to hit you."

"But I didn't _do_ anything!" Clint protested.

"That's why I'm going to take a walk, Clint," Nat said with a wry smile.  "I don't want to get mad at you for something that's not your fault."

Blowing a kiss to Clint to soften the bite of her words, Nat climbed out of the van, locking it behind her.  A stiff breeze moved through the open plaza just outside of the Kremlin, making Natasha grateful that she had packed her heaviest coat. Turning the collar up so that it protected her ears from the chill of the wind, she began to wander the plaza. It had been so long since she last came to this particular spot.  Stuffing her hands into her pockets, Nat gazed up at the imposing but also strangely picturesque building before her.  As the sun set over the horizon, lights began to rise up and illuminate the Kremlin.

"And to think," Nat whispered to herself. "I used to fear the men who hide behind those walls."

Turning her back on the building, Nat looked around at the crowd surrounding her.  So many people were going about their daily lives, not even knowing who she was. Once she had been an agent whose name was whispered as a threat to children.  Now, some sixty years after she had begun to work alongside the Winter Soldier, she wasn't known to anyone in this country.  She had changed so much in that time, and not just by dying her hair.

The breeze that was sweeping through the plaza began to pick up, making Nat's short hair fly about her face wildly.  Reaching up to brush her hair out of her eyes, Nat paused when she spotted a brief flash of fading sunlight reflecting off of metal. Her whole body grew rigid as she realized what she had seen.  A quick glance at the van was all the warning she gave Clint that anything had changed before she began to move through the crowd. 

Even with the sharp cold of April in Russia and the dimming light of the sun, the plaza was surprisingly full.  However, no one stood anywhere near the slouching figure of James Barnes.  His entire body language sent out radiating waves of _don't touch me_ , even to those who couldn't read such signs with ease.  Nat drew closer to him, the only person who dared to do so in the entire crowd. For several long minutes, he didn't acknowledge her presence, though Nat was certain he was aware of her. Instead, he kept walking until he stood only one hundred yards in front of the Kremlin.  Staring up at the building with unseeing eyes, he didn't flinch away when Nat stood beside him.

" _They hurt me, didn't they_?" he asked her in the softly-accented Russian she had come to love so dearly.

" _Da_ ," Nat murmured back.  " _They hurt both of us_."

Silence stretched out between the two of them. It wasn't a painful or even awkward silence; just the sort that existed between two people who had a shared understanding.  As she glanced over at the man beside her, Nat inhaled sharply through her nose. She hadn't gotten a very good look at him in the dim light of the motel where they'd last run into one another. Now that she could see him fully, his face bathed in the lights that illuminated the Kremlin's façade, she felt her heart lurch painfully. 

Dark circles were under his eyes, which had a haunted and hunted look to them.  His jawline was shadowed by the rough beginnings of a beard that he hadn't bothered to try and shave for several days.  The long hair that had previously hung loose about his face, deceptively soft, was now lank and greasy from a lack of washing.  The ragged clothing he wore was ill-fitted to his powerful body, clinging to him where it shouldn't and hanging loose where it should cling. A glove covered his metal hand, but his flesh and blood hand was bare to the chill winds of Moscow.

Out of instinct, Nat reached out with her right hand, lacing her fingers between the hard digits of the metal hand.  James started beside her, his eyes flicking to her face in shock before his fingers slowly closed around hers.  They stood there, just looking at one another out of the corners of their eyes and holding hands, for what felt like hours. Clint didn't rush in to pull them apart, so Nat could only hope that he had seen that she was all right and was waiting to see how this would play out.

"I remember you," James said softly, this time in English. "Your name… It's Natalia, isn't it?"

Her heart thundered in her chest, loud enough that Natasha was sure James could hear it, as she nodded in response.  "Yes.  But I go by Natasha now," she replied in the same language.  "Do you remember anything else?"

"I—" he sighed in frustration.  "I don't know.  Pieces come back to me in random bursts.  Sometimes I don't know if they're dreams or not."

"It is hard," Nat agreed, moving to stand in front of him. "I know.  I went through a similar process once, ten years ago."

Fear passed through the eyes of the man in front of her. She could hardly blame him for that fear, having felt something very similar when she was new to S.H.I.E.L.D. and had to relive some of her worst moments.  Her fingers were still laced with his, and he made no move to pull away from her, to her relief.

"Will the pain ever leave?" he asked his voice suddenly small and afraid, like a child after a nightmare.

"I honestly don't know," Nat said slowly. "It hasn't left entirely for me. Perhaps it never will. All I know is that we can't just let this overcome us."

His expression remained tortured for a moment as he took in what Nat had said.  Then, slowly, as though he were afraid of what would happen, he nodded.

"You're right," he murmured.  “But I have no idea where to even begin…”

“I know,” Nat said with a sigh.  “It’s going to be a very hard road ahead for you, James. I won’t tell you otherwise.”

He flinched a little at the name of James, but there was no other sign that he recognized it.  His fingers were still interlaced with Nat’s, and he made no move at all to pull back from her.  Instead, he met her gaze head on and chewed thoughtfully at the inside of his cheek.

“Can it be done, though?” he pressed quietly.

“It can,” Nat reassured him gently.  “As I said, I’ve gone through it.”

Slowly, James looked into Nat’s eyes, as though he was trying to sense deception in what she was telling him.  He didn’t seem to find any, since he nodded slowly and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.  Hope and relief flooded Nat’s chest at once, making her almost light-headed as she smiled weakly at the man standing before her.

“We’ll start right away,” she said quietly. “I have a friend waiting in a car.” Apprehension filled his eyes in an instant, and Nat hastened to fix that.  “We aren’t here to hurt you or take you back to…them,” she told him, unable to even voice the name of HYDRA.  “All we want—all _I_ want—is to help you.”

Nat had always known that a person’s eyes could tell her more about their thoughts than any other part of their body.  Studying someone’s so-called ‘micro-expressions’, while it could yield very real results, was something that took years to master. It was the same with body language. People already had a very basic, instinctual understanding of both things; that was how people intuitively knew that someone might become a threat.  What no one could question or debate, however, was how very expressive the eyes of a human being could be.  Right now, Nat focused all her attention on James Barnes’ eyes, taking in what he was thinking by watching them.

The last time she had been close enough to see his eyes, they had been without any soul or expression; dead and lifeless as the puppet that HYDRA had made him to be.  Now, his eyes were full of so many different emotions that it was hard to gauge what he was really thinking at that very moment.  There was fear present, naturally, but there was also a sickening sense of hopelessness warring with the growing hope that slowly became more evident.

“You knew me once,” he said slowly.  “I don’t know if I’m still the man you knew.”

“The man I knew wasn’t his own person,” Nat pointed out. “The man I knew was also someone who couldn’t risk giving his love to anyone, for fear of the repercussions of that love.”

At the word _love_ , he gave her a sharp look, his eyes moving over her entire body in a quick glance. For that brief moment, Nat felt more naked than she ever had with her clothes off.  It was almost as though he managed to see straight through her whole body straight into her soul.  But she didn’t flinch away from that gaze; if she did, she was certain that he would walk away right then.

“You loved me once.”  It wasn’t a question, but Nat still nodded in answer.  As he took this in, James met her gaze and rubbed at the stubble on his jaw.  “Did I…?”

Nat took a deep, steadying breath and hugged herself tightly. “I honestly hoped that you did,” she answered carefully.  “But it was never said outright.”

Not for the first time since spotting James in the crowd, Nat was glad that Clint couldn’t hear her speaking with James. This conversation had become far too intimate far too quickly, and she didn’t want Clint giving her hell about that.

“Do you…still?”

 _Bozhe moi_ , Nat thought in mingled shock and embarrassment at the bluntness of his question. Rubbing her forehead, she closed her eyes tightly and weighed what she would say next very cautiously.

“For a very long time, I denied any feeling I ever had for you,” she began, not meeting his gaze.  “Love was for children.”  The words felt like poison in her mouth as she spoke them, wrinkling her nose slightly. “They told me that as they…punished me,” she continued.  She heard him inhale sharply, but didn’t bother to stop now.  “I told myself that what we’d had was a mistake.  For _years_ , I told myself that. Then when I found someone I thought that I could trust enough to let into my bed again—not because I was expected to, but because I _wanted_ to—I realized that I was missing that emotional connection we had.  I never loved anyone again after you.  Not in the same way that I loved you, at least.”

Once more, there was silence between them as James took in what she had just said.  Clint must be wondering what was going on by now, but Nat couldn’t bring herself to care about that just now.  Her main priority was getting James to come with her, after all.

“I…I don’t remember loving you,” he said after a few more moments of consideration.  “But I remember your face; I remember watching you train.  Will that be enough for you…for the time being?”

Nat didn’t know what was wrong with her lungs lately. Ever since she had realized who it was that had been sent to kill Nick Fury—she could still hear Steve’s voice whispering _He had a metal arm_ —she would have moments of breathlessness that had nothing to do with fear or physical pain. Right now, there was a slight ache deep in her chest that accompanied her inability to take a full, deep breath, and she really did not appreciate being incapable of controlling her body’s responses.

“For the time being, I’m just relieved that you aren’t harmed,” she said honestly.  “My priority right now is to help you learn what you want to know, and find who you are now.”

His shoulders relaxed almost imperceptibly. Whatever he had been anticipating her to say, this was clearly a vast improvement.  Smiling weakly at him, Nat slowly pulled her hand away from his.

“Come on,” she urged him quietly.  “You need to meet my par—Friend.  My friend,” Nat corrected herself quickly. “I think you’ll get along fairly well.” She didn’t add the _I hope_ that floated through her mind.

Apprehension filled James’ eyes again, but there was also trust there.  He was willing to potentially put his life on the line because she said that she would help him. A part of Nat was worried at how easily he was trusting her right now, but another part of her was just relieved he didn’t see her as a threat anymore.  He had said he remembered her, at least in part; perhaps that was why he trusted her now.

“Is your friend former KGB as well?” James asked carefully.

“No,” Nat smiled wryly.  “He’s former S.H.I.E.L.D., like I am now.”

“And you know for certain he isn’t HYDRA?” he pressed, a line appearing between his eyebrows as he gazed at her in concern.

“Clint couldn’t be HYDRA anymore than I could be a freight train,” Nat replied fiercely.  “I’d trust him with my own life.”

A surprised laugh escaped James’ mouth at Nat’s choice of metaphor. The sound was almost innocent in how genuine it was, and it sent a jolt of pain straight through Nat’s heart. Had things been different—had they never met in Russia—he might have remained the kind man Steve had once known. There were still fragments of that Bucky, buried deep within this man, but most of that man had died when he fell from a train on a cold, winter’s evening.  That laugh—that brief, quiet laugh—was just another fragment of what had been lost forever.

“Well, if you trust him…” he trailed off meaningfully.

Nat nodded and turned towards the van.  The sky was now entirely dark, and much of the crowd was starting to dissipate as the cold grew harsher with the lack of sunlight. The stiff breeze was still blowing, making both Nat and James’ hair flutter wildly.  A shiver ran through Nat’s spine as the breeze ran over the back of her neck.  She’d been so long away from Russia that she’d grown unaccustomed to the cold of her homeland, she realized with a slight pang of regret in her gut.  That thought was quickly pushed away as they drew closer to the van.

“Clint,” Nat murmured, lightly rapping the sliding side door of the van to signal that it was her.  “Open up.”

There was a soft _click_ as the door unlocked, then the sound of metal, plastic and rubber moving together as the door was pulled open.  “Took you long enough,” Clint commented from inside the heated vehicle. “I was starting to think the two of you were gonna freeze in place.”

“The fact that you were willing to rush out at a moment’s notice tells me just how concerned you were,” Nat deadpanned, climbing up into the van with James close behind her.

“Ha!  And leave the luxury of a heated interior?” Clint snorted.  “You wish I still liked you that much, Romanoff.”

Nat smiled wryly and lightly cuffed Clint upside the head as she settled in beside him.  “James, this is Clint Barton, my friend,” she said slowly, motioning from one man to the other. “Clint, this is…” she hesitated for a moment, wondering if James would _want_ to be introduced by his first name.  Of course, his former title was out of the question completely. Smiling weakly, she continued on. “Clint, this is James.”

The two men stared at one another intently, sizing each other up. For a brief moment, Nat wondered if she would have to offer to get a ruler for the two of them. Clint’s expression was friendly enough—even jovial—as he met the gaze of the Winter Soldier. James, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes dangerously.  For a brief moment, Nat was almost certain she had seen _jealousy_ in the way James glared at Clint.  That was more than a little out of place, given how little he seemed to even remember of her to begin with.  Sighing in frustration, she shook her head and reached out a hand to touch James’ knee.

“He’s a _friend_ , James,” she repeated firmly, adding in Russian, “ _So stop glaring at him_.”

“You do remember I can at least understand Russian, yeah?” Clint pointed out dryly.

Nat waved a dismissive hand in his general direction. Her focus was on James for the time being. After a brief hesitation, he nodded his understanding and sat back a little.  Once he had leaned back, Nat shook her head at them both.

“Men,” she muttered under her breath.

“We can hear you,” Clint said as he poked her arm.

“Good,” Nat said with a shrug.  “Maybe you’ll learn from it.”

Before either man could react to what had been said, there was a loud _thump_ as someone landed on the top of the van.  All three of them started in shock, staring up at the ceiling of the van.

“What the f--?”


	6. Chapter 6

Nat and Clint exchanged concerned glances at the sound of someone landing on the top of the van.  Standing up sharply, Nat reached over for her ever-present handgun.  Clint already had his bow in hand, his expression cold and controlled.  James, on the other hand, was stiff and unmoving, his eyes wide and almost afraid.  For a moment, Nat debated if she should remain in the van with James and send Clint out to do the work of finding out who had just landed on their vehicle.  But that wasn’t exactly an option for her.  Her personality wouldn’t allow for it.

“Stay here,” she murmured to James.  “We’ll be back.”

He nodded, even though there was a look of helpless anger in his eyes.  Pausing long enough to rest her hand on his shoulder, Nat followed Clint as he moved over to side door of the van.  Looking over at Nat, Clint held up a hand and counted down from three with his fingers.  

When he reached the number one, Nat slammed the door open and reached up, pressing her hands flat against the roof of the van.  Heaving herself up, she swung her legs around sharply to kick at the person standing on top of the van.  There was a grunt as Nat’s legs connected with those of the stranger.  A loud _thump_ followed as a body connected with the metal of the van roof.  Nat rested on one knee, her other leg extended to support her as she leaned forward, her hand resting on the roof underneath her.  The breeze was still stiff, blowing her hair in front of her eyes as she tried to see their attacker clearly.

It was another woman; a blonde.  Nat narrowed her eyes at this.  There were only two blonde women that she knew who might be following her and Clint right now: Sharon Carter and Bobbi Morse.  It wasn’t likely to be Sharon, as Nat had spoken with her just after speaking with Steve and Sam at the cemetery.  Sharon would be joining the CIA, so she was still stateside.  That left Bobbi, and Nat did _not_ like that idea at all.

The woman groaned a little and pushed herself up onto her elbows, holding a pair of batons tightly in her hands.  That answered the question of who she was fairly certainly in Nat’s mind.  With a low curse, she stood up on the van and kicked out at Bobbi Morse’s head.  Bobbi hastily blocked the kick by crossing her batons in front of Nat’s foot, her eyes darting up to Nat’s face.  There was fear in Bobbi’s eyes for a brief moment.  Setting her jaw in anger, Nat made to shove the other woman off of the van.

Two different possibilities filled Nat’s mind.  If Bobbi was here, then she was either freelancing or had always been HYDRA.  Neither option was particularly pleasant to think of.  If Bobbi was HYDRA, then Nat didn’t know how she should deal with this situation.  She had worked briefly with Bobbi Morse on two different missions and had found the blonde warrior to be a very pleasant woman.  

 _How many people has HYDRA corrupted_? Nat thought bitterly as she shoved at Bobbi.

The other woman twisted sharply, sliding down the back of the van to land softly on her feet, her batons at the ready.  She opened her mouth as if to speak, but Nat moved first.  Sliding down the back of the van as well, she kicked out at Bobbi’s stomach as she landed, sending the other woman further away from her.

“Need a hand, Tasha?” Clint asked from just behind her.

“Take care of her for me,” Nat snapped.  “I have to stay with James.”

Clint nodded his understanding, pulling out an arrow and aiming it at Bobbi’s legs.  He fired, and a net burst out of the arrowhead, wrapping around the blonde woman’s legs.  She fell with a startled cry, her batons clattering and skidding away on the pavement.  Turning to face Nat, Clint gave her hand a tight squeeze.

“Go on,” he said.   “I’ll hold her off.  We’ll meet at the usual place.”

Nat squeezed his strong hand in response and pressed a kiss to his cheek.  “She’s good, Clint.  Be careful,” she warned.

“Yeah, yeah.  Go on, Tash.”

Nodding one last time, Nat hurried back into the van.  Slamming the door shut behind her, she moved up to the front seat and grabbed the wires that she had pulled free to hotwire the van to begin with.  Sparking them together, she nodded in satisfaction as she felt the vehicle come alive underneath her.

“What about your friend?” James asked as he moved into the passenger seat next to her.  “Are we just leaving him?”

“He asked us to,” Nat said, easing the vehicle into drive and hitting the gas.  “We’ll reunite with him outside of Kiev.”

“Kiev? Isn’t that a bit far away?” James pressed.

“Clint’s a big boy,” Nat shrugged.  “He can take care of himself.”

James was silent after this, clutching the arms of the seat he was in, his face drawn and pale.  Nat was used to seeing such reactions to her driving.  She’d learned to drive in extreme circumstances, long ago, and she hadn’t bothered to learn a new method.  Thankfully, she was skilled enough that no one was run over in the process of them getting out of the city.  Once they were out of the city, Natasha began to speed up even more.  If they wanted to get to Kiev quickly, then a few traffic laws would have to be bent or outright broken.  So long as she kept ahead of police, it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.

“Do you always drive like this?” James asked quietly.

“You were the one to teach me how to drive, you know,” Nat replied with a smirk.  “So there is that.”

He arched an eyebrow at this.  “I’m a menace behind the wheel, then.  Who thought it was a good idea to let me drive?” he deadpanned quietly.

“Well, the KGB for one,” Nat said slowly.  “Me, for another.”

“Ah, well that explains it, then,” James said quietly.  

Silence spread out between the two of them, then, uncomfortable and heavy with unspoken memories and half-remembered words from the past.  Nat shifted a little in her seat, wondering what exactly she should say or do in this situation.  There wasn’t exactly a guidebook on how to behave around your former lover who now had no memory of you.  For a moment, Nat almost wished there was such a guidebook.  It would make this whole experience so much easier for her and James both.

The drive to Kiev was long; a total of ten hours.  Nat only stopped now and then to refill the gas tank.  Even with these stops, the two of them didn’t venture too far away from the van.  Rest was not needed for either of them.  A ten hour drive, while trying, was certainly not the most trying thing that they had been through.  What troubled Nat the most about this whole trip was what would come at the end of it for the two of them.  That they would have to begin working on trying to figure out where James began and the programming of the Winter Soldier ended was without question.  How they would go about that was the real question.

When they finally reached Kiev, Nat ditched the van just outside of the city limits.  With the van left behind, both she and James carried all the supplies that had been inside of the vehicle as they made their way towards a gas station.  Even now, they were both still silent.  Neither of them seemed to have any clear idea of how to speak with one another, unless they were directly referencing something from their past.  But that was not what Nat wanted to talk about; not solely, at least.  They would have to discuss their past, naturally, but there was so much more to be dealt with.

Glancing over at James, Nat admired the way his metal arm lifted the duffle containing majority of their weapons with ease.  She knew the strength of that arm intimately, of course.  How could she not?  He had spent so many long nights holding her in that arm, even as he told her that love was not for such as them.  Her heart clenched at that thought, and she turned away with a sigh.

“Something wrong?” James asked.

“Hmm?” Nat replied distractedly.  “Oh…No. I’m fine.  Just a lot of memories in this part of the world.”

James stiffened slightly, pausing by the side of the road for a moment.  He glanced over at her, something very like guilt in his eyes as he did so.  “I am sorry that I can’t remember it all,” he said quietly.

“No, don’t,” Nat cut him off.  “It isn’t your fault that you can’t remember, and we’ll be working on that.”

His expression was still one of guilt, but he began to move forward again.  Nat watched him move, her heart still hurting, but she couldn’t help but admire the way his body shifted with each step.  Every inch of him was controlled muscle, like a large cat stalking prey.  If she weren’t so busy being in pain over his lack of memory, Nat would have found herself very turned on right now.

“Did we ever visit Kiev?” James asked slowly.

“Not together,” Nat said with a wry smile.  “Most of our missions together were in the areas surrounding Moscow.  They didn’t want us out of their immediate influence for too long.”

“That does make sense,” he murmured to himself.  “From what little I remember, they didn’t trust us.”

“The Kremlin had eyes everywhere,” Nat agreed with a wry smile.

“Even in your rooms?” James asked.

Nat arched both eyebrows in shock at this question, glancing at him curiously.  “Why do you ask?”

He shrugged helplessly, his expression torn and bitter.  “I-I don’t know why,” he sighed.  “The question just came to me.”

A sad smile crossed Nat’s lips as she watched his expression.  He had those memories, somewhere, buried inside his mind, and he couldn’t access them.  She, on the other hand, had unlimited access to those memories and couldn’t share them with him.  It was frustrating, to say the least.

~~~~

_The room was silent as Natalia read a book in English.  She had much to learn, still.  Even now, she had a slight accent to her English when she spoke it with the Winter Soldier.  Outside, snow was beginning to fall in fat, lazy flakes.  It was cold and quiet, but Natalia didn’t mind.  She was comfortable in her room, lying on her bed.  Suddenly, she heard something just outside her window.  Turning her head slightly, she felt herself smiling softly._

_“You shouldn’t be here,” she murmured in Russian as the Winter Soldier moved through the window.  “They’ll kill you if they find out.”_

_“I don’t care,” the Winter Soldier replied, moving to kneel beside her on the bed._

_Joy filled Natalia at this admission.  Even while she knew—or hoped she knew—the depth of his feelings towards her, it was so rarely spoken of between the two of them.  They couldn’t risk speaking of it, if they valued their safety within the KGB.  Reaching up, Natalia pulled her lover’s face closer to hers, pressing her forehead to his._

_“I’m promised to someone else,” she murmured halfheartedly._

_“I know…He’s an ass,” her lover replied with a grin._

_Natalia couldn’t help laughing at these words.  She had only met Alexei Shostakov once; when her engagement to him was announced to them both.  He had been kind enough to her, in his own way.  But Shostakov was known as a hard man made hard by the years of the Second World War.   While Natalia admired Shostakov as the hero of the Soviet Union that he was, she had no love for him._

_“You can’t just say such things,” she admonished the Winter Soldier gently, her fingers caressing his jawline._

_“But I want to,” he murmured, taking her wrist in his hand and pressing a kiss to her open palm.  “You shouldn’t be wed to that man.  He doesn’t deserve you.”_

_“And you do?” Natalia pressed, tilting her head at him.  “You know that we can never be.  You say it frequently enough.”_

_A look of impotent anger crossed the Winter Soldier’s face.  As he looked into her eyes, Natalia felt her heart throb painfully.  He loved her; that much Natalia was almost certain of.  The only difficulty was that their love was doomed to failure no matter how they looked at it.  There was no hope for them, even if one said that their masters within the KGB would be overthrown in the near future.  They were both too valuable to the Soviet Union to be allowed to love one another._

_“I’m not here to fight with you,” James murmured.  “You know that, don’t you?”_

_“I do,” Natalia assured him, looking up into his eyes.  Smiling weakly at him, she pressed a soft kiss to his lips.  “I know.”_

_“We have so little time,” he murmured.  “Let’s take advantage of it.”_

_Once more, their lips met in a gentle kiss.  But quickly, the kiss grew heated and fueled by an overpowering_ need _for the two of them to possess one another in the most primal way.  Natalia’s lips parted under her lover’s, as he swallowed the soft whimpers and moans that escaped her mouth.  His cold, metal hand bunched up the fabric of her silk nightgown at her waist, making the fabric ride up her thighs.  When they pulled out of the kiss, breathless and flushed, his eyes were the most expressive she had ever seen them.  Anger, want, sorrow, and love battled in his eyes as he lifted her up in his arms._

_Wrapping her arms around his neck, Natalia pressed heated kisses to his jaw and throat, her fingers moving up to twist in his hair and keep him in place. They both did their best to be silent in their passion, but there were still moments when soft noises of pleasure escaped them.  Fumbling fingers worked to get the Winter Soldier’s coat and undershirt off quickly, interrupted by low moans and heated kisses._

_Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they were both naked and pressed hungrily against one another’s bodies.  Natalia pulled her lover down and kissed him intensely.  Her legs were spread for him, her lower lips already wet for him. When he slipped a finger between her legs to stroke at her folds, he growled in a feral manner._

_“You’re so wet,_ miliy moi _,” he purred into her ear.  “I may not even have to prepare you.”_

_“I wish you wouldn’t,” Natalia whimpered.  “I need you. No being slow, please.”_

_When she glanced up into his eyes, she saw just a hint of hesitation.  She couldn’t stand for that.  Leaning up enough that she could press her breasts against his bare chest, she twisted a hand in his hair and pulled him down for a heated kiss._

_“Don’t be gentle or slow,” she urged him on.  “I need to feel you claim me.”_

_Her further assurance seemed to calm whatever doubts were in her lover’s mind, as he thrust into her firmly.  A weak noise of pleasured surprise burst from Natalia’s lips before she could stop herself. Biting down on her lip to prevent any other noises, she pressed her face against his shoulder. Taking this as his cue, her lover’s hips began to move in hard, purposeful thrusts.  There was no sound but their labored breathing, the slap of flesh on flesh, and a few soft noises of pleasure that neither could hold back. He kept this rhythm up for several minutes, to Natalia’s delight, before he reached between them to slowly rub at the bundle of nerves just above where they were joined._

_“Please, Natalia,” he growled into her ear.  “I need to feel you…”_

_She didn’t take much further urging.  Within moments, she was biting down on his shoulder to stifle her ecstatic cries as she came hard. A groan of almost pained bliss sounded in her ear, her lover pulling himself out of her, to her great dislike. As she whimpered at the loss of him inside of her, she watched in lazy wonder as his hand pumped over his length. Then he was also coming, his face contorted with pleasure._

~~~~

“Are we close?” James asked quietly, pulling Nat out of her thoughts.

Shaking her head to clear it, Nat looked around at the surrounding streets.  They were nearly at the gas station, which was a relief.  Once there, Nat could hotwire another car.  Or, if they were lucky, she’d find one with the keys still in the ignition.  But in Kiev, that was not going to be entirely likely.  With the way things had been between Ukraine and Russia in recent months, as well as the way Kiev had been full of ill-will towards those who were in support of Russia.  Nat was not looking forward to running into Ukrainians.  While her association with Russia was long over, she would rather not risk dealing with the outright dislike of her motherland.

“We are,” she said.  “We’ll pick up another car when we reach the gas station.”

“You mean steal?” James corrected with a slightly amused arch of his eyebrow.

“Maybe,” Nat hedged, smiling wryly at him.  “Would you judge me severely if I did steal the car?”

“I don’t think I’d have any right to do so,” he said with a shrug.  “This is your mission right now, after all.”

“It isn’t a mission, James,” Nat sighed.  “This is just me trying to help you.  I’m not doing it because it’s a mission.”

Silence was becoming very common between the two of them, Nat noted with a bit of sarcastic bitterness.  Every time she said anything even remotely emotional to this man, he shut down hard and fast.  Without even glancing over at her, James grew silent the closer they became to the gas station.  It was infuriating.

Once they reached the gas station, Nat moved quickly to the nearest, smallest car.  It was an old hatchback from the late 1970s, by the look of it.  Examining the car, she pulled out her usual tools for hotwiring.  Looking around, she jimmied the door open and glanced inside.  Whoever was the owner of the car, they didn’t seem to care if it got stolen, because the keys were indeed in the ignition.

“Some deity must be satisfied with something I’ve done,” Nat muttered under her breath.  “Come on, put the weapons in the back and climb in,” she added, glancing over her shoulder at James.  “We’re another half an hour’s drive from the safe house.”

James nodded his understanding and tossed the bag of weapons into the back seat.  Once they were both settled in, Nat turned the key in the ignition.  It took a moment, but the engine finally sputtered to life.  Smiling to herself, Nat nodded over  at James before she reversed out of the parking lot.  The car was a little louder than Nat would have liked, but it was the best they could get.  Continuing on, she remained silent until they reached the safe house.

It wasn’t a particularly well-built building.  A relic from the Second World War, it had a slight lean to the frame, and many of the windows were crooked.  Thankfully, it was also very out of the way.  No one would have assumed that two spies used this building as a safe haven after missions.  Parking the car several streets away, Nat reached back for the duffle bag of weapons before she made her way towards the safe house.  Glancing over at James, she nodded for him to follow her to the house.

Once they were both inside the house, Nat set the bag down and moved along to the first of the bedrooms.  “You can sleep here,” she told him.  “It’s not much, I know, but it should be comfortable.”

James nodded idly, running his flesh and blood hand through his hair.  “I’ve been in worse places,” he commented quietly.

Neither of them made any move to go about their business, both shuffling on their feet awkwardly. Finally, Nat cleared her throat and nodded awkwardly.

“Good night,” she said.  “I’ll be in the bedroom next to yours, if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” James replied.  “I’ll…I’ll remember that.”

With a final, pained smile, Nat turned to the small bedroom that always served as her room and makeshift command center whenever she was in Kiev.  Closing the door behind her, she bit her lip and rested her forehead against the worn wood of the frame.  This was going to be a lot harder than she had first thought it would be, it seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, I'm not trying to make this an erotica story! The smut flashbacks just keep happening! I keep telling Nat to keep it in her pants, and she just goes "lol nope!" So I really do apologize for the seemingly gratuitous amounts of smut. I didn't start this story with the intention of making it Porn With Surprising Amounts of Plot


	7. Chapter 7

_It was quiet.  Too quiet.  He knew that there was something about to go wrong, but he couldn’t begin to guess at what it was.  All he knew was that he had yelled, in English, at his superiors.  He wasn’t meant to do something like that.  What confused him most about this whole thing was why he wasn’t being punished for behaving in such a manner.  Any other operative would have been shot on sight for doing what he had done._

_There was another issue at hand.  That of the Black Widow; his beloved Natalia.  It had been made clear to him that at least one of his superiors suspected that he was at least physically involved with the Black Widow.  He had no way of knowing just how much of their relationship and its nature was known to their superiors.  If they were aware of how much he loved her, how much he needed her in his life, then she would be in danger as well.  That was the one thing that worried him most.  His own personal safety was secondary to the safety of his beloved._

_Then they came for him.  Three men, their faces empty of all emotion.  They grabbed hold of him by the arms, dragging him through the halls of Department X.  He struggled; oh God, how he struggled.  He couldn’t let them take him.  Not when he knew what was likely waiting at the end of this hallway for him.  Death would be all that awaited him.  Death, or something much, much worse._

_When he saw the room where he was being dragged, his heart nearly stopped beating for a moment.  Natalia was there.  How was she here, and why?  Had they learned the true extent of the feelings he and Natalia had for one another?  If they had, then they would likely kill Natalia before his eyes and then kill him.  He saw fear in Natalia’s eyes, and that filled him with a rage he had never felt before.  With a shout of her name, he rushed towards her, to try and shield her from whatever pain might be aimed at her._

_Lancing shocks of pain filled his body.  His muscles twitched and convulsed as his throat closed on a scream of pain.  All that he could do was make a broken sound as he collapsed to his knees._

_“Leave him_ alone _!” he heard Natalia scream.  “It’s_ not _his fault!”_

_Another voice answered Natalia.  That was a voice that he was far too familiar with.  Vasily Karpov._

_“I think from now on, you let_ me _worry about my soldiers, little Natalia.”_

_There was such anger and hatred in Karpov’s voice.  It was enough to make the Winter Soldier’s blood boil.  Karpov was going to harm Natalia.  He knew that the same way he knew that he loved Natalia Romanova.  Gathering up what strength he had, he tried to rush towards his beloved._

“Natalia, run!” _he shouted in English., but before he could reach her, his body was overcome by the mind-numbing pain once again._

~~~~

Nat woke with a gasp.  In the room next to her, she heard James’ voice, crying out for her.  Sitting up sharply, she rushed out of her room towards the room where James was sleeping.  He was thrashing wildly in bed, screaming for Natalia.  While she was reluctant to try and wake him, he would likely cause himself physical harm if she let him remain this way.  Rushing over, she grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him firmly.

“James!” she shouted, trying to get his attention.  When he remained locked in his nightmare, she sighed in frustration.  “I am sorry,” she murmured before she slapped him firmly across the face.

The blow seemed to be just what was needed.  With a cry of shock and fear, he sat up sharply, his metal arm swinging out in an attempt to protect himself.  Unfortunately for Nat, she was right in front of him.  His arm caught her in the stomach, throwing her back against the wall.  Gasping in shock at the blow, Nat made a strangled noise when she felt all the air rush from her lungs forcefully as she hit the wall.  A harsh cough escaped her before she took in a shaky breath of air.  Rubbing at her sore stomach, she turned her gaze towards James.

His eyes were full of fear and without any recognition for several moments.  Then as the nightmare seemed to finally leave his mind, he turned to face Nat and guilt replaced the fear in his eyes.  He looked down at where her hand rubbed against her stomach, and grew pale.

“Natalia, I--”

“No, no,” Nat said hastily, holding up a hand to keep him from saying anything further.  “It’s not your fault.  I knew it was a risk trying to wake you.  You were having a nightmare.”

“But I--”

“I’m not hurt,” Nat interrupted him again, moving to stand up beside him.  “Just had the wind knocked out of me for a moment.  I promise, I’m not hurt.”

Even as she said this, Nat could see the self-hatred in his eyes.  Reaching for him, her fingers gently brushed the bare skin of his flesh and blood shoulder.  An old, familiar wave of attraction flowed through her body upon the contact.  Flinching as if he was burned, James pulled away from the touch, his expression torn.  Nat opened her mouth to speak, to try and calm him down, but she never got the chance.  Behind them, she heard the front door of the safe house open.

“Shhh, shh,” Clint’s voice chided someone beside him, followed by a soft, feminine giggle.  “I said shh!  Nat’ll hear us, and she’s grumpy when she first wakes up!”

Nat huffed at this, rolling her eyes a little.  Two days since she and James had arrived at the safe house, and Clint had brought some woman here.  She was definitely going to be having some words with him about the matter.  Turning to James, Nat gave him a slightly apologetic smile and shook her head.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to go clip a bird’s wings,” she murmured.  “We aren’t done here, yet, though.”

James nodded weakly at this, his eyes flicking towards the door to the hallway.  Sighing to herself, Nat moved out into the hall, crossing her arms.  If she were wearing anything other than an oversized t-shirt that read in brightly colored letters to _Don’t Kiss Me, I’m Russian_ and a pair of running shorts, she’d probably manage to be a very intimidating figure.  As it was, she looked almost laughable.  What she found herself face-to-face with, on the other hand, was not quite so entertaining to her.

Looking like a pair of guilty teenagers who’d been discovered by their mother coming in after curfew, were Clint Barton and Bobbi Morse.  That in and of itself wasn’t so troubling.  The fact that they were holding hands and both had some rather impressive hickeys all along their throats, on the other hand, was.  Not only did they look as though they’d been doing nothing but making out from Moscow to Kiev, but they also were both wearing wedding rings.   _Matching_ wedding rings.

 _What in the hell_ , Nat thought to herself as she felt the beginnings of a headache building up inside her right temple.  Reaching up to press her fingers to her temple in an attempt to keep the headache from spreading, she closed her eyes tightly.  She really didn’t want to begin to understand what was happening, but she was certain she was going to have to understand.

“Clinton Barton,” Nat said slowly, enunciating each word carefully.  “You have precisely two seconds to begin explaining to me what the fuck is going on here before I shoot you in the foot.”

A look that was almost murderous crossed Bobbi’s face for a brief moment.  Clint seemed to notice this and hastily reached over to wrap an arm around the blonde’s shoulders, murmuring soothingly to her.

“It’s okay. She’s just her usual pre-coffee self,” he said quietly to Bobbi.  “I’ll take care of this. You go ahead and wait upstairs, little bird.”

“Are you sure, Clint?” Bobbi asked, gently squeezing Clint’s hand.  “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

“I’m sure.  Go on upstairs.  I’ll be fine.”

Nat stared in shock as Bobbi not only _listened_ to Clint, but also gave him a very heated kiss before obeying his instructions.  As she watched the blonde walk away, Nat’s jaw dropped open in mute confusion.  Clint watched Bobbi go as well, his expression one of absolute adoration and undiluted lust.  When he turned to look at Nat, he carefully schooled his features so that he looked a little less horny.  Barely.

“What in the hell is going on, Clint?” Nat demanded.  “Why are you making out with a woman we were just fighting in Moscow three days ago?  Why do you have a wedding ring on?  Why the hell did it take you three days to get here from Moscow?!”

“Uh,” Clint said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.  “Well, in answer to your first three questions… I kinda got married to Bobbi two days ago.”

For a moment, Nat couldn’t quite process what she had just heard.  It was as though her brain had gone back to being incapable of understanding English as a second language.  Shaking her head slowly to clear it, she pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment.

“I swear to God, tell me I did not just hear you say those words, Clint,” she muttered under her breath.  “Because this is completely insane.”

“Well not completely insane, Tash,” Clint pointed out weakly.  “Lot’s of people get married really suddenly.”

“Yeah. When they’re drunk in _Las Vegas_ , Clint!” Nat retorted sharply.  “You’re a full-grown man, not some spring breaking college student who had one too many drinks and decided to marry the hooker he hired to give him a blow job in the elevator!  Also, if I recall correctly, I left you to fight Bobbi, not marry her!”

“Yeah, about that,” Clint said slowly.  “So turns out that you were kinda jumping to conclusions about why she was in Moscow.”

Nat arched an eyebrow at her friend, giving him a cold look.  “Explain yourself.”

Clint nodded and motioned for Nat to follow him into the living room area of the house.  Once they were there, he pulled her to the ratty couch and took a seat.  Nat joined him slowly, her expression still cold.  Noticing his friend’s great disapproval, Clint shifted nervously before he began to speak.

“Bobbi says she was sent by Fury to recruit the Winter Soldier,” he said slowly.  “She’s not HYDRA or anything like that.  Promise.  She even helped me to stop some HYDRA agents who came across us in Moscow after you and your boyfriend left!”

Nat wasn’t entirely sure if she believed Clint’s lovesick claim that Bobbi wasn’t HYDRA.  After all, she’d known Clint for years.  And he was very easy to manipulate when he was in the middle of falling in love.  Nat knew that better than anyone, since she herself had done that to him over twenty years ago.  If Bobbi was really HYDRA, she could have easily claimed otherwise and seduced Clint to make it harder for him to think ill of her.  It was what Nat herself would do.  However, hearing that Bobbi had helped to stop some HYDRA agents did make her pause to consider the situation carefully.

“And you’re sure she’s not HYDRA?” she pressed.  “Did she give you any proof of this?”

There was a brief flash of anger in Clint’s eyes at the idea that his new bride would have to prove herself to Nat.  Thankfully, the anger passed as he seemed to remember just what had happened within their home of S.H.I.E.L.D. less than two weeks ago.

“Do you need proof?” Clint asked quietly.  “God, Nat.  She’s incredible.  I don’t know anyone like her, and I trust her.”

“Clint,” Nat said gently.  “You barely _know_ her.  You met her three days ago.  Of course I need proof.”

Once more, hurt and anger showed up in Clint’s eyes before he nodded meekly.  He may not like what Nat was saying, but he couldn’t say that she was entirely wrong.  After all, he hadn’t been the one who had to take down corruption within S.H.I.E.L.D. that had gone all the way to the top.  Curling up a little on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest like a small child, Clint glanced at the stairs towards where his new bride was no doubt waiting.  Then he started talking in a low, calm voice.

“She did give me proof, Nat,” he said softly.  “She and I had to fight off some HYDRA agents who had come for us.  She could have turned me in, but she didn’t.  Not only that, but she called it in to Fury himself.  Doesn’t that mean something to you?”

It honestly did.  While Nat might not always agree with the one-eyed man’s methods, she certainly trusted him.  He had done what no one but Clint had been willing to do; trust her to make a herself a better person.  Just that alone was enough to give him plenty of leeway in Nat’s book.  However, sending Bobbi Morse after James without fair warning of why?  That was just irritating.

“Did you actually _hear_ or speak with Fury?” Nat pressed.

“Yes, Nat,” Clint said in exasperation.  “I did actually speak to Fury himself.  He was mighty pissed off that you tried to beat up on Bobbi.”

“Well I’m not entirely happy with your blushing bride myself, Barton,” Nat pointed out sourly.  “No identifying herself, no nothing.  Not exactly professional of her.”

“Yeah,” Clint admitted.  “She could’ve handled that a little bit better, I admit.  But she fights really good!”

“Well, Barton,” Nat corrected out of habit.  “She fights really well.”

“Whatever. She does,” Clint insisted.  “She’s…God, Nat! She’s amazing.”

Nat’s eyebrows rose up sharply as she listened to Clint’s ramblings.  Whatever had happened between Clint and Bobbi, it had happened fast, and the archer was clearly infatuated.  This was going to be an interesting day.

“Stop mooning over her, Barton,” Nat sighed, rolling her eyes.  “And bring your blushing bride down to properly introduce her to me.”

Clint shook his head as if clearing his mind and grinned.  Nodding his understanding, he moved up the stairs hastily and went to talk to his new wife.  

 _His wife_ , Nat thought with a groan of frustration.  Already, she could feel the headache from before returning with backup.  The pain was not only in her right temple, but now in the left as well.  Her shoulders had grown tense as well, which probably had something to do with the growing headache.  Rubbing at the back of her neck in an attempt to loosen the muscles there, Nat looked up at the ceiling and muttered under her breath.

“Give me the strength not to kill my best friend,” she sighed.

Only a few moments later, Clint returned with the new Mrs. Barton in tow.  Nat looked Bobbi over, her eyes taking in everything.  The blonde was disheveled, but grinning broadly.  Several hickeys, which Nat had noticed earlier, were already beginning to turn the slightly green-yellow of fading bruises.  Her tac suit, an unusual blend of deep blue and white, looked a little the worse for wear.  Not only that, but she had a split lip, a swollen eye, and several of her fingers were stiff, as though they’d been dislocated and then reset hastily.  Now that she was looking, Nat noticed similar injuries on Clint’s body.  He favored his left wrist a little, too, which made Nat wonder if he’d broken something.  But she pushed that aside for a moment.

“So you’re now Mrs. Barton,” Nat said slowly, nodding to Bobbi.  “I suppose congratulations are in order.”

Bobbi laughed breathlessly, her eyes shining with pure affection as she looked at Clint.  “Yeah, I guess I am.  Really wasn’t anticipating that turn of events.”

“That makes two of us,” Nat drawled.  “I expected Clint to come back with a few bruises and scrapes.  Not with a bride.”

The blonde woman had the good sense to look somewhat sheepish at this.  Smiling weakly at Nat, Bobbi shrugged helplessly.  “That was kind of sudden, yeah,” she said.  “But…are we good now?”

“That depends,” Nat replied.  “I need to clear this with Fury for myself before I decide to trust you.  You understand.”

Bobbi nodded.  “With all that’s happened, I’d be worried if you just took Clint’s word on who I work for.”

Nat arched an eyebrow at this.  She had expected a little more of a fight from Bobbi.  The fact that she wasn’t fighting her on this only made Nat more inclined to think positively towards Bobbi Morse.  No, she corrected herself.  Bobbi Barton.  

“Do you have his contact information readily available?” Nat asked.  “He failed to give me a forwarding address or a phone number before he disappeared off the face of the Earth.”

A sarcastic smile crossed Bobbi’s lips as she nodded.  “Here,” she said, holding out a burner cell for Nat.  “It’s speed dial number one.”

Taking the cell, Nat moved out of the room before she selected the number one.  Behind her, she could hear Bobbi and Clint whispering conspiratorially, and in the other room James was pacing.  Sighing to herself as she listened to the phone ring, Nat wrapped one arm around her waist and closed her eyes.  Was there no end to the insanity that was her life these days?

“Morse, this better be damn important for you to be calling me twice in three days,” the familiar voice of Fury growled into the phone after the third ring.

“Not quite, Nick,” Nat greeted.  “So Bobbi _is_ working for you now, hmm?”

“Jesus H. Christ, Natasha,” Fury sighed, his voice suddenly sounding very tired.  “Yeah, Morse is one of mine these days.  What’d she do to get you on her bad side?”

“She came after me and an asset without announcing her intentions.  You really should remind your agents about professional courtesy, Nick.  I almost shot her.”

“Oh, so you’re the nutjob who was hanging out with the Winter Soldier when Bobbi and Barton got jumped,” Nick said slowly.  “That explains a lot.”

“Does it really?” Nat asked bitterly.  “Why didn’t you come to me about recruiting him?  You knew I had at least a working knowledge of his past.”

“A hypothetical working knowledge based on your years as a freelancer and a freak shot in Odessa, Romanoff,” Fury pointed out.  “I’m not exactly about to put all my eggs in one basket and have only one agent doing the recruitment work.  Besides, you said you’d only ever seen him in Odessa.”  The question in his words wasn’t given voice, but it was still clear to Nat. _Were you lying about how much you know?_

“I may have…omitted certain facts,” she admitted grudgingly.

“You may have, hmm?  How high of a likelihood is it that you ‘omitted certain facts’, Romanoff? And don’t give me some bullshit answer like ‘twelve percent’, or I swear to God I’ll find a way to put my boot up your ass.”

Nat couldn’t help a fond smile at that particular image.  Nick Fury had always been a character, and she’d never come to regret working for him.  “Well,” she said slowly.  “You know that I’m former KGB.”

“Everybody and their mother in S.H.I.E.L.D. knew that, Tash,” Fury said, his voice growing a little gentler.  “It wasn’t exactly a secret.”

“Except that you and I both know that my supposed birth date doesn’t correspond with me being old enough to work for the KGB,” Nat retorted.  “The KGB was long gone by the time I would have been old enough to join it, if I was really born in 1984.”

“I kinda figured that was bullshit, yeah.”

Nat sighed heavily, rubbing at her forehead.  “Damnit.  Nick, you should meet us.  I can’t share all of this over the phone, even if it is a secure burner.”

There was silence from Fury’s end of the call for several moments.  Finally, he made an affirmative noise.  “Where you guys at anyway? Morse mentioned she ran into you in Moscow, but I doubt you stuck around there.”

“Kiev.  The unlisted safe house.”

“Gimme about forty-eight hours, then.”

“I will,” Nat said quietly.  “Hurry, Nick.”

Fury didn’t choose to respond to this.  Instead, he simply hung up the phone.  Nat did the same, pressing her knuckles to her lips thoughtfully.  Behind her, she heard the slight creak of footsteps in James’ room as he moved towards the door.  She turned to face him as he stepped out of the bedroom, his expression distant.  He’d pulled on an old shirt, she noticed idly.

“You were talking to Nick Fury,” he said slowly.  “I thought I killed him.”

“That was his intention,” Nat shrugged.  “You aren’t exactly the first person to try and kill him in his lifetime.”

He nodded stiffly.  “He’s going to be coming here.  Why?”

Nat took a steadying breath and reached out to touch James’ arm, her fingers clasping at the metal wrist as if that would ground her in the moment.  He didn’t make a move to pull away from her, but there was a wariness and lack of trust in his eyes that made her heart break to see.

“Because he’s my friend,” Nat sighed.  “And he has resources to help you that no one else has.”

“Even after the fall of his entire organization?” James challenged.

“Even then,” Nat insisted.  “James, I can’t help you unless I have resources, and Nick Fury has those resources.”

The wariness was still in his eyes, but the lack of trust was starting to fade.  Slowly, he reached out for her with his flesh and blood hand, his knuckles brushing against her forehead and temple as he pushed her hair away from her face.  He hesitated as he once more took in the sight of her with blonde hair, his brow furrowing slightly.

“You look better as a redhead,” he murmured quietly.  “That’s how I—How I remember you.”

Nat almost stopped breathing the moment he touched her skin.  But his words were what really stole her breath away.  He was starting to remember her, and a part of her soul celebrated this realization.  Not wanting to make him feel awkward, she smiled softly, letting him continue to touch her while making no move to return the gesture.

The moment had no chance of lasting, though.  Only a few seconds later, she heard a loud _a-HEM_ behind them and closed her eyes with a mental curse as the spell of the moment was broken.  James’ hand dropped hastily away from her hair, his eyes full of a sheepish embarrassment.  Turning to look at Clint and Bobbi, Nat narrowed her eyes dangerously at her friend and his new wife.

“So Bobbi’s in the clear now?” Clint pressed, ignoring the glare Nat was giving him.

“She is,” Nat agreed, holding out the cell phone to Bobbi.  “You understand my need to be sure, though.”

“Oh, I do,” Bobbi nodded.  “But I hope that we can move past that?”

“Who is this?” James asked, his eyes intent on Bobbi.

“This is my wife,” Clint said proudly.

Nat was really starting to get annoyed by the sappy expression on Clint’s face.  She kind of wanted to slap it off of him.  Which was a ridiculous desire, honestly.  Clint wasn’t hers anymore; hadn’t been for decades.  She couldn’t possibly be jealous of his new wife.  And yet, there was that roiling feeling in the pit of her stomach that made her want to just strangle Bobbi Morse and tear out Clint’s hair.  She was familiar with the feeling of jealousy; she just had no idea why she was feeling it now.

“I…didn’t realize you were married,” James said carefully.

“We just got married! Two days ago!” Clint said.

Nat could practically _see_ the wheels turning in James’ mind as he took in this new information.  Then, he nodded carefully.  “Con…gratulations, I suppose,” he said slowly.  “Right?”

“Yup!” Clint beamed.

Nat groaned and pinched at the bridge of her nose.  The headache was getting worse, she noticed.  This was really going to be a long forty-eight hours as they all waited on Fury’s arrival.  

“Why don’t you two go and get showered.  Separately,” Nat added pointedly  “You’ve been on the road for about three days, after all.”

“You’re no fun, Tash,” Clint pouted.  “We haven’t even had our wedding night yet!”

Nat pointedly eyed the hickeys on both Clint and Bobbi’s throats.  “Really?” she asked, her sarcasm almost biting.  “Because you look like two teens who got to third base in the backseat of a car.”

Clint actually blushed at this, grinning sheepishly over at his new wife.  As his eyes moved over the bruises his lips had left on her skin, his eyes grew dark with lust.  Nat cleared her throat loudly when she noticed this.  This made Clint become aware of his surroundings again, and he blushed again.

“Yeah, we’ll be discreet, Nat.”

That made Nat arch her eyebrows high, her expression blank.  “You do that.”

Either Clint didn’t notice the tone in Nat’s voice or, more likely, he was far too distracted by his blushing bride to care.  “You’re the best!” he crowed, grabbing Bobbi’s hand and tugging her upstairs.  

Setting her jaw, Nat turned away from James so he couldn’t see her expression.  Now she knew why she was jealous.  Clint had someone who he could make love to, hold as he slept, and admire without fearing that that person had no memory of him.  Seeing Clint so happy, while she herself had to watch the man she love suffer and not remember her was infuriating.  Rubbing at her forehead, Nat closed her eyes tightly against the sting of tears.

The next two days were really going to suck.

****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Bobbi being brought into the story was a bit of a last-second thing for me. Now, since this story is set mostly in the MCU verse (minus the obvious bits of Nat and Bucky's past), I know some people will be wondering "Is this Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Bobbi or Comic Bobbi?" The answer to that is...neither. This version of Bobbi is my own mashup of what I know from the comics (which is not much), and from the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. show. 
> 
> Another question is probably, what about Clint's deafness? Well, that will be addressed later!


	8. Chapter 8

That night, Nat couldn’t sleep.  She stared up at the ceiling of her room, waiting for the inevitable sounds of Clint consummating his marriage with Bobbi Morse.  She’d seen the way those two were eye-fucking one another.  It was just a matter of time before they started to make out.  Then they would be making every floorboard in the whole house groan with protest.  Closing her eyes in frustration, Nat waited for the noise to begin.  

To her great surprise, it never did.  Sitting up slightly as she realized what she was hearing--or, more accurately, not hearing--Nat made her way to the door of her bedroom.  Leaning her head out into the hall, she was surprised to see the light to the kitchen was on.  That was not what Nat had anticipated.  Glancing towards James’ room, she noted that his door was shut tightly.  It was unlikely that he would be the one in the kitchen.

Moving towards the kitchen, she froze when she saw Bobbi Morse—Barton, she corrected herself—sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea.  The blonde looked up when she heard someone drawing close.  A smile crossed her lips and she nodded at Nat.

“Would you like some tea?” she asked, holding up her mug in demonstration.  “I just made it up.”

“Oh, I--” Nat stammered a little in surprise.  “I…yes, please.”

Bobbi nodded her understanding and smiled, standing up to go to the stove where the teakettle was.  After pouring a mug full of hot water and putting in a tea bag, Bobbi brought it over to Nat.

“It’s nothing special,” she said with a shrug.  “I just found some old tea bags and decided to whip some up.”

Nat nodded her thanks as she took the mug.  “I would have thought that you’d be trying to seduce your new husband,” she commented, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Bobbi frowned a little at this before she seemed to understand at least part of why Nat was so frustrated.  “Ah, well,” she said slowly with a slight smile.  “That’s not entirely accurate right now.”

A look of surprise crossed Nat’s face before she managed to control her expression.  Looking down at her mug of tea, Nat chewed on her lip for a moment.  “I’m not sure I understand, honestly.  You two seem rather…infatuated.”

“That’s a word for it, yeah,” Bobbi laughed, sipping at her tea.  “We’re smitten, I’ll admit.  But that’s beside the point.”

“I’m still not getting it,” Nat said quietly.  “I’ve known Clint for a very long time, and I’m stunned that you aren’t jumping him right now.”

A hot blush crossed over Bobbi’s cheeks as she considered this.  Smiling wryly, she shrugged helplessly.  “Yeah, about that,” she said quietly.  “Clint told me some of what he knows about you and…erm…your other houseguest.”

Nat stiffened as she heard this, her fingers tightening around the mug in her hands.  Looking down at her tea, she took a deep breath.  “Ah.  And by ‘some’, what do you mean?”

“That you and he were…previously involved.”

“Did Fury teach you to be this diplomatic?” Nat asked with a wry smile.  “Because I always thought people that worked with him were as blunt as he is.”

Bobbi chuckled softly.  “No, I’m a special case,” she replied with a wry smile.  “But yeah.  Clint told me about your past with the Winter Soldier.  And it’s clear you still have feelings for him.”

“I’m that transparent?” Nat asked bitterly.

“No,” Bobbi assured her.  “I’m just really good at reading people.”  She smiled slightly and shrugged before continuing.  “And so I told him that if you couldn’t have sex, he couldn’t have sex.”

That did startle Nat.  Blinking in shock, she looked up at Bobbi, trying to fully grasp what had just been said.  “You’re…denying him sex because I can’t get any?” she asked weakly.

“Well yeah,” Bobbi said with a shrug.  “It’s your safe house. I’m not going to be a rude guest and let Clint have his wicked way with me when you can’t have sex.”

“…Why?” Nat asked quietly.  “I mean if you know anything about me, you know I used to sleep with Clint.  And I can tell you that you are missing an opportunity.”

“Oh, I know about you and Clint.  He was very forthcoming about his past sexual partners,” Bobbi laughed.  “So I am well aware of your past.”

“What I don’t think you’re aware of is just how much I taught him,” Nat replied with a wry smile.  “When I met that boy, he was practically a virgin.”

Bobbi’s eyes grew wide in shock as she took this new information in.  “Wait a second,” she said slowly.  “So all that kissing he does…?”

Nat nodded slowly, grinning into her tea.  “I taught him those techniques.”

“Oh my God, you are my new best friend,” Bobbi exclaimed.  “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how good of a kisser he is!”

Laughing quietly, Nat shook her head in amusement.  “You’re welcome in advance, Bobbi.  But I do want one thing to be clear,” she added, her expression becoming serious.  “Clint is still very dear to me, regardless of our romantic entanglement or lack thereof.  If you ever hurt him, I have dual citizenship in Russia and America and I know a ton of places to hide your body.”

For a brief moment, Bobbi looked like she might argue with Nat on this.  But after a moment, she sighed and nodded her understanding.  “I can understand that,” she admitted.  “I mean, I’ve only known him for a few days—as you’ve made infinitely clear to me—and I gotta say…He’s the best part of my life already.”

Nat gave the blonde woman an arch look, her expression unreadable.  She knew that Bobbi was infatuated with Clint—might even be in love with him—but Nat also knew that it would be some time before she trusted the depth of Bobbi’s feelings for herself.  So long as Bobbi could understand and appreciate that, they wouldn’t have any problems.

“Just so long as you understand that,” Nat said slowly.  “Because he is important to me.”

“I know he is,” Bobbi sighed.  “Trust me, I am well aware.  He made it very clear that he feels the same for you.”

That didn’t surprise Nat in the slightest.  She had known Clint for what was nearly thirty years now.  After all, the only reason that they hadn’t become involved again when Nat joined S.H.I.E.L.D. was because they had become such different people from the last time they were involved.  But even with the changes between them, there could be no changing the deep emotional connection they both had with one another.

~~~~

_Nat had not anticipated how well she would assimilate to the lifestyle of S.H.I.E.L.D. after Clint Barton—sweet, innocent, former-lover Clint Barton—had offered her a second chance.  She could still hear his words as he tried to get her to come to the light._

_“Tasha, you know what we used to have,” he had said, his pale eyes so earnest and full of yearning.  “What you used to be to me.  I don’t want to be the one to execute the kill order on you.  Please… Just give S.H.I.E.L.D. a chance.  They gave me one.”_

_It hadn’t been the most eloquent of speeches, but it had certainly been heartfelt.  Nat had agreed that she would give the agency a trial run.  And if she should change her mind, she would leave the decision for what to be done with her in the hands of the leaders of S.H.I.E.L.D., rather than force Clint to have to choose between her and his new work._

_Now, nearly a year later, she was finally starting to settle into the lifestyle of S.H.I.E.L.D. and had even begun to establish working relationships—if not friendships—with several of the other agents.  Her dearest friendship, that she was actually aware of it being a friendship, was with Clint.  They had been assigned to work almost exclusively with one another, and it had provided Nat with the sort of routine she had needed._

_The only problem with it was that there was still the matter of Clint’s feelings for her.  Nat had no idea how to categorize her own feelings for the archer.  That she valued him was clear to her, but she couldn’t begin to explain anything else about the feelings that plagued her whenever she saw Clint.  What she did know was that he still loved her.  Or, at least, he thought he did.  Nat wasn’t entirely certain that what he felt for her was love.  What she did know was that whatever emotions they shared, they were nothing but a candle to the flame she had once known._

_It all came to a head after Budapest._

_Nat had nearly died several times in her life.  It was an occupational hazard, when one was an internationally feared and hated assassin.  But it was one thing to have only your own life on the line, and something entirely different to have to worry about the wellbeing of someone else as well._

_Budapest had been a simple enough mission.  On paper, at least.  In actual fact, it had been a hell on earth that Nat never wanted to revisit ever again.  All they had been sent there to do was gather intel on a growing organization that rumors said was fast becoming the new face of terror in the West.  No one knew that much about it, beyond the fact that they were—supposedly—experimenting on unwilling homeless people from various Eastern European cities to ensure no one could trace the kidnappings back to them.  Clint and Nat had been assigned to try and learn what they could about this mysterious group.  Fairly straightforward._

_Then all hell had broken loose.  Nat had been blown up and Clint had lost most of his arrows in a crazed leap from the top of a building in an attempt to get himself far away from the scientists trying to shoot him._

_“What kind of scientists use fucking RPGs?!”Clint shouted over the comm.  “I thought this was gonna be a simple mission!”_

_Nat shook her head, trying to get rid of the ringing in her ears from the explosion that had thrown her over three cars and into a dumpster.  Sitting up slowly, she reached up and pressed a hand to the throbbing in her right temple.  When she pulled her hand away, it was sticky with her own blood.  That was just fucking beautiful._

_“Apparently they aren’t of the ‘do no harm’ variety,” Nat drawled.  “Get low, Clint.  We don’t have an extraction plan, so we need to figure out how the hell to get out of here.”_

_“Gotcha, Nat.”_

_There was no more time for talking over the comms.  After shaking her head again to clear it of the dull ringing, Nat pulled out both her handguns and started opening fire on the men trying to get at her.  Were some of them…glowing?  That couldn’t be right.  She must have a concussion._

_Bullets screamed through the air and ripped through human flesh as Nat moved calmly towards the men in front of her.  She noted, with some irony, that there was only one woman in the entire group that was attacking her and Clint.  Were these people just utter sexists, or had all the females in the group gotten out of the way to preserve data?  Either way, Nat found the fact that six men were ganging up on her something close to hilarious._

_She must have started laughing, because the remaining four men looked at her like she was insane.  Another two bullets found their marks before her clips were empty.  Tilting her guns expertly, she ejected the empty clips before bringing them down onto the spares she kept in an accessible spot on her thighs.  All of this was done in the space of, perhaps, five seconds.  In that time, none of the scientists had been able to hit her._

_“Nat,” Clint’s voice was ragged with pain.  “Help…”_

_The last two scientists fell to the ground as she shot twice more, her expression cold and distant.  “On my way, Clint,” she informed her partner._

_Finding Clint was not so hard as one would have anticipated.  After all, he had just leapt off of a goddamn skyscraper.  Moving quickly through the city, Nat found him in a dumpster, not too unlike the one she had just vacated.  Leaning against the edge of the dumpster, Nat sighed heavily as she took in Clint’s appearance._

_“You look like shit, Barton,” she said with a wry smile._

_And he really did.  There was even blood coming from his right ear.  That was more than a little bit horrifying for Nat.  She’d never seen Clint with blood coming from an ear, no matter how badly he was injured._

_“We need to get to S.H.I.E.L.D. and get you looked at,” Nat murmured._

~~~~

 _Several hours later, at the S.H.I.E.L.D. office in Hungary, Nat couldn’t help but continue to worry about Clint.  He’d been in Medical for what felt like an eternity.  She’d never seen him be in Medical_ willingly _for so long at all._

_When he finally came out, there was a bandage around his head.  But Nat didn’t have the time to ask him how he was feeling.  The moment he saw her waiting for him in the suite that they shared as members of Strike Team Delta, he made a beeline for her.  Before she could open her mouth to say anything, Clint’s lips were pressed against hers as though he needed her to be the one giving him oxygen._

_“Clint,” Nat whispered when he pulled away slightly for air.  “What are you doing?”_

_His mouth moved along her throat, and his hands were pressed against the small of her back.  If she was really careful, she couldn’t quite feel the bandage that was wrapped around his head.  But, naturally, she couldn’t forget it.  He’d just been seriously injured today.  Of course she couldn’t forget that._

_“Need you,” Clint breathed, pressing his lips firmly against her throat._

_“Wait, wait,” Nat murmured, pushing against Clint’s chest softly.  “Stop, Clint.”_

_A look of pure frustration crossed Clint’s face as he pulled back to meet her gaze.  “Why?” he asked quietly.  “I need you, Nat.  Always have.”_

_“No, no,” Nat sighed heavily.  “Clint, no.”  Pulling away from him, she sighed again and moved to sit down on the couch.  “Clint, I can’t do this to you again.”_

_“What the hell do you mean, Nat?” he retorted sharply.  “You aren’t the one doing anything to me! I made a choice this time!”_

_“Just like you made a choice last time?” Nat asked with a heavy sigh.  “Clint, you and I both know that we weren’t very healthy before.  And that’s being_ diplomatic _about what we were!  We were not good for one another, and we aren’t good for one another now.”_

_Clint frowned at this.  Sitting down beside her, he hugged his knees to his chest.  That, combined with the bandage on his head, made him look even more vulnerable than ever.  “But...I need to feel good,” he whispered._

_“Clint,” Nat sighed softly, reaching over and resting a hand on his knee softly.  “Clint, darling boy.  I will always value you as a friend.  But you, my little archer, are not at all meant for me.  Just like I’m not meant for you.  We never were meant for one another.  All I ever did was use you for sex.”_

_“But--”_

_“No, Clint,” she said firmly.  “Just no.  I can’t give you what you think you need, or even what you want right now, because it’s not good for you.”_

~~~~

Nat smiled wryly at Bobbi.  “I kind of had to forcibly cut him off.”

“I’m glad you did,” Bobbi admitted with a wry smile.  “Because otherwise he wouldn’t be here with me.”

Nat nodded slowly.  Listening to the way Bobbi spoke about Clint, she could almost believe that these two would make it in the end.  But Nat didn’t exactly have a good history with “happily ever afters” in her life.  As much as she hoped that Clint would finally be happy, she didn’t really believe it could happen.

“Let’s just hope he survives the next two days,” Nat said, rather than focusing on the fears she had for her friend.  “Because otherwise he’s going to kill me for denying him sex.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. For those who may not know what I was hinting out, my version of Budapest includes a battle against MCU A.I.M., back in the days before it was actually KNOWN that they were evil.
> 
> Also, part 1 of how Clint lost his hearing!


	9. Chapter 9

By the time Fury arrived, Nat was certain that Clint was going to be ready to kill her.  After she had managed to have a nice chat with Bobbi during the first night of Clint and his bride’s stay, Nat was very certain she was the archer’s least favorite person alive.

“I still can’t believe you’re denying him sex!” Nat whispered to Bobbi as they moved through the local market for the groceries they seriously needed.  “He’s been looking at me like I’m the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“You understand Wizard of Oz references?” Bobbi asked with a grin.  “Really?”

“I was born in 1928, Bobbi,” Nat laughed, shaking her head at her.  “I’m not exactly a spring chicken, as you American’s say.”

Bobbi snorted in a very irreverent manner as she inspected a couple of oranges for them to take home.  “That’s funny.  Your files all say you’re, at most, only thirty,” she pointed out.

“Files can be manipulated,” Nat shrugged.  “I was in the KGB, after all.  If I’m only thirty, then I wouldn’t have been able to even work in that group.”

The blonde nodded slowly, taking all of this in.  “I suppose you’re right,” she admitted.  “I never really considered that.”

Nat smiled wryly as they continued their shopping.  When they moved to check out, she sighed and glanced over at Bobbi.  “How’s your Ukrainian?” she asked weakly.

“…Really rusty,” Bobbi admitted.  “Why?”

“Because the moment they hear me use my Russian-accented Ukrainian, they’ll probably deny us service,” Nat sighed.  “You have been watching the news, I assume?”

“Ah, yeah, that,” Bobbi said slowly.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

Nat watched and waited as Bobbi moved forward to speak to the grocer.  Thankfully, there was no need for Nat to step in and translate, nor was there any sign that the Ukrainians had realized that Nat was Russian.  Once they had paid for their food, Nat and Bobbi made their way to the car.

“Once again,” Nat said with a laugh.  “I can’t really believe that you’re still not having sex!  I’ve been with Clint, after all.”

“Oh, no, I know,” Bobbi laughed weakly.  “Believe me, he tried to seduce me that first night.  So I told him that we’d wait.  Then I almost caved, and had him in the backseat of the car!  But _then_ he said he at least wanted our first time to be really special.”

“He’s really precious that way,” Nat agreed.  “Our first time was…really interesting for us both.”

“Interesting…how?” Bobbi asked.  “I mean, you told me that you taught him all he knows.”

“Yeah, I did,” Nat laughed.  “I wasn’t exactly his first lover, but I certainly was one of the early ones.”

“Oh my.”

“Something like that,” Nat grinned.  “But I did try to teach him well.  Our first time, he was fumbling and adorable.  Then he got more confident the more I taught him about what to do.”

“I’m actually trying to imagine that,” Bobbi admitted.  “And it’s very cute, honestly.”

“Oh yeah.  It really was, trust me.”

They finished loading up the car and then made their way to the safe house.  It had been nearly the full forty-eight hours that Fury had given them before he would arrive.  Nat was honestly relieved to think of that.  With Fury here, they could begin to actually make some headway towards helping James.

“You look distracted,” Bobbi commented.  “What is it?”

“James,” Nat sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair.

“Ah, yeah.  That would probably do it.”

There was a long pause as they both tried to consider everything ahead of them.  Bobbi glanced over at Nat after a moment and frowned to herself.  Nat caught this out of the corner of her eye, rubbing her jaw lightly.

“What are you thinking of?” Nat asked quietly.  “Anything useful?”

“It might be,” Bobbi murmured.  “But I’ll have to talk to James himself, honestly.  Figure out some of the shit that was done to him, and maybe I can reverse it.”

Nat froze in place as she heard this.  “I—Oh,” she murmured.  “Do you really think that it would be possible to reverse what happened to him?”

“It really depends on what exactly was done to him, but it could happen,” Bobbi admitted.  “I mean, for all we know, it was entirely chemically based, and that is my background.”

“I do remember that, yes,” Nat shrugged.  “But how would that effect anything?”

“If chemicals were used, then I can find the methods to counter what was done to him,” Bobbi explained.  “There’s always a counter.”

“Always?”

 _“Well…nearly_ always.”

“...Well that just fills me with great confidence,” Nat sighed heavily.

~~~~

At the safe house, Nat found herself pleasantly surprised.  Clint and James were sitting together on the couch.  They were even _talking_ together.  Glancing over at Bobbi, Nat smiled wryly as she moved towards the two most important men in her life.

“Please tell me that the two of you aren’t plotting a murder, or I may have to separate you for the foreseeable future,” she teased, playfully ruffling at Clint’s hair.

“Now why on earth would you just assume the worst of me like that, Tash?” Clint asked, grinning up at her.  But then his eyes were only for Bobbi as he moved to hug his wife close against his chest.  “Hey, gorgeous,” he murmured into her hair.

“They’re kind of cute,” James commented, nodding at Clint and his bride.  “In...a way that makes me want to gouge out my own eyes so I don’t have to look at said cute anymore.”

“You can shove it, buddy,” Clint called out from where he was currently cuddling up to his wife.

Nat managed a wry smile.  Watching Clint and Bobbi together, it was enough to fill her with a great sense of nostalgia and, she had to admit, bitterness.  Once, she had seen that same kind of adoration that Clint leveled at Bobbi in the eyes of the man she herself loved.  But now she had to deal with the potential that she may never have that kind of adoration in her life.  Slowly running a hand through her hair, she considered James for a moment before she moved to start putting the food away.

“Nat? You okay?” Clint asked gently.

“Hmm?” Nat turned to look over at the other three people in the safe house, smiling weakly at Clint.  “It’s okay, really.”

An awkward silence filled the room.  Nat closed her eyes as she sensed it, moving hastily to finish putting all of the groceries away.  As she finished, she was startled to find James’ metal hand pressed against the cabinet immediately to the left of her head.  Blinking in surprise at this, Nat turned slightly to face James, biting her lip.

“You don’t look okay,” he murmured.  “Are you sure that you’re all right?”

“I...I’m fine,” Nat tried to assure him.

“And I think you and I need to be...not here, little bird,” Clint said hastily to Bobbi.

“I...Uh…” Nat muttered, glancing over at Clint and Bobbi.  “...Don’t leave me?”

“Nope. Totally not staying here for this,” Clint called over his shoulder, pulling Bobbi along behind him.  

“Oh, you--Coward,” Nat grumbled quietly.  Clint didn’t bother to respond, just continuing to drag his new bride along.  “Damn coward,” she sighed heavily.

“N-Natalia,” James said gently.

That was enough to make Nat turn to face him.  Looking up into James’ eyes, she bit her lip nervously.  His expression was gentle--almost tender--as he gently touched her cheek.  The feeling of skin on skin was almost like being shocked.  But it wasn’t a bad kind of shock, to say the least.

“Please...if you’re troubled by something…” he said quietly.

What could she honestly say to him?  That she was so troubled by his lack of memories?  That everything was falling apart for her just watching Clint and Bobbi be happy while she was still alone?  She couldn’t just admit that to him.

“It’s...me,” James sighed.  “Isn’t it?”

“No!  I-I didn’t say that!” Nat protested.

“But it is the truth, isn’t it?” he pressed.

“I…”

James sighed heavily, cupping his hands over Nat’s cheeks.  “Natalia,” he murmured.

Before Nat could really process what was going on, James leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips.  Gasping weakly in surprise, Nat closed her eyes before she buried a hand in his hair to deepen the kiss.  Suddenly, there was the feeling of a wall against her back, and she was moaning as his hand moved down to give her ass a squeeze.  It was just what Nat had been aching for.

That was when harsh reality hit her like a bucket of cold water.  Pushing at James’ chest, she made a weak sound of protest.

“No, not like this,” she whispered.

“Wh-what?”

After looking up into James’ eyes, Nat bit her lip and turned so that her back to him.  None of this was what she wanted.  Was it too much to ask that she be allowed to have at least some happiness?  Clearly the answer to that question, for now, was a resounding yes.

“I’m…sorry,” James murmured as Nat pulled away.  “I just—“

“No, no,” Nat interrupted hastily.  “It’s not you, I swear.  It—Well, part of it is you.  But that part isn’t because of you.”  She paused for a moment, looking up at James to see if that sentence was at all coherent to him.  “That…sounded so much more intelligent in my mind.”

“No, I…think I understand,” he said gently.  “You remember me, but I don’t remember you.”

“And I swear, I _do not_ hold that against you,” Nat assured him.  “I really don’t.  But I could never forgive myself if we did something like this before you really remembered who I was to you once.”

A sad look crossed James’ face as he nodded his understanding.  Reaching out slowly, he brushed her hair away from her face before dropping his hand down to his side.

“I understand,” he sighed.  “I’m sorry.”

Before Nat could stop him, he turned away from her and moved down the hall towards his bedroom.  Hot tears burned at her eyes as she watched him go, and Nat hastily reached up in an attempt to stem the flow of tears.  That was not quite as successful as she might have hoped, as the tears still came.  Sniffling weakly, she moved hastily to her own bedroom.  Closing the door, she rested her forehead against the wood of the frame, biting at her lip to try and stifle her sobs.

She hated herself for giving in for even that brief moment and responding to his kiss.  But more than that, she hated the people who had made him what he was now and stolen his memories.  Not just the memories of her, but of who he was at his very core.  Nat had always known that, deep down, the Winter Soldier was a good man.

~~~~

_Natalia sat down across from her lover, his hands held tightly in hers.  She was to be married to Alexei Shostakov within two days, and neither of them could do anything to stop it.  There was anger in the set of the Winter Soldier’s jaw, and Natalia wished that she could reach over and smooth that anger out of the tension in his muscles.  But she didn’t dare try to pull her hands free of his.  If she did, they might do something that the two of them would greatly regret._

“I don’t want this,” _she told him in quiet English._ “You know that, don’t you?”

_A bitter look crossed her lover’s face at this question, and he brought her hand up to his lips.  His lips were cool against the skin on her knuckles, but Natalia didn’t mind.  So long as she had his touch, she would be happy with what little time was left to them._

“I know that, little Natalia,” _he murmured in the English that was so much better suited to his voice than any other language._ “But I also know that what you want isn’t exactly high on the priorities of our superiors.”

_Sighing heavily, Natalia looked down at their linked fingers.  It was better to focus on that, rather than the rage and pain in her lover’s eyes.  If she had to look into his eyes again, she knew that she would foreswear all oaths she had made to the KGB and to Alexei Shostakov.  Doing that would not end well for either herself or the Winter Soldier, though, so she did all she could to keep herself from making that mistake._

“I wish--” _her lover started to say, his thumb gently running over the knuckles of her hand._

“You and I both know how little good it does us to wish,” _Natalia cut him off, giving his hand a firm squeeze._ “Whatever we might wish means nothing when we remember who we really are.”

“So wise already, Natalia,” _the Winter Soldier murmured, smiling softly at her._ “One day, you’ll be the head of the KGB.”

“I highly doubt that, _miliy moi,” Natalia smiled sadly, kissing the fingers of his metal hand._ “They’d not take kindly to a woman leading them.”

“More fools them,” _he retorted, brushing the knuckles of his flesh and blood hand against the curve of her cheek._ “You’re worth a dozen of all the agents of the KGB, my little spider.”

“You shouldn’t say such things,” _she whispered, closing her eyes and leaning into his gentle touch._ “They will punish you if they ever hear you--”

“Let them,” _he growled._ “I’ll fight any man who tries to take you from me.”

_Ice cold fear clutched at Natalia’s chest, its grip insistent and inescapable.  Such words were borderline treasonous and would doubtless get him killed if anyone were to ever hear him or learn that he had spoken so.  She had hoped so very much that he would feel for her half as deeply as she felt for him.  What she hadn’t anticipated was how utterly terrifying it was to realize that he not only felt for her, but he felt for her so much deeper than anything Natalia had ever experienced before._

“You can’t do that,” _she said softly._ “They would kill you, and I can’t watch you die.”

_Nothing else had seemed to get through to her lover, but those words seemed to.  Looking into Natalia’s eyes, the Winter Soldier’s rage eased somewhat when he saw the fear reflected in her expression.  Brushing his knuckles over her cheek again, he sighed heavily._

“And I can’t lose you, Natalia,” _he whispered fiercely._ “You have come to mean so much to me…”

“As you have come to mean so much to me,” _she told him._ “But I cannot watch you die, and I will not do it.”

_For a moment, Natalia was certain that he would argue with her.  He opened his mouth, as though he would say something, but then stopped himself.  For what felt like an eternity, she watched her lover debate with himself if it was worth it to continue this battle.  At last, he seemed to realize that it really was not worth the pain of an argument._

“Damn them,” _he cursed as his shoulders slumped forward._  “Damn them for taking you away from me.”

_Tears burned at Natalia’s eyes as she forced herself to smile.  This didn’t seem to fool her lover, as he shook his head sadly and reached out to press a finger to her lips.  Out of instinct, she pressed a gentle kiss to the finger.  She could see the pain within her lover, hidden just behind a veneer of concern for her well-being.  In that moment, she knew more clearly than she ever had before that the man before her, despite much of what he was made to do, was a good man._

~~~~

Sighing heavily as she sank down to her knees in front of the door, Nat closed her eyes against the burn of further tears.  None of this was fair, but she had learned that life was almost never fair a very long time ago.

The next morning, Nat was the first to wake up.  This wasn’t particularly surprising to her.  Clint had never been a morning person in her memory, and if there wasn’t the inducement of “well made” coffee, then he would drag his feet even more about getting up.  Bobbi was likely too comfortable in the arms of her new husband to bother with waking up early, and James probably just didn’t want to come out and face her.  Nat couldn’t exactly blame him if that was the case.

Making her way to the kitchen, Nat froze when she saw that the room wasn’t empty.  The lights were off, and with the sun still barely a glimmer in the horizon, the room was heavily shadowed.  Just the sort of place for an intruder to go unnoticed for at least another hour.  Except for the fact that no one else knew about this safe house.

“Nick,” Nat greeted as she turned on the kitchen light.

Nick Fury, former director of S.H.I.E.L.D., had obviously seen better days.  He had one of his customary eye patches on over his left eye, and the various bruises from his run-in with the Winter Soldier only a few weeks before were starting to fade.  But there was still a stiffness to the way he held himself, as though certain parts of his body were in pain and he didn’t want to exacerbate that pain.  Then there was the fact that he was dressed like a hobo who had been mugged, beaten, ripped up and left for dead on the side of a highway.

“You look like hell,” Nat added, moving to sit across from the black man.

“Yeah, you look the same as ever,” Fury replied.  “Except for the blonde hair.  Thinking of becoming one permanently?”

A slight smile crossed Nat’s lips as she reached out to rest her hand over Fury’s.  “I wouldn’t dream of it,” she said quietly.  “I know you never liked me as anything but a redhead.”

“Damn right,” Fury smirked.  “So you’ve met Bobbi again.”

“This is actually the first time I’ve _officially_ met her,” Nat corrected.  “I’d only ever read reports about her or seen her at a distance before… Well, just before.”

There was a flash of pain in Fury’s one good eye at the mention of before, but he hid it well.  Shifting slightly in his seat, he made a noncommittal sound of comprehension.

“Helluva agent,” he shrugged.  “She was always one of the better field operatives.  Not quite up to your standards, ‘course,” he added with a polite nod to Nat.  “But she was damn close, and I valued her skills.  Not just in the field, but also in the lab.”

“She mentioned being a scientist,” Nat nodded.  “As I understand it, she’s a biochemist?”

Fury tapped his nose with a slight twitch of his lips.  “You always were good at remembering those stupid little factoids about your fellow S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.”

Nat bit back the urge to retort that “those stupid factoids” didn’t help her prevent what had happened.  It wouldn’t do to reopen painful wounds; not when they might be able to find a way to help James.

“You said that you wanted to talk in person, Romanoff,” Fury sighed, seeming to read Nat’s body language enough to know S.H.I.E.L.D. was a touchy subject for her.  “About the KGB and the Winter Soldier.”

“Yeah,” Nat said slowly, rubbing at her forehead.  “It’s a very long story.”

“I got the time.”

A bitter laugh escaped Nat’s lips as she closed her eyes tightly.  After a moment to collect herself, she started to tell Fury everything.

She began with Ivan.  Everything led back to Ivan, she realized with more than a little irony.  Ivan Petrovitch Bezukhov had been the man Nat loved as a father, and yet he had also been the one to give her to the Soviet government in the first place.  There were times when she didn’t know if she should hate him or love him for that.

It took a long time to finally tell Fury everything.  She had anticipated that much.  What she hadn’t anticipated was how much it would hurt to finally tell him everything.  By the time she finished, Nat was crying.  Not the quiet, pretty kind of crying that she often used to her advantage, but the chest-aching sobbing kind.  

“That’s a helluva story,” Fury sighed.  “Always knew that you had a messed up life.”

“That’s being polite about it,” Nat murmured.

Sighing heavily, Nat ran a hand through her hair.  There was so much that had to happen now, and she couldn’t even begin to think where they needed to start.

“We’ll figure it out,” Fury promised.  “But for now, I should probably meet the damn man.”

Nat laughed weakly at this and wiped her eyes.  “Yeah, you probably should.  I don’t know why none of them are down here yet.”

“Maybe because I sent a message ahead to Bobbi to make sure she kept everyone away so we could talk.”

Smiling to herself, Nat nodded and sighed softly.  “Yeah…Thank you for that much.”

Fury nodded with a slight smile.  “Come on.  Let’s meet the Winter Soldier.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohai Fury! Nice to see you! Also, omfg these two. *glares at BuckyNat* GET HIS MEMORIES BACK GODDAMN YOU.


	10. Chapter 10

With Fury behind her, Nat moved into the main room of the safe house.  She was far from surprised to find that the others were already waiting.  Bobbi and Clint, of course, were so close to one another that they were practically one person while James sat as far away from the couple as he could.  There was nothing in his eyes to indicate that he was about to bring up what had happened between him and Nat the night before, and Nat was grateful for that.  She was also worried, because she wanted time alone with him to explain why she had pushed him away.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want him, or that she didn’t want to fight for him.  She _was_ fighting for him.  But there was a line between fighting for someone and taking advantage of them.  James didn’t remember her yet, and if she seduced him now, she would be toying with his emotions.  She might love him, but she would not allow him to sleep with her because he felt that was what she expected of him.

Looking over at James, Nat bit her lip and then moved over to stand beside him.  She could feel the tension in his body beside her, but he didn’t pull away or make a move to send her away from him.  That was a start, if nothing else.  

“James,” she said quietly, nodding over to Fury.  “This is Nick Fury.  He’s here to help us.”

“We’ve met,” Fury greeted with a slight twitch of his lips.  “Under not-so-great circumstances, as I recall.”

A slightly sheepish look crossed James’ face as he nodded his understanding to Fury.  Nat smiled wryly as she moved to sit down beside James.  Resting a hand on his knee, she felt the way his muscles relaxed slightly under her touch.  Maybe they couldn’t sleep with one another yet, but at least she could begin to create that physical connection they once had.

“I understand that you’re going to help me,” James said slowly.  “Though I can’t begin to guess why.”

“You want the God’s honest truth?” Fury asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I would appreciate it, yes,” James replied.

“Well,” Fury said, stepping towards them.  “You’re a hell of an operative.  I could use a man like you in the fight against HYDRA.  You have a helluva reason to hate those assholes.  I’m not gonna pretend like I’ve got a goddamned altruistic reason to help you, ‘cause that’s not the case.”

“At least you’re honest,” James commented arching an eyebrow.

“Bluntness is his talent,” Nat agreed with a shrug.

“Along with not giving a damn if the World Security Council agrees with him on anything,” Clint added.

Nat smiled sadly, sighing heavily as she remembered what had happened to the WSC.  With all of them dead now, Fury didn’t exactly have anyone to keep him on his short leash.  Not that they’d succeeded at this until now.

“So you want me to use as a weapon,” James said in a low voice.  “Like HYDRA and the KGB did before.”

“Not like that,” Fury retorted.  “I’m not that stupid.  No, the way I’ll be using you isn’t anything like those assholes.  What I’ll be doing is asking you for help.  You don’t want to do a job, then I won’t force you.  I can ask other agents to do it if you feel uncomfortable.”

“Translation, he’ll drag us into shit,” Clint muttered as he nuzzled his face into Bobbi’s neck.  “And we’ll bitch and moan the whole time.”

Nat laughed a little bit at this.  “You won’t be bitching and moaning the _entire_ time, now you’re a married man.”

“Ah yeah,” Clint grinned at his new bride.  “The ol’ ball and chain.”

“You’re really lucky I like you, Barton,” Bobbi teased, flicking Clint’s ear lightly.

“Ow!” Clint pouted.  “That’s my bad ear.  Be gentle with me, woman!”

“ _Is he always this immature_?” James asked Nat in quiet Russian.

“ _You have no idea_ ,” she replied, grinning at the look of indignation on Clint’s face.  “ _And I had to deal with him for even longer than Bobbi has_.”

“You do remember that all of us at least have a passable _understanding_ of Russian, right?” Clint sneered.  “God, Nat, you’re such a pain sometimes.”

“Shhhh,” Bobbi soothed her husband, kissing his cheek.  “Just let her have her moment, baby.”

Fury looked at all of them with an expression of longsuffering.  “I’m surrounded by fuckin’ toddlers, I swear,” he sighed in frustration.  “You’re gonna be the death of me, all of you.”

“You keep us around, though,” Bobbi pointed out, grinning at her husband and playing with his hair tenderly.  “We must be pretty special for you to keep us around like this.”

There was a sense of calm in the air now.  Nat found herself relaxing against James’ side, her fingers brushing against his knee again.  He didn’t even stiffen beside her this time, to her great relief.  Glancing over at the man beside her, Nat smiled weakly at him.  He returned the gaze and smiled back slightly.  

“So how do you intend to help?” James asked, turning his gaze back to Fury.  “I doubt that you’ve got a machine in that coat that’ll help me.”

“Don’t you wish,” Fury scoffed.  “But no, I may have something better than that.  Access to a machine that could help you.”

The entire room went still.  Clint and Bobbi froze, their eyes wide and shocked as they turned to gaze at Fury.  Nat could feel the tension in the room increasing as James tensed up beside her.  His hand, just beside hers, was shaking uncontrollably.  The metal hand was perfectly still, but he slowly clenched it into a tight fist.

“James,” she whispered, reaching over to touch his flesh and blood hand.

“What kind of machine?” he asked, as though he hadn’t heard Nat.

“Little something that John Garrett’s people found and were using on a loyal S.H.I.E.L.D. asset a ways back,” Fury said, his expression carefully guarded.  “We managed to get hold of it, before everything went to hell.”

“Wait,” Nat said, holding up a hand.  “John _Garrett_?  You mean Phi--” she stopped herself as a flood of old memories and pain hit her chest.  Even two years after the fact, thinking of Phil Coulson’s death was enough to make Nat want to scream and cry all at once.  “You mean Coulson’s old buddy?” she corrected herself, clearing her throat as she spoke.

“I mean him,” Fury admitted.  “We were all a little shocked when he turned out to be HYDRA.”

Both Nat and Clint cursed softly.  Neither of them had worked closely with John Garrett, but they’d heard the stories Coulson would tell about the years he spent working alongside his fellow agent.  Looking over at her friend, Nat could see the guilt and pain etched into Clint’s expression.  

“Did you at least take Garrett down?” Clint asked in a tight voice.

“We did.  But the machine was taken in by a splinter group of loyalists to S.H.I.E.L.D.  You’ll have to find them to be able to use it.”

Nat cursed quietly, rubbing at her forehead.  Once more, she could feel a headache starting to build up just behind her eyes.

“Are they people we can trust?” she asked.  “I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not exactly eager to run after a bunch of people who are supposedly loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. when we’ve only recently had to deal with the aftermath of ‘loyalties’ being proven to be a bunch of bullshit!”

“She does have a point,” Bobbi admitted with a sigh.  “We have no way of knowing if these people are friends, enemies, or just mercenaries.”

“You do have a way,” Fury pointed out.  “I set up this group myself.  Hand-picked several for work within S.H.I.E.L.D., and I’d stake my life that they’re all good folks.”

“No offense, Nick,” Clint snarked, holding his wife closer to his chest, “but your word isn’t worth shit after what happened in S.H.I.E.L.D., far as I’m concerned.  You would’ve staked your life that Pearce was good people, and look at how that bit us all in the ass less than a fucking month ago.”

Everyone grew silent after Clint said his piece.  No one could deny the truth of what he had just said.  Fury, along with many other people in the hierarchy of S.H.I.E.L.D., had been blind to what was going on right in front of them.  The question now was would they all just let that define their future?

“You’re right,” Fury sighed.  “You’re damn right, Barton.  I should’ve seen what was right in front of my face, but I didn’t.  People died for that.  Good people.  Innocent people.  But right now, I’m trying my damnedest to rebuild what S.H.I.E.L.D. was from the ground up.  If you don’t want to help me, I can’t blame you for that.  But I’d really rather if you did.”

For a moment, Nat could only stare at Fury in mingled amusement and shock.  This was the closest she had ever heard Fury come to an actual _apology_ for anything he had done in the years she had known him.  A glance at both Clint and Bobbi revealed that they were feeling something very similar to what Nat was feeling.

“Did you just…?” Bobbi asked with a slight grin.

“I did not just fucking apologize, so you can just say yes or no, are you gonna help?” Fury snapped.

Beside her, Nat felt James shift slightly.  She glanced over to try and read his expression.  His face was a mask of thoughtfulness, revealing nothing about what he was really thinking.  An old trick that he had taught to Nat years ago.  Keeping allies and enemies alike guessing about what you were thinking allowed you to be in full control of any given situation.  At least, it did when done correctly.

“James,” she said quietly.  “The real decision is yours.  Do you want to risk going after this machine?”

He turned to face her and Nat almost gasped out loud at the vulnerability in his eyes.  Out of instinct, she reached out for his hand and laced her fingers with his.  In an instant, he had tightened his hold on her hand, as though she could anchor him.  Taking a deep breath, he nodded slowly.

“If it’ll help, then yes.  Let’s find this machine and Fury’s people.”

~~~~

It didn’t take long for them to clear out the safe house.  James didn’t have any belongings with him, and all the rest of the group was practiced at traveling light.  Once all of their things were packed up, they were ready to make their way back o the United States.  Fury would be staying behind.  As far as he was concerned, it was a better idea all around if he just stayed ‘dead’ to the world.  Nat and Clint were both inclined to agree with this thinking.

“Do we at least have a flight that we can get on?” Clint groused as they climbed into yet another hotwired car.

“Already taken care of,” Fury promised.  “You’ll be landing in Detroit.  From there, keep Morse’s burner cell at the ready.  I’ll let you know how to proceed.”

“Thanks again, Nick,” Nat murmured, reaching out to give the black man’s hand a firm squeeze.  “We’ll contact you as soon as we land.”

With good-byes now said, the group of four made their way to the Boryspil International Airport.  James looked startled at the size of the airport when they pulled up.

“When was this built?” he asked quietly.

“1959,” Nat murmured.  “You were…Out of commission by then.”

A bitter smile crossed James’ lips at this and he nodded slowly.  “You can say ‘on ice’.  I know what you mean.”

“What _I’m_ worried about,” Clint said loudly, conveniently interrupting the conversation, “is how in the hell we’re going to get your arm through security.”

“Already on that,” Nat said with a smirk.  “I’ve been flying for years, remember?”

“Oh-ho-ho,” Clint mocked, rolling his eyes as he helped his wife unload their few bags.  “Look who’s so fucking smart.  Asshole.”

“Be nice, Clint,” Bobbi chided as she pressed a kiss to her husband’s cheek.  “So what is your plan, Nat?”

Looking over at the blonde woman, Nat couldn’t help but feel a growing appreciation for her.  While they might not have gotten off on the right foot, Nat could see why Clint was so infatuated with his blushing bride.  Bobbi was promising to be a very good friend for Nat.

“Well, it’s a prosthetic.  So we just play up that angle,” she said with a grin.  “Oh,” she added, turning to Clint.  “If anyone gives us trouble, you’re deaf and I’m a dumb American.”

A broad grin crossed Clint’s face at this.  “So the opposite of how you usually play it,” he teased.  “Awesome.  But c’mon, Nat.  It’s only one ear.”

“That’s one ear more than most people anticipate,” Nat retorted.  “So damn well play the deaf tourist, mkay?”

“Wait,” Bobbi said slowly, glancing at her husband.  “You _are_ partially deaf?”

“I’ll explain on the plane, pretty bird,” Clint assured her with a kiss to her cheek.  “It’s a long story.”

“See, now I can believe that you two got married without even knowing that much about one another,” Nat drawled.  “So come on.”

Bobbi managed to look very sheepish as she followed after the others, her hand held tightly by Clint.  James glanced at Nat before he leaned heavily against her, an exaggerated limp becoming part of his gait as they walked.  Stifling a grin at how well he slipped back into the role of actor, Nat wrapped an arm around his waist as though she was steadying him.

Thankfully, while Ukrainians didn’t seem as careful about being PC as Americans, they also weren’t about to force a man with a prosthetic arm to remove said arm.  Security only provided a mild irritation as they argued with James about his arm for only two minutes before waving him through.

“Remind me why we didn’t hand all our weapons to him again?” Clint muttered into Nat’s ear as they gathered up their carry-on bags on the other side of the security gate.

“Because we didn’t want him to _look_ like he was carrying weapons, babe,” Bobbi laughed quietly.  “Remember, he’s not that heavy set, so a lot of bulky guns on him would stand out.”

James rolled his eyes dramatically, his lips quirking up slightly in barely-contained amusement.  “Now I just feel abused,” he grumbled.

“Oh, that’s not true,” Nat assured him with a grin.  “If we were abusing you, we wouldn’t be half so nice as we’re being right now.”

“If this is nice, I’d hate to see mean,” James chuckled quietly.

The flight plans they had were fairly simple.  A layover at Heathrow, and then they would be flying straight to Detroit.  Fury had been sure to arrange for the most direct itinerary.  From what Nat understood of what was to happen after they arrived in Detroit, there would be a vehicle of some sort for them to drive for the remainder of their journey.  

Once they boarded their first flight, everything went fairly smoothly.  HYDRA might be trying to get hold of the Winter Soldier once more, but they must not have heard about Bobbi and Clint’s interference with the agents seeking him out in Moscow.  If that was the case, then they had a limited window of opportunity to take advantage of in which HYDRA would not be looking for them. 

Heathrow was crowded, as ever, and the Detroit Metropolitan was even worse.  When they disembarked in America, Nat was worried that James might lash out at some poor bystander. He grew tense underneath her arm as she “guided” him through the growing press of humanity. Bobbi and Clint seemed to also sense the growing tension, as they moved just a little faster to provide more of a buffer between James and the crowd.

Without Bobbi and Clint, Nat wasn’t certain if she would have been able to get James out of the airport without any sort of incident.  As it was, with the other couple keeping the press of people at least somewhat away from James and Nat, they were able to move quickly and without any injuries being sustained.

As Nat had suspected, Fury had arranged for a car to be waiting for them.  It wasn’t much, but it wasn’t hotwired.

“Oh my God, it’s another kidnapper van,” Clint grinned. “We are gonna look _so_ inconspicuous in this thing.”

“Stow it, Barton,” Nat chuckled, elbowing her friend playfully.  “At least we’ll all fit in it.”

“Halle-fucking-lujiah for that,” Clint snarked. “I was so worried about us not _fitting_ into a car.”

“This is what you have to look forward to, Bobbi,” Nat grinned at the other woman as they loaded their things into the van. “Not too late for an annulment.”

“Hmmm,” Bobbi pondered, her eyes dancing as Clint gave her a stricken look.  “Tempting as that is, I think I’ll give him a bit of a longer trial run before I kick him to the curb for good.”

“I’m hurt!” Clint whined.  “Genuinely hurt.”

“That’s what happens when you hang out with women like Natasha and Bobbi, it seems,” James commented idly.

Both Clint and Bobbi froze for a moment, staring at James as though he had grown a second head.  A loud laugh from Nat caused them to snap back to reality, both looking sheepish. With the tension of the flight behind them, and it now established that James had a fairly good sense of humor, they made their way out of the airport parking lot. 

“How are we even supposed to know where to go from here?” Clint asked as he settled in the passenger seat beside his wife, who had volunteered to drive.  “Fury said he’d let us know what to do, but I don’t see any signs that say ‘this way to S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ’, do you guys?”

Bobbi met Nat’s gaze in the rearview mirror and rolled her eyes dramatically.  “If Fury wants to help us, he’ll find a way to, Clint,” the blonde said with great conviction.

“But _how_?” Clint pressed.

“I think this might be it,” Nat said, shoving Bobbi’s burner phone under the archer’s nose for emphasis.  “He just texted us GPS coordinates.”

“…He could’ve at least called.”

No one bothered to answer Clint’s continued griping. After putting the coordinates into the GPS that had, somehow, come with the car, all they could really do was sit back and drive.  Nat offered at least once to take over driving, but Bobbi was adamantly opposed to this.

“See, I knew she was smart,” James chuckled under his breath.

~~~~

Nat hadn’t realized that she had dozed off until she found herself waking up in surprise as the van came to a halt. Sitting up slowly, Nat rubbed the sleep from her eyes.  In the passenger seat, Clint was also stirring slowly.  James was in the back corner of the van, his eyes closed, but his breathing not deep enough for sleep.

“Are we here?” Nat asked Bobbi quietly, leaning close.

“I think so,” Bobbi said slowly. “This is where the GPS led me. But it looks like just an abandoned warehouse or something.”

“Just because that’s what it looks like doesn’t mean that’s what it is,” Nat murmured.  “Come on, birdbrain,” she added, swatting Clint’s shoulder lightly. “Let’s investigate, shall we?”

Clint made a noise of mild protest, snuffling weakly and rubbing his eyes.  After a bit more coercion, Nat managed to get everyone out of the van. James hesitated for a moment, frowning in frustration.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to go in just yet,” he said slowly.  “I did try to kill Fury.”

“That wasn’t you,” Nat said fiercely, reaching up to touch his cheek.  “They can’t hold it against you, James.”

“But they might,” he murmured, touching her hand with his.  “You go on ahead. I’ll be here with the van.”

Nat opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head to hold off her arguments.

“Go on,” he assured her.

Sighing heavily, Nat nodded and turned to join Bobbi and Clint.  The newlyweds exchanged a glance before Bobbi moved to the nearest door of the warehouse. With a great heave, she tugged it open. There was a slight creak of metal, but nothing nearly as ear-splitting as one would have anticipated the door of an abandoned anything to sound.  Once more, the three companions exchanged herglances.

“Now or never,” Bobbi muttered under her breath.

They moved inside of the warehouse slowly. Almost as soon as they crossed the threshold, there was a loud alarm blaring somewhere deep inside of the building and the door slammed shut behind them.  Turning sharply, Nat cursed under her breath as overhead lights were turned on suddenly.

“Who are you?” a female voice asked from somewhere just beyond the pool of light that now surrounded the three companions.

“We’re former agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.,” Nat answered, shielding her eyes from the bright light.  “Fury sent us.”

There was a long silence before the lights began to dim overhead.  Nat lowered her hand slowly, frowning to herself.  Footsteps rang out through the warehouse, and then a familiar, but impossibly alive person was standing in front of them.

“Welcome to the Playground, Agents,” the voice of Phil Coulson said as he smiled slightly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.
> 
> Enjoy the cliff hanger.


	11. Chapter 11

Nat stared in awe at the man in front of her.  This could not be happening.  She had _heard_ Fury when he told everyone on the Helicarrier that Agent Coulson was dead.  She’d been invited to the memorial service and even visited Coulson’s _grave_.  It was not possible that Phil was standing in front of her right now, alive and well.  He couldn’t be here, smiling at her and breathing.

“It’s good to see you again, Natasha,” Phil-- _no, not Phil, can’t be Phil_ \--said with a slight smile.

“Y-you’re dead,” Nat gasped, stumbling back against Clint.  She could feel his hands shaking as he steadied her.  That was crazy.  Clint’s hands never shook.  “You’re _dead_ , Phil.  We saw your funeral!”

“Rumors of my death were…” Phil trailed off thoughtfully.

“If you say ‘greatly exaggerated’, I swear to God I will shove something up your ass!” Nat snapped, glaring at Phil.  “My _God_ , Phil, it’s been two _years_!  If you were alive the whole time, why the hell didn’t you tell us?  Why?!”

Clint’s hands tightened around Nat’s arms, holding her back from launching at Coulson physically.  But she could still feel the shaking in his hands, and she knew that he was just as angry as she was.  Setting her jaw angrily, she glared even more at her former handler.

“You utter bastard,” she snarled.  “Two years we mourned you.  Two years, we visited your grave on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries!”

“Natasha, I--”

“Don’t even,” Nat hissed angrily, shaking her head slowly.  “You don’t get to talk yet.  I’m not even _close_ to done with you”

“Now that’s hardly fair--” Phil started again.

“Hardly fair?” Nat repeated bitterly, taking an abortive step forward.  “You don’t _get_ to lecture me on fair, you asshole.  We mourned for you!”

“Tash,” Clint whispered softly in her ear, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze.  “He gets it, I think.”

A wry smile crossed Coulson’s lips as he looked from Clint to Nat.  There was sadness in his eyes as he took in the pain on their faces, and for a brief moment, Nat was worried about making him feel too guilty.  But she pushed that aside, because she was mad, and she had every right to be.  She was going to damn well stay mad until she felt like it.

“I never meant to hurt any of you,” Phil said sincerely.  “I didn’t even know about what was done to me until after the fact, Natasha.  I was forced to keep it a secret from the two of you.  Otherwise, you can be damn sure I’d have invited you both over for a celebratory steak dinner.”

“You always did make good steak,” Clint acknowledged.

Nat elbowed Clint firmly, giving him a dark look.  Setting her jaw when she saw the pleading look on his face, she turned back towards Coulson.  She didn’t _want_ to stay mad at him.  Phil had always been a very dear friend to her.  Regaining that friendship would make her very happy.  At a later time, perhaps.  But right now, she wasn’t about to forgive him.  Not without any good reasons.

“So why are you here?” Phil asked carefully.  “You did say that Fury sent you.”

“He did,” Nat admitted with a sigh.  “For help with...a friend.”

“Your other companion,” Phil nodded.  “Our cameras picked him up already.  You can bring him in, if you’d like.”

“We have a lot of explaining to do first,” Nat said slowly.  “About the man waiting outside.”

“Oh?” Phil’s expression was one of open curiosity, nothing more.

“Is this your entire team?” Nat asked, pointing around at the single woman standing just behind Coulson.

She was of Chinese descent, clearly, and her expression was carefully guarded.  The way she stood behind Coulson, she clearly felt the need to protect him.  Nat could understand that.  She felt something similar for Clint.  Except there was a level of possessiveness in the way she held her body, keeping herself positioned in such away that she would easily and quickly be able to pull Phil away from danger and put herself in the way of any attacks.  There was something familiar about the woman, though Nat couldn’t quite place it.

“Ah, no.  Not my entire team,” Phil said with a slight smile.  “Would you rather meet the rest of the team first or bring in your friend?”

Nat glanced over at Bobbi and Clint.  Phil would likely be _very_ surprised when he found out that declared bachelor, Clint Barton, was now a married man.  She almost smiled at that thought, picturing the look of pure shock that would cross Phil’s face when he found out.  That would almost be worth all of the pain of realizing that Phil was dead, and now he was alive, the liar.

“I think we should bring in our friend,” she finally declared.  “It’ll be easier to explain everything if we have everyone in one place.  Do you think that’s reasonable?” she added, glancing at Bobbi and Clint again.

Clint and Bobbi exchanged their own looks and then nodded in unison.  “Yeah, sure,” Clint said with a nod.  “Want me to go out and get James?” he asked Nat gently.  “Or do you want to?”

“If you would, that would be great,” Nat murmured, touching her friend’s hand briefly with a slight smile.  “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

The archer pressed a friendly kiss to Nat’s cheek, gently touching her cheek before he turned to his bride with a beaming smile.  Brushing a finger along Bobbi’s jawline, he kissed her forehead before moving towards the door.  Phil frowned at this, his eyes moving over Bobbi quickly and taking in everything about her.  As he did this, the woman behind him arched an eyebrow and tilted her head curiously.

“You’re right,” Phil said slowly.  “We’re going to have a lot to get caught up on.”

Nat was about to reply when she heard the door to the warehouse opening again.  Turning to face the two men, she smiled weakly when James gave her a curious look.  Behind her, Nat heard Phil take in a sharp breath.

“...Oh, _bozhe moi_ ,” Nat cursed under her breath.  She’d almost forgotten about Phil’s unnatural obsession with all things Captain America.  “James...This is Agent Phil Coulson,” she sighed, motioning back at Phil.  “Phil, this is--”

“Bucky...Barnes…” Phil breathed.  “But, he--”

“You’re not really in a position to point that out right now, Phil,” Nat said firmly, giving the agent a pointed look.  “We’ll go into the details after we explain why he’s here.  Got it?”

Phil struggled for a moment with his self-control, the vein in his temple throbbing with the effort.  It would have been amusing to watch under any other circumstances.  James looked rather terrified by the way Phil was staring intently at him, and Nat couldn’t exactly blame him.  She had been a firsthand witness to a great deal of Phil’s fanboying when Steve Rogers was first pulled out of the ice.  She knew exactly how crazed Phil could become whenever someone mentioned either Captain America or the Howling Commandos.  It was endearing, but also just a bit freaky.

“Are you breathing, Phil?” Nat asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil muttered, shaking his head as though to clear it.  “Uhm...Mr. Barnes,” he added, moving towards James with his hand extended.  “It is _such_ an honor to meet you.”

James eyed the offered hand for a moment, frowning a little to himself before he accepted the offered hand.  Phil took his hand with a grin, shaking his hand firmly and enthusiastically.  Nat found herself smiling, despite the anger she still felt towards Phil.

“I’ve been hearing stories about you and Captain Rogers since I was a young boy--”

That was enough, Nat decided with a sigh.  Stepping forward, she extracted James’ hand from Phil’s tight grip.  A look of pain and frustration crossed James’ face as he looked from Phil to Nat, his face pale.

“ _No, no, it’s okay_ ,” Nat murmured in quiet Russian, giving his hand a squeeze.  “ _He doesn’t know your history yet, miliy moi_.”

The expression of affection left her lips before she could control herself.  James didn’t react to it, but Phil did. He practically jerked with shock as he processed exactly what Nat had just said to the man who was one of his childhood heroes.  Nat ignored that, though, and focused all her attention on James.  Smiling softly at him, she slowly guided his fingers to lace with hers, her eyes never leaving his face.

“ _We’ll explain everything to him in a little bit, I promise.  Then he’ll understand_.”

James nodded slowly at this and gave her a shaky smile.  “ _Thank you, Natalia_ ,” he murmured in the same language.

“I...have so many questions right now,” Phil muttered behind Nat and James.

~~~~

By the time Phil’s entire team was gathered together, Nat was very impressed.  The Chinese woman she had noticed shadowing Phil turned out to be one of the most infamous agents in the entirety of S.H.I.E.L.D., Melinda May.  Then there were the two scientists who worked with the team.  Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz, while they were both very young, had already begun to make names for themselves within the science departments of S.H.I.E.L.D. before it all fell apart.  The young hacker, Skye, was impressive just in how she had joined the team, even if there wasn’t much known about her.  Antoine Triplett, a legacy whose name had been on the lips of a great many S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, both male and female, was all charm and debonair wit.  That left just one person.

Grant Ward.

Nat arched an eyebrow as she took in the sight of Grant Ward.  Quite frankly, he looked like hell.  Someone had really done a number on his otherwise very pretty face.  A scar was developing along the line of his right cheekbone, and there were other signs that someone had struck him repeatedly.  There was something else about him, though; the way that everyone else was treating him.

Phil was the most obvious in his clear disapproval of the man.  While not usually a very openly emotional man, Phil was clearly not happy with something that Grant Ward had done in the recent past.  Nat was very curious about this.  She had heard some rumors about Grant Ward when he first joined the S.H.I.E.L.D. academy.  The words ‘short temper’ and ‘lack of self-control’ had been thrown around quite a bit by people assigned to the academy who had to work with him.  Perhaps that was why Phil was being so distant towards a member of his own team.

There was something else about Ward that made her curious about Phil and the rest of the team’s cold shoulder towards him.  The past of one Grant Ward, according to the cursory glance she had given his file a few years ago, was tormented to say the very least.  Recruited by one John Garrett from a juvenile detention facility as a teenager, he was the sort of person Hydra would have tried to recruit.

“So you said you had a long story to tell us,” Phil said, pointedly ignoring the look Grant gave him.

“That I do,” Nat agreed with a sigh.  “Let’s start at the beginning.”

This time, she did omit details.  Fury had earned the level of trust it would take from Nat that would allow her to open up about so much of her past.  Phil, on the other hand, was not quite on that list of people she trusted yet.  Not after the lie of his death.  But she did tell about the past she had shared with James.  Only part of it, but still a great deal more than she had shared with anyone else in S.H.I.E.L.D.--apart from Clint--up until now.  Once their past was explained, she moved on to the explanation of what she and Captain America had been up to during the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the rise of Hydra.

Beside her, James tensed as she spoke about how he had attempted to kill Fury, Steve, and even her.  As she felt the tension in his body, she reached over to gently touch his hand.  Her fingers moved to caress the warm skin of his wrist, moving down over the back of his hand and his knuckles.  After a moment or two of her touch, James began to slowly relax.

Once she had finished her entire story, Nat turned her gaze towards Coulson’s team.  Clint, sitting beside Bobbi near Coulson, gave her an amused look when she pointedly left out the bit about how he got married.  Nat’s only response to that was to give him an amused look of her own.

“Well,” Phil sighed.  “You’ve really been up to a lot.”

“And that’s only my part of the story,” Nat agreed with a wry smile.  “Just wait until Clint finally tells you his part.”

If Clint had been sitting beside her, Nat was absolutely sure that he would have kicked her in the shin.  Smiling slightly to herself, Nat slowly interlaced her fingers with James’ again, keeping the pressure slight, just enough that he could know that she was still there.  

“Oh, I intend to get more information out of him later,” Phil said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“And now _we_ have questions,” Nat said, giving Phil a look.  “Like why the hell is everyone treating Ward like he has the plague?”

Ward stiffened at this, his eyes widening in fear for a moment before he carefully schooled his features into a mask of disinterest.  But it wasn’t fast enough to hide just how afraid he really was.  He had done something to lose the trust of the team, and in light of what had happened with Hydra in recent weeks, Nat was not about to rule out him being a former traitor.

“Well?” Nat pressed, arching an eyebrow.  “I’m waiting.”

The hacker girl, Skye, was the one who spoke up.

“We found out Ward had been a Hydra agent until he defected just before everything went to hell,” she said, reaching out a hand to touch Ward’s knee gently.  “Most of the team don’t really want to trust him after finding out this, given what we’ve had to deal with from Hydra.”

That certainly explained a great deal.  It even explained a little bit of the physical touching between Skye and Ward.  Someone clearly had a bit of a crush.  Nat filed that little tidbit away for later evaluation.

“Aha,” Nat mused to herself.  “That would do it.”  She stood up slowly, lightly dropping her fingers away from James’.  “Well, if anyone needs reassurance, I could certainly interrogate him for you, Phil.”

This time, Ward didn’t bother to hide the fear in his eyes.  He had clearly heard the rumors surrounding the Black Widow’s interrogation techniques, and he didn’t want to be subjected to them.  Not that Nat could necessarily _blame_ him for that much.  Still, it was a little amusing to see.

“You really don’t have to do that, Nat,” Phil said quietly.

“I think I do,” Nat retorted.  “No one is going to move forward until we are 100% sure that this guy is on the up-and-up when he says he defected.  So I’ll interrogate him and we’ll see where things stand when I’ve finished.”

“Oh God,” Ward muttered.  “I’m a dead man.”

“Maybe not,” Bobbi pointed out with a wry smile.  “If you answer honestly and correctly, then we’ll keep you alive until you’re no longer useful.”

“Not really helping, Bobbi,” Nat chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.  “But I’ll definitely interrogate this man for you.”

Phil frowned for a moment before he nodded slowly.  “Very well,” he said quietly.

Nat smirked at this and nodded at Ward and Phil.  “Do you have an interrogation room?”

May stood up, nodding to Nat.  “This way,” she said quietly.

As Nat moved after May, all the others stood up as well.  The two scientists--they were both so young so vulnerable, Nat realized with a jolt--explained in unison that they had experiments to get back to.  Trip didn’t bother to give some excuse.

“I’ll stick around to watch the show,” he said with a slight quirk of his lips.

“You and me both, dude,” Clint grinned at Trip, holding up a hand for a high five, which Trip complied with.

Skye rolled her eyes at this, reaching out to touch Ward’s hand gently before she moved over to stand beside Phil.  Nat watched carefully as Phil’s entire body language changed when Skye drew closer to her.  He relaxed slightly, but also moved closer to her as though he wanted to protect her.  His expression was more open, and he even seemed to give her a fond smile as he glanced down at the young woman.  To quote Lewis Caroll, “curiouser and curiouser.”

Following after May, Nat almost burst out laughing when they were brought to the room with the infamous lie detector that the Koenig brothers had helped create.  Everyone gave her a confused look as she snorted with suppressed mirth, her eyes dancing merrily.

“Something funny, Agent Romanoff?” Phil asked with an arch of his eyebrow.

“This _machine_ is funny,” Nat grinned.  “Did Koenig tell you Fury made it so even I couldn’t beat it?”

Everyone who was a part of Phil’s team looked startled that Nat even knew this.  Clint, however, looked like he had finally understood an inside joke and grinned broadly.

“Oh my God,” he chortled.  “Nat, no.  He didn’t.”

“Oh, he damn well did,” Nat grinned at her friend. “But the thing is, Koenig and Fury were dreaming when they thought they could do something like that. _Any_ lie detector can be beaten, Agents.  You just have to know how to control your body’s responses to lying. So please, Agent May,” she added, shaking her head in amusement.  “Please take me somewhere other than the room housing this travesty.”

A slightly amused light entered Agent May’s eyes as she nodded, her lips quirking up ever so slightly.  Following after the other woman, Nat could hear Clint explaining to his wife between chortling laughs how Nat had first heard about the lie detector.

The next room Agent May took them too was much better suited to Nat’s purposes.  Much like any interrogation room in a police station, or even a S.H.I.E.L.D. building, there was a large window of two-way glass.  That would allow the others to make sure Nat didn’t break down and start using police brutality against her unfortunate victim.

“Bobbi?” Nat asked with a grin.  “Would you please escort Mr. Ward into the room and wait for me?”

Ward looked confused by this, clearly having expected Nat to take over the interrogation from the beginning.  Bobbi nodded her understanding to Nat with a grin and then grabbed onto Ward’s arm, hard.  The former Hydra agent actually hissed in surprised pain as Bobbi tugged him along into the room. Nat, meanwhile, moved with the others into the observation room, turning on the speaker that would allow them to hear what was said by Bobbi and Ward.

“So are you supposed to play Bad Cop?” Ward asked, arching an eyebrow as Bobbi shoved him into a chair.  “So that Romanoff can play Good Cop and butter me up to reveal key Hydra information?”

“It’s so sweet that you think _I’m_ the Bad Cop, kid,” Bobbi said with a grin, leaning forward so her palms rested flat against the tabletop.  “But I’m not half as scary as Natasha Romanoff is.”

Any bravado Ward might have been feeling faltered at this declaration.  Behind her, Nat heard Clint sigh happily.

“God, I love my wife,” he crooned.

“…You’re what?” Phil deadpanned.

And that was Nat’s cue, she decided. Knocking lightly on the two-way glass to ensure that Bobbi knew she would be coming in, she moved with all the grace of a dancer into the interrogation room.  Ward was staring up at Bobbi, his expression hard to read as he kept it very controlled.  Nat had to admit to being somewhat impressed.  But if he thought a little brave face would sway her, he was dead wrong.

“Grant Ward,” she greeted, moving to sit down across from him.  “I’ve read some reports on you.”

“Should I be flattered or scared shitless?” Ward countered, arching an eyebrow.

“Probably both,” Nat admitted with a slight quirk of her lips.  Turning to Bobbi, she nodded her approval and thanks.  “You can go join Clint,” she murmured.

“Thanks,” Bobbi grinned, giving Nat’s shoulder a slight squeeze before she left the room.

With it just being the two of them now, Ward was definitely starting to look nervous.  Not quite in a flop sweat yet, but he was getting there.  His eyes kept flickering towards the two-way glass. Doubtless he was thinking of Skye. Nat was curious to see if the girl would be his excuse for supposedly betraying Hydra.

“So, Grant,” Nat mused, sitting back in her chair. “You were brought to S.H.I.E.L.D. by John Garrett.  A man all of S.H.I.E.L.D., or what’s left of it, now knows to have been not only a part of Hydra, but also batshit insane.  Is that correct?”

“Yes,” Ward said slowly.  “He did recruit me out of a juvenile detention facility when I was a teen.”

“I read that part.  Made a pretty big noise about getting you,” Nat murmured. “Though I can’t, for the life of me, guess as to why he thought you were such a prize.”

A muscle in Ward’s jaw jumped slightly as he clenched his teeth together.  Ah, so the method of his recruitment was a bit of a sore spot for him.  Interesting.

“Tell me why you think Garrett came to recruit you personally, kid,” Nat ordered.  “And don’t beat around the bush. I want the full disclosure.  And I _will_ be able to tell if you’re half-assing it.  The moment I think you’re using half-truths, then I’m out that door and your days working alongside Coulson and his team are done.  Do I make myself perfectly clear?”

There was a lengthy silence as Ward took in what Nat had said, his eyes cold and hard with an anger that was clearly several years in the making.  Finally, he relaxed slowly with a curt nod.  It was enough for now.

“Go on, then,” she urged.

“I had a bit of a bad childhood,” Grant ground out. “My brother was a monster.”

“We all have monsters in our past, kid,” Nat retorted. “What defines us is how we react to them.”

Ward looked mildly insulted by Nat’s repeated use of the word _kid_ , but he didn’t respond to that. “Christian was a special brand of cruel. He hated our younger brother, so he forced me to do his dirty work and abuse him.”

That did startle Nat.  She hadn’t read too deeply into Ward’s past beyond the method of his recruitment.  Still, she couldn’t let him see that she sympathized too soon, or else he’d use that against her. Carefully keeping her surprise from showing on her face, she nodded for him to continue.

“It was awful,” Ward sighed, looking down at the tabletop. “I hated him, and I hated our parents for being even worse than Christian.  But most of all, I hated myself for not standing up to them. Until it was too late.”

“You went to prison for setting fire to your family’s home, correct?”

“I went AWOL from military school,” Ward nodded. “I didn’t know Christian was inside. All I wanted was to burn that fucking house down to the ground so that I could put its ghosts in my past, where they belonged.”

“Then you were arrested and tried.”

“Garrett came to me while I was in Juvie. Told me they were going to try me as an adult and give me the maximum sentence for my crime.  Christian didn’t want his psychopathic arsonist brother marring his good name while he tried to get into politics.”

The bitterness radiated off of Ward in waves. Nat frowned a little to herself, considering what was being said carefully before she asked her next question.

“Why did you trust Garrett?”

“Because he gave me purpose,” Ward said, looking up into Nat’s eyes for the first time since the questions had begun. “He told me not to trust him, told me what he was, and I still gave him all my loyalty because he made me into something more than just an angry kid lashing out at the world and his family.”

Nat took a deep, steadying breath as she considered what had just been said.  That Ward was telling the truth, she had no doubt.  He really had wanted that purpose for himself as a kid, and he’d given his loyalty to the wrong person because of it.

“When did Garrett tell you he was Hydra?”

“Not long after he taught me his first lesson in survival. At that point, I was so desperate for that purpose that I didn’t bother thinking about right and wrong. I just took what he was offering me and went along with the Heil Hydra-ing and other bullshit.”

“And this was only because you had decided to be loyal to Garrett?” Nat pressed.

“I didn’t believe in anything Hydra claimed to stand for,” Ward scoffed.  “Nazi beliefs aren’t exactly my forte.  I was just a kid trying to make sense of the world I was now in and trying to impress the one guy I was loyal to.”

“Hmm,” Nat mused, idly tapping her fingers against the tabletop. “And when did you start to defect from Hydra?”

“Months ago,” Ward sighed.  “Just after the attack on London by whatever those aliens were.”

“…You started defecting last year?” Nat asked in open surprise.

“I don’t know if you’d call it ‘defecting’ in the official sense,” Ward shrugged.  “But I sure as hell wasn’t up for any bullshit from Garrett after touching the Berserker Staff.”

“I’m sorry, the what?”

“…The Berserker Staff.  It was an Asgardian artifact we found after the attack on London,” Ward explained.  “What it did was…unlock the inner rage of whoever held it.  By showing them their worst memories.”

That was not an idea Nat appreciated. She had far too many memories she would not want to have tapped into in order to unleash her own rage. It would not end well for anyone. Frowning deeply, she rubbed her chin and nodded.

“So you held the Berserker Staff, and you decided…what? That you were going to stop being Hydra?” she asked, her skepticism clear in her voice.

“Not…exactly, no,” Ward admitted.  “But it was the start of it, for sure.  After that, we ran into more and more strange things, and I started to realize that I had a purpose with this team.  A purpose that was mine; not Garrett’s, not Coulson’s, and sure as hell not Fury’s.  It was my purpose, and I valued that above all else.”

“I can appreciate that,” Nat nodded. “I can even empathize with it. But that doesn’t give me or anyone on the other side of that mirror to trust you.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Ward agreed, shrugging. “But what I did when Garrett tried to get me to be the loyal little soldier for Hydra does.”

“And what was it that you did, Ward?” Nat asked carefully.

“I disobeyed his orders,” Ward said in a low, dangerous voice.  “I was to go with Agent Hand to accompany Garrett to the Fridge, and then help him to escape by killing Hand and the other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who were accompanying his transfer as security. The idea was that, with Hydra now out in the open after Captain America’s speech, there wasn’t any reason to keep ourselves in the shadows anymore.  So Garrett planned to raid the Fridge for both weapons and persons of interest who might be willing to help overthrow the last loyal elements of S.H.I.E.L.D. and install Garrett in a place of power within the new Hydra.

“But I didn’t go along with it.  I stayed with Coulson and his team, and Agent Hand managed to get Garrett to the Fridge before he implemented his plan. They still escaped, but at least they didn’t have me to help them.  And I helped to kill Garrett.”

Nat listened to all of this carefully, mentally making notes for herself.  It was certainly a very good story.  It was even believable. But that wasn’t what she was here to decide.  What mattered was if she thought he was safe to trust.

“Tell me about Skye,” Nat said, changing tactics so suddenly that she clearly threw Ward off.

His eyes grew wide for a moment, and his mouth hung open in shock. “I—What?” he stammered.

“Tell me,” Nat repeated, “about Skye. What do you feel for her? What role did she play in your decision to defect to S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“Skye wasn’t the reason I defected,” Ward retorted hastily, trying to regain his composure.  “I defected for me.”

“But you do feel something for Skye, clearly,” Nat continued, leaning forward.  “And she clearly has some feelings for you, judging by the amount of physical contact I witnessed before we began this little chat.  So I’m going to ask you again; what role did Skye play in your decision to defect?”

A vein throbbed in Ward’s temple as he tried to regain his composure.  “Skye…is important to me, yes.  But I didn’t defect just because of that.  I did it because I don’t believe in Hydra’s mandate and I didn’t want to see innocent people hurt by Garrett’s madness.”

He was insistent as well as _con_ sistent. Nat would have to give him that much. Standing up slowly, she pushed her chair back and nodded to Ward.  “Stay here,” she told him.  “We have things to discuss.”

A helpless expression crossed Ward’s face at this declaration, but he didn’t make any move to stop her or beg her to give him more time to convince her.  He was dignified as she moved out of the room, and that was certainly a point in his favor. Moving out of the interrogation room, Nat closed the door behind her and slipped into the observation room.

“Well?” Coulson asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

James was in the corner, staring intently through the mirror at Ward as the younger man paced in agitation.  Clint and Bobbi, joined at the hip as ever, watched Nat intently. Trip looked vastly amused, while Skye was looking intently from Coulson to Nat.  May didn’t show any emotion one way or another.

“I think he’s sincere in what he feels and says,” Nat said after a moment of careful consideration.  “I don’t know if we should trust him completely, but he was telling the truth. And Skye seems to have a positive influence of sorts on him.”

Skye blushed darkly at this, her eyes flicking down to stare intently at the floor when Coulson turned his gaze towards her.

“The choice is yours, Phil,” Nat sighed. “But we do need access to your resources in order to help James, so I’d recommend you make the call quickly.”

Phil’s expression was distant as he carefully considered everything he had just watched and heard.  Then, slowly, he nodded.

“We’ll keep him on the team.  Under careful observation,” he added when Trip opened his mouth to argue.  “I’m not just going to give him open access to all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s databases.”

Trip didn’t seem to entirely approve, but he kept his mouth shut.  May didn’t even blink as she nodded her understanding.  Skye, on the other hand, lit up like a Christmas tree.  Nat noted this with a bit of amusement.

“You’re call, boss,” Nat murmured.  “Now…can I at least shower before we start looking for this machine?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially the longest chapter in this entire fic! Also, yes, I will later be exploring the in-depth reasons for Grant being a good guy in this fic. However, that will probably not happen in this fic itself, because this is primarily about the relationship between Bucky and Nat. I already plan on having a spin-off about Bobbi and Clint (because those two will NOT shut up about it), and it's looking like there might be a spin-off about Skye and Ward. So yeah! Just a little warning for all my readers.
> 
> Also, it was so FUN to write Nat being the interrogator. I don't get to do that nearly often enough.


	12. Chapter 12

A hot shower was just what Nat needed.  Standing underneath the powerful stream of water, she closed her eyes and tilted her head back.  The slow pounding of water along her spine was a pleasant and soothing rhythm, soothing her after a long several weeks of having to constantly be on the run.  It was a nice change to have the chance to be completely clean from head to toe.

After standing under the shower for several minutes, just letting the water soak through her hair, Nat grabbed the shampoo.  Everything felt so different now, with the knowledge that Phil was alive, and that they would be able to help James regain his memories.

Once she had cleaned herself off completely, she stepped out of the shower and grabbed a large towel.  Wrapping herself up in the warm towel, she grabbed a smaller one to dry her hair with.  Looking at herself in the mirror as she finished drying off, she paused.  With the blonde hair, she almost didn’t recognize herself.  Slowly, she reached up to carefully brush the bangs of her hair away from her forehead.  It had been a very long time since she had been blonde.

“You look different with your hair like that.”

Nat turned in surprise, arching an eyebrow as she realized that it was Phil standing in the doorway.  Hugging the towel closer to her body, she nodded a greeting.

“It’s been a while since you’ve seen me, period,” she sighed.  “You were kind of busy being dead.”

“Are you going to hold that against me forever, Natasha?” Phil asked, his voice suddenly very tired.  “I don’t want to keep having this fight for the rest of our lives.”

“You shouldn’t have died on us, then,” Nat retorted.

Dropping her towel without much shyness, she grabbed an old t-shirt and sweats.  Once she had gotten dressed, she turned to face Phil full on.  He had turned away the moment Nat dropped the towel.  That did make Nat want to smile a little.  Phil had always been a bit of a prude, compared to Clint or Nat.

“You know I hate it when you undress without warning me,” Phil sighed.

“You know I hate it when people I care about die,” Nat retorted sharply.  “So you don’t really have a leg to stand on.”

“I guess not,” Phil admitted with a heavy sigh.  “I’m just trying to mend fences, Natasha.”

“You burned the fucking city down when you died!” Nat snapped, grabbing her comb.  “If you think I’m just gonna let go of the pain I had to help Clint get over, then you’re sorely mistaken.”

“I’m not asking you to just forgive and forget, Nat,” Phil said, a frustrated look in his eyes.  “All I want is the chance to try and make things up to you.”

Closing her eyes tightly, Nat leaned forward until her forehead pressed against the cool surface of the mirror.  She wanted to forgive Phil; she really did.  He was a dear friend, and she had missed him terribly during the years since his “death”.  But he had also lied to her, and that was not something she was likely to forgive in a matter of hours.

What she really wanted was the time to herself to just clear her head.  Unfortunately, she probably wouldn’t get that for some time.  There was too much going on, and likely would be too much for the foreseeable future.  With S.H.I.E.L.D. still in ruins, and so much work to do to rebuild, no one would have the time to themselves for a very long time.

“So, do you want me to leave?” Phil asked awkwardly.

Looking at the reflection of her friend and former handler in the mirror, Nat found herself smiling without even meaning to.  He looked so ready to flee, if she asked him to.  She’d only ever seen him like this a few times in her life.

“And end your suffering too soon?” Nat drawled, arching an eyebrow at him in the mirror.  “What makes you think I’d do that?”

A resigned look crossed Phil’s face as she said this, his hands moving to tug lightly at the bottom of his suit jacket.  A nervous habit Nat had noticed very early in her time working with the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

“I’m kidding, Phil,” she sighed.  “If you want to go, you can.”

“Only if you don’t want me here.”

“Stubborn ass.”

“Stubborn Russian,” Phil retorted lightly.

Nat laughed quietly.  It wasn’t complete forgiveness, but it was certainly a start, and she was willing to work with that.

~~~~

The next day, Nat found James in the main kitchen area of the Playground—at least, that was what Phil said this place was called—a mug of thick, black coffee in his hands.  After filling her own mug, Nat moved to sit down across from him, smiling slightly when he glanced up at her.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t sleep much these days,” he admitted.  “The dreams are too intense for me to stay asleep for too long.”

“Oh,” Nat murmured.  “I’m sorry, James.”

“The dreams aren’t your fault,” he said quietly.  “They’re the fault of the people who did this to me.  With luck, once I get my memories back completely, we--I won’t have to worry about the nightmares as much.”  

Nat nodded slowly, smiling sadly.  “Here’s hoping,” she murmured as she stirred her coffee for a moment.  “Other than that, how are you feeling?”

“Hopeful,” he assured her with a wry smile.  “If this machine is really here, then maybe we can actually get this to work.”

“I’m a little hopeful about it, too,” Nat agreed with a wry smile.  “If it works...this will be a great moment for all of us.”

“I owe you a great deal, Natalia,” he murmured, looking over at her with a fond expression in his eyes.

Nat could feel a hot blush slowly spreading up along her neck and face at his words and  the look in his eyes.  Looking down at her mug of coffee, she cleared her throat nervously.  Heat spread through her body, pooling low in her stomach as she squirmed in her seat.  This was most certainly _not helping_ with her resolve to not seduce James.  He was still vulnerable, she told herself.  Still vulnerable, and she could not let herself take advantage of him.

“I’ll be asking Phil about the machine today,” she said slowly.  “Hopefully we can start using it right away.  But it might be painful for you,” she added, glancing at him in concern.

“At this point?  I’d rather put up with the pain than continue living with half-memories and strange images in my head,” he retorted.  “It’s been too much for me to go on with, knowing that everything I once was, everything I once knew, is just beyond my reach and I can’t quite get ahold of it.”

“I…” Nat sighed heavily, rubbing her forehead.  “Yeah.  Memory was one of the things that I know Department X loved to mess with more than almost anything.  They implanted false memories in my mind.  It took me a year of deprogramming when I first joined S.H.I.E.L.D. before I was able to tell what were my real memories and what were false.”

“A whole year?” James asked, his eyes full of fear.  “I hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“So do I,” Nat told him, gently reaching out to touch his hand.  “But if it does, you have to know that I’ll be there the entire time.”

James looked up at her and smiled weakly.  “I know, Natalia.  I...I already trust you, even if I can’t truly remember who you are and what we once were.”

“And that means a lot to me,” Nat murmured.  “It really does.”

Before James could speak to her again, Bobbi moved into the kitchen area.  She was dressed in typical S.H.I.E.L.D. workout pants and a pale grey tank top, her hair tied back in a messy ponytail.  Her eyes were heavy from sleep, but there was also a sense of alertness around her.  Nat hastily pulled her hand away from James’, looking down at her coffee.

“Oh, hey guys,” Bobbi greeted with a smile.  “Morning.”

“Good morning, Bobbi,” Nat replied.  “Sleep well?”

“Not as well as Clnt would like,” Bobbi laughed, smirking a little to herself.  “He’d much rather we exhaust ourselves the fun way.”

“I still can’t quite understand why you’re so determined to not sleep with him yet,” Nat muttered under her breath.

“Just being neighborly,” Bobbi teased with a grin.

“I...don’t get it,” James said slowly.

“Don’t ask,” Nat cut him off with a shake of her head.  “You really don’t want to know.”

James looked mildly confused, but he shrugged it off.  Nat smiled a little at this and then moved to help Bobbi with some breakfast.  Not long after, various members of Phil’s team, including Clint began making their way into the kitchen as well.  There wasn’t much talking between Nat and the team members.  When Phil walked in, she moved over to him instantly, a mug of coffee in her hands.

“Oh...Am I on your good side again?” Phil asked with a grin.

“Maybe I’m just buttering you up for what I need,” Nat retorted.  “Drink the coffee and get your brain working.”

“Ah, you want access to the machine today,” he said with a slow nod.  “Well, I’ll always accept coffee from a beautiful woman.”

“I’m not gonna be bringing you coffee much more if you keep flirting with me, Coulson,” Nat scolded playfully.  “Now come on.  Let’s talk shop.”

“You are absolutely no fun,” Phil sighed, sipping at the coffee.  A look of pure bliss crossed his face as he took in the rush of caffeine.  “Right.  Shop talk.  What do you want to know?”

“Where is the machine and how fast can we get to it?” Nat asked in a low voice.  “James has been waiting long enough, as far as I’m concerned.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s been waiting long enough too,” Phil said slowly.  “But I should warn you, I was put in that machine, and it really messes up with your mind.  It’s also pretty damn hard on the body.  If his mind doesn’t _want_ to remember what happened to him, it’s going to fight hard against that machine and what it does.”

A slow tingle of fear spread down Nat’s spine as she listened.  The idea of James in pain was enough to make her skin crawl.  But she was not about to hurt him by denying him the chance to face his memories.

“You can warn him about the risks,” Nat said slowly.  “But I doubt he’ll say no to this.”

Phil nodded.  “I’ll do that.”

“Thank you,” Nat sighed.  “Is there anything else I need to know about the machine and how it works?”

“It...it helps if someone is there to coach the person in the machine through the memories.  I was able to access my memories that were locked up inside of my mind the more someone talked to me about what I was trying to remember,” Phil explained carefully.

Nat nodded as she took in this information.  “That is actually very helpful,” she murmured.  “Thank you.  Just tell me where I need to go, and I’ll be waiting for him there.”

Phil gave her a mildly amused look before he gave her directions for a room deep inside the belly of the Playground’s underground complex.  After catching James’ eyes, she smiled slightly and nodded towards the door to let him know that she was leaving.  James met her gaze briefly and gave her an acknowledging nod of his own.  

The walk through the Playground was quick.  Nat hadn’t been to this particular S.H.I.E.L.D. location before, but it wasn’t that different from other places she had worked in.  Once she made her way to the room with the machine in question, she paused in the doorway.  It was so strange, actually being here in the room with it, and knowing that soon James would be strapped into it.  That image alone was almost enough to make her turn tail and run.  But she stood her ground.  She needed to stay here for this.

She needed to stay here for James.

Not long afterwards, James and Phil were standing behind Nat in the doorway of the room.  By then, Nat was standing beside the machine, her hand resting against the cool metal of it.  She could feel the slight hum of electricity through the machine, and it made her hair stand on end to think of how much power would be coursing through it soon, digging through the memories of one James Buchanan Barnes until he was able to remember who he was before the Winter Soldier.  As she felt the eyes of the others on her, she turned slowly to look at them both.

“Are you ready?” she asked quietly.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I think,” James replied slowly.  A few moments later, James was lying down in the machine, his eyes fixed on the cool metal above him. His metal hand clenched tightly into a fist as he took a deep, steadying breath.  “Go on,” he murmured.  “Turn it on.”

“I’ll be right here, helping you the whole time,” Nat murmured softly to him.

“I know,” he breathed softly.

“Here,” she said slowly, reaching out and taking his flesh and blood hand in hers.  “Hold on to me, and just remember that I’m here.”

“I remember,” he whispered.  “Turn it on,” he repeated.

“I’ll be talking you through the memories,” Nat reminded him, sitting down beside him.

James nodded to her, and Nat nodded to Phil.  As he saw this signal, the agent moved to turn on the machine.  Instantly, James tensed up like a coiled spring.

~~~~

“I’m want you to think back to the Red Room,” _Natalia’s voice was in the distance, but still clear to his mind._  “It’s a cold room.  There are twenty-eight young women there.  Do you remember it?”

_How could he not remember? She had been there, right there.  Brilliant red hair and bright green eyes.  She’d been there for him to admire and teach.  All he’d been able to do was stare at her.  So beautiful and so lithe.  Built like a dancer and graceful as a cat._

“Tell me what you’re seeing, James.”

“I see you,” _he breathed quietly, his mind still trapped in the memory._ “So beautiful and so young.”

“That’s good, that’s good.  Tell me more…”

_Natalia’s voice continued guiding him through the memories.  They were a whirlwind of images, colors, noises, smells and touches.  His whole body was wracked with the sensations, including the electric currents of the machine running through his mind and body.  It was almost overwhelming, but he never asked that they stop._

_When Natalia couldn’t guide him through the memories, the voice of the man known as Agent Coulson began to speak.  He told James about the War, about Steve and the Commandos.  These memories were more distant and dim; harder to grab ahold of.  But they were_ there _, and he was able to grab hold of them.  Everything began to come easier, and the pain began to lessen.  At least, that was how it felt to him.  He could hear worry in the voices of Coulson and Natalia, but he didn’t want to stop.  Not now, not when it was so close…_

~~~~

Nat looked over at Coulson in concern as James’ voice began to fade away.  He was still murmuring words now and then, telling them of things he remembered, but it was coming less and less often and becoming harder to hear him.

“Should we stop?” she whispered, biting her lip softly.

“He’s still answering, and he doesn’t seem to be in too much pain,” Coulson replied, his brow furrowing. “I think we keep going.”

Nat nodded slowly, her fingers gently squeezing around James’ as she listened to his voice.  “I just don’t want to do more harm than good,” she sighed.

“Barnes, James Buchanan. Sergeant.  3-2-5-5-7-0-3-8…”

~~~~

_It was cold and dark.  The wood of the table against his back was hard and insistent, making him want to squirm to try and get comfortable.  But he couldn’t do that, because there were leather straps across his body and legs, keeping him pinned in place.  All he could do was continue to repeat the words he had been trained to say in the event of an interrogation._

_“Barnes, James Buchanan.  Sergeant. 3-2-5-5-7-0-3-8…”_

_He repeated it over and over, trying to find the oblivion of death or at least unconsciousness to ease the aching in his body.  Then he heard a familiar voice…_

~~~~

Hours passed, nerve-wracking and tense for Nat. She wanted to scream at Phil to turn of the machine several different times whenever James stiffened as if in pain. But he never cried out, never screamed for them to stop, so they continued on.  It made her heart ache and her lungs burn as she held her breath each time his voice faded out for more than a moment or two.

“You look like you could use a rest,” Bobbi murmured as she rested a hand on Nat’s shoulder.  “You look like hell, and Clint’s chewing through his lip with worry.”

“No,” Nat sighed, rubbing her eyes. “I need to stay here. He needs to see a familiar face when he’s done with all of this.”

“And I understand that, really,” Bobbi said sincerely. “But what you really need to think about is your own wellbeing right now. You won’t do any good to him if you’re passed out.”

“I won’t do him any good if I leave the room, either.”

Bobbi rolled her eyes, shaking her head in mild frustration.  “Clint wasn’t wrong when he said you were stubborn.”

“He doesn’t understand the exact levels of my stubbornness,” Nat replied with a smirk.  “So please.  Just let me stay here with him.”

After another pause, Bobbi nodded her understanding and gave Nat’s arm a gentle squeeze.  “Okay,” she sighed.  “But you’ll need some food soon.  Remember to eat when this is all over, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

~~~~

It was another several hours later before James finished. When he opened his eyes, Nat was instantly at his side. 

“Hey,” she murmured, brushing his hair away from his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

His eyes fluttered a little bit and he shook his head slowly to clear it.  “A little fuzzy,” he admitted, smiling shakily.  “But it’s starting to clear up.”

“Are you sure?” Nat pressed, lightly touching his forehead and then his cheeks.

“Yeah,” he breathed, reaching up to gently touch her cheek.

That soft touch was almost enough to make her break down and kiss him.  But she kept herself calm, barely.  Smiling softly at him, she trailed her thumb over the curve of his cheek.

“What do you remember?” she breathed, her fingers ghosting over the skin of his jaw.

“I remember _everything_ ,” he told her, taking her hand in his.  “And you were the only good part in all of it.”

A soft blush crossed Nat’s face at this. Smiling to herself, she gently pressed her forehead against his.  “Oh thank God,” she murmured, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. “Thank God, thank God…”

“Shh, Natalia,” he murmured, brushing a hand through her hair as he sat up.  “It’s okay. It’s okay now.”

Nat didn’t bother to see if anyone else was in the room as she climbed up onto his lap.  Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she pressed a kiss to his forehead and just enjoyed the feeling of holding him. 

“You remember,” she whispered over and over, holding him close.  “You remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yay! Bucky remembers! Not too many more chapters left in this fic, I don't think. But I warn you, there will be pleeeeeenty of smut in the next chapters.


	13. Chapter 13

For several long minutes, neither Nat nor James could bring themselves to move away from one another.  They just sat there, still on the machine, their fingers gently exploring one another’s faces as they tried to come to terms with the fact that they could now both remember one another.  Behind them, Nat could hear both Coulson and Bobbi speaking in low voices, but she didn’t mind or even care right now.

“We should leave them alone,” Bobbi murmured, a slight grin tinting her words.  “They have about sixty years of catching up to do.”

“But…I have questions,” Phil protested weakly.

The sounds of two pairs of feet walking away made it clear that Bobbi had managed to convince Coulson to leave with her.  Nat couldn’t care less, honestly.  Smiling softly at James, she tilted his head slowly so she could better examine his face, taking in all the nuances of expression as he took in her appearance in turn.

“You’re so expressive,” Nat murmured, smiling gently and caressing his jawline.  “I love seeing that.”

“I never used to feel expressive,” James replied, his fingers ghosting over her chin and lips.  “Except when I was with you.”

“I know the feeling,” she laughed weakly.  “God, James…”

“Yeah,” he agreed, sighing heavily and leaning forward to kiss her shoulder.  “That’s one way of looking at it.”

Tilting his head up again, Nat just stared into his eyes for a moment or two, taking in his expression and appearance.  A part of her ached to just have him, right then and there, but she couldn’t bring herself to do that.  Not yet.  They were still so new to one another right now, and she wanted him to make the first move.  Smiling gently at him, Nat kissed his forehead tenderly.

“I really missed this,” she murmured, holding him close against her body.  “I missed you, missed seeing you every day, holding you, and just talking with you.”

“I can’t really say that I missed it,” he sighed.  “But if I could have remembered you, then I certainly would have missed you too.”

A soft smile crossed Nat’s lips as she gently caressed his hair, kissing his forehead.  “We don’t have to think about the time we lost, James,” she murmured, pressing her forehead against his.  “All we can do is focus on the future for now.”

“I’m okay with that,” James nodded, holding her hand tightly and kissing her fingertips gently.  “We can just try to make things work out for our future.”

“Our future,” Nat agreed, smiling gently at him.  Brushing his hair back again, she sighed contentedly.  “This is going to be good for us.”

“I hope so,” he said with a nod.

~~~~

“I wish you would stay here and help us with S.H.I.E.L.D., Nat,” Phil said slowly, handing Nat a large file.  “We could really use your expertise on rebuilding.”

“I think I need some time away from S.H.I.E.L.D. and all the machinations of it,” Nat shrugged, accepting the file.  “Is it all here?”

“Yeah.  You should be able to access Sergeant Barnes’ pension now,” Phil nodded.  “That combined with the bank accounts you have in the names of your aliases will let you both go under the radar for a while, I think.”

“We won’t be using his pension,” Nat corrected.  “We’re liquidating the assets in his name and donating them to the families of the Commandos.  Then we’re going to go and find Steve and Sam.”

Phil’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.  “Oh?” he asked curiously.  “That seems a rather interesting set of goals for yourselves.”

“He doesn’t want to have that money,” Nat explained.  “And Steve was his dearest friend.  He deserves to know what’s gone on with James.”

“I guess I can understand that,” Phil nodded.  “You guys stay safe, okay?”

“We will,” Nat assured him with a wry smile.  “You look after the love birds and your little gang, okay?  No more dying on any of us.”

“I’ll do my best,” Phil smiled, giving her wrist a soft squeeze.  “Good luck to the two of you.”

Nat nodded with a slight smile.  With the file of information on the estate of one James Buchanan Barnes in hand, she made her way through the Playground to find James.  She found him fairly quickly at the gym for the Playground.  Smiling to herself, she noticed the fluid movements of his body as he moved through a complex kata.  The flashes of light against metal on his arm combined with the movements of his body to make a rather impressive picture.

“James,” she called out with a smile.

He paused in his movements and glanced over at her with a smile of his own.  “Is everything ready?” he asked, panting softly for air.

“It should be,” she replied.  “You can go ahead and shower.  Coulson’s arranged for a new vehicle for us.  Not a kidnapper van, as I understand it.”

James chuckled a little breathlessly, nodding his understanding.  “Great.  Do we have more clothing or other belongings that we need to pack?”

“Well, we didn’t really bring anything more of our own,” Nat said with a shrug.  “Speaking of which, we should probably get some more clothes for both of us while we’re travelling.”

“Yeah,” James agreed.  “I don’t want to show up in front of Steve looking like a hobo, do I?”

It was a little amazing to Nat to think that James, who only the day before, had been uncertain if he would ever regain his memories, was now so optimistic.  Smiling a little to herself, Nat nodded slowly.

“We really wouldn’t want that,” she teased.  “Go on and shower.  I’ll get everything loaded up in the car.”

“I’ll see you there in a little bit,” James murmured, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

The soft, affectionate touch sent a happy shiver up through Nat’s spine as she watched him go towards the showers.  Sighing contentedly, she moved to the sedan that Coulson had gotten ahold of for her use.  It was a silver Elantra, so it wouldn’t stand out quite as much as other vehicles S.H.I.E.L.D. usually used.  Opening up the trunk, she began loading up weapons and other supplies.  It didn’t take long to do, and by the time she was done, James was making his way down to the car.  Turning to face him, she gave him a soft smile.

“You look clean,” she commented.

He certainly did.  He’d also been given some extra clothes from Grant Ward’s wardrobe, since they were of a similar body type.  The pants were a little long in the leg, since Ward had a few inches on James, but everything else fit him rather well.  They would definitely have to get him some clothes that actually fit him properly.

“I feel clean,” he retorted playfully, leaning over and kissing her gently.

Instinctively, Nat reached up to cup her hands over his cheeks, leaning eagerly into the kiss as she parted her lips slightly.  James took this as encouragement, clearly, as he pulled her closer against his chest.  After a moment, she pulled back reluctantly.

“If you keep that up, then we’re going to have sex in the backseat of a car,” she pointed out dryly.  “And I’d really rather we did it _right.”_

“You take all the fun out of seducing you,” James teased, kissing her nose gently.

“Is that what you were trying to do?” she asked breathlessly, her fingers moving along his jaw.

“Would you take it wrong if I said yes?”

“Oh God, no!” Nat laughed.  “I was rather hoping you were seducing me, because that makes it so much easier to say yes to you.”

“Then yes, I was seducing you,” James informed her with a grin.  “But if you really want, we can wait until we’re at a place with a bed.  Despite the fact that you and I have already made a habit of having far from ‘typical’ sexual encounters.”

Nat groaned a little at that image, shuddering in his arms.  “Not helping.  At all.”

“So sorry,” he apologized, not sounding the least bit sorry.

“Get in the car,” she scolded, playfully shoving him away.  “I am not going to give in and have our first time together after sixty years be a quick fumble in a car’s backseat.”

“Yes ma’am,” he laughed, winking at her as he climbed into the passenger side seat.

Shaking her head in amusement, Nat moved into the driver’s seat.  Glancing at James, she felt warmth spread through her body.  He was so handsome, she thought to herself, and now he finally remembered her.  With a soft smile, she reached over to take his metal hand in her own hand.  The familiar sensation of cool metal against her skin was comforting as she pulled the car out of the Playground underground parking lot.

“So where are we headed?” James asked quietly.

“New York,” Nat explained slowly.  “Steve’s familiar with the terrain there, and there’s neutral ground I can call him to.”

“You can’t possibly be afraid of him hurting you or me, can you?” James asked with an arch of his eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m not afraid of him hurting us,” Nat assured him with a shake of her head.  “What I’m worried about is that he’ll make a big scene.  So it’s better to bring him to neutral ground where he can’t blow things too out of proportion.”

“...Yeah, okay, I can buy that,” James chuckled.  “He can be a bit dramatic when he’s angry at someone.”

“So that _is_ something he’s always done,” Nat grinned.  “Well, that explains that.  But we have a few days to get to New York, and I’ll call him after we get there.  I don’t want a pissed off Captain America waiting for me.”

“That makes two of us,” James admitted sheepishly.

“It’s okay to be scared of a crazed Captain America, you know,” Nat laughed as she pulled out onto the highway.  “He is a super soldier.”

“I’m not _scared_ of him,” James protested with a snort.  “I have a healthy respect for what he can do.”

“Uh huh, sure,” Nat grinned at him.  “We’ll stop at at least one hotel on the way over to New York.”

“One?” James asked with a smirk.  “That should be fun for us both, at least.”

A hot blush ran along Nat’s neck and cheeks at the tone of his voice.  She was thinking about all the horribly filthy things he could and probably would do to her.  That was a very unfair tactic on his part, she decided.

~~~~

They’d been driving for almost seven hours by the time Nat pulled into the parking lot of a hotel.  Leaning over to kiss James’ cheek, she slipped out of the car to check them into the hotel.  

“Hey,” she called back.  “Stay there.  We’re gonna go clothes shopping before we settle in for the night.”

James’ answer was to salute to her with a grin.  Smiling back at him, Nat moved to the reception desk.  It didn’t take too long for her to get them a room.  It wasn’t too impressive, but it was affordable and it would give them a place to relax in.  With the key cards in hand, Nat made her way out to the car and slipped back into the driver’s seat beside him.

“Now for clothing,” she said with a smirk.  “As cute as I think it is seeing you in pants and a shirt that are a bit too big for you, I know you can’t be that comfortable.”

“It’s a little difficult, yeah,” he admitted with a shrug.  “I saw a few shops not too far away, so we don’t have to go far.”

Nodding with a chuckle, Nat pulled the car out of the hotel parking lot.  They didn’t spend long in the clothing shops.  Just long enough to get a few pairs of jeans and a large selection of shirts for James.  He was rather amused by the selections of Captain America themed t-shirts, and even bought a couple of them.

“I swear,” Nat laughed as he came out of the fitting rooms in a blue t-shirt with an image of Steve’s shield on it.  “If you wear that when we talk to Steve, I will require permission to film his reaction.”

“Oh, you have that permission and gladly,” James grinned at her.  “If I get to walk out of this store wearing this shirt.”

“Done and done,” Nat replied.  “Come on, gorgeous.  I want you alone and in a bed in the next hour, or else you and I are going to both go insane.”

“Damn, I like the sound of that,” he growled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.  “Let’s go.”

It took even less time to buy the clothing than it had to select it.  With a couple of bags worth of clothing now in their possession, they hurried back to their car.  Soon they were back at the hotel.  Locking up the car behind them, Nat hurried into their room, fumbling a little with the key card.  Almost as soon as they were inside, James tossed the bags of clothing onto the chairs in the sitting area of the room.  Taking the bag that was in Nat’s hand, he tossed it aside to join the other one before he pulled her close against his chest, slamming the door shut behind them.

“Oh thank God,” she moaned softly, pulling his face down for an intense kiss.

As their lips met, Nat found herself melting into the arms of her lover.  For the first time in their entire history together, they could have sex and not have to worry about running away or hiding their relationship from their superiors.  It was a relief and a thrill all at once to know this as she twisted her fingers in his hair, tugging him closer.

“Clothes are in the way,” she growled, tugging at his newly acquired t-shirt.  “I don’t want Captain America between us right now.”

James laughed softly at this, taking a step back from Nat to tug the shirt off over his head.  The motion did very interesting things in the way his muscles shifted underneath his skin.  Groaning low in her throat at the sight, Nat reached out to press her hand against the skin just over his heart.  His pulse was already racing, which gave her more than a little confidence herself.

“My turn,” she murmured, slowly pulling her shirt off over her head.

The moment that James’ eyes focused on the black, lace bra she had chosen to wear, Nat was grateful she had picked it.  His pupils were blown wide with lust as he moved closer to her again.  In a swift move, his metal arm moved around her waist and lifted her up onto the bed.  

“Thank God you got a king sized bed in the room,” he grinned broadly.  “Because I plan on making full use of it.”

“Gonna take me through my paces?” Nat teased, stretching out underneath him, her arms stretched out over her head.

“That and more,” James promised, hovering over her and pressing lazy kisses along her bare stomach as he did so.  “You’re as beautiful as I remember, Natalia…”

“So are you,” she replied, toying with his hair with a smile.  “Pants?”

Between heated kisses, exploratory touches, and soft laughter, they managed to get one another completely naked.  The press of naked skin on skin sent shocks of pleasure through Nat’s body.  

“God,” James murmured reverently as he looked her over.  “Natalia, I…”

“I know,” Nat whispered.  “No more talking, okay?  I need you right now…”

“Do you want me to be inside of you?” he asked, kissing her jaw tenderly.

“Not just yet…”

“Then I think I know just what to do with you, beautiful Natalia,” he grinned, nibbling gently at her jawline.

Nat shivered in anticipation as his kisses moved down her body.  His lips brushed over her nipples, sending shocks of pleasure through her as she moaned his name.  Reaching down, she twisted her fingers in his hair, tugging lightly.  A soft moan escaped his lips as his kisses moved further down her body.  By the time he reached her hips, Nat was practically a puddle of lust and pure need.

“Oh God, James, if you don’t do something to me in the next five seconds…” she moaned weakly.

“Relax, Natalia, I have you.”

Smirking up at her, James slowly flicked his tongue out over her already wet folds.  The sensation of his tongue against the sensitive flesh sent a shudder through Nat’s entire body as she mewled his name.  Her fingers tightened in his hair for a moment before relaxing as his lips and tongue began to slowly explore her pussy, familiarizing himself with her once again.  When his lips brushed over her clit, she tensed with a soft cry of pleasure.  

“So good,” she praised, guiding his head with her hands still buried in his hair.  “That’s it, _miliy moi_.”

Clearly encouraged by her words, his exploration of her folds and clit became more intense.  Soon Nat was thrashing and writhing underneath him, the touch of his tongue against her clit sending electric shocks through her entire body.  Then, with a sharp cry, her whole body tensed underneath him, her hips twitching as her inner muscles clenched firmly with the waves of her orgasm.

It took her a few moments to slowly come down from the high of climax.  By the time she relaxed completely, she pulled James up over her body.  Smiling up at him, she pulled him down for a deep kiss.  The taste of herself on his lips and tongue was erotic, and pulled a moan of pleasure from deep in her throat.

“I love you,” she breathed, brushing his hair away from his face.

A soft expression crossed James’ face as he brushed his own fingers through Nat’s hair, his forehead pressing against hers.  “I love you,” he murmured.  “I wanted to say that to you so many times in the past, and I hated that I couldn’t tell you.”

“I hated it too, James,” she sighed, looking up at him.  “But now we can say it without any fear.”

He nodded slowly, kissing her gently as he pressed closer against her.  The hardness of his cock, while very much present, wasn’t exactly insistent just yet.  Of course, that was not likely to remain the case for very long.  Kissing him back gently, Nat toyed with his hair, rolling her hips slowly against his.

“Please,” she moaned into his mouth.  “I need to have you inside of me.”

A low sound of need escaped James as he slowly guided himself into her.  It was a little strange, having him inside of her again after so long, but it was hardly a bad kind of strange.  After a moment to regain her equilibrium, she began to roll her hips against his.  They moved slowly, their hips pressing close against one another as they moaned and panted for air.

Soft words of praise were the only conversation between them.  Fingers moved to link together as they moved together.  Pleasure built up quickly inside of Nat, her legs moving to hook over his hips.

“Close…” she breathed weakly.  “Oh God, James…”

Slowly, his fingers moved away from hers and pressed against her clit.  That touch was just enough for her.  Stiffening against him with a weak cry, she moaned as her inner muscles clenched tightly around him.  A moment later, she felt the twitching of his cock and heat of his seed inside of her as he groaned her name into her ear, his fingers tightening around hers.

“I love you,” he whispered into her ear.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, once these two get going, I can't really stop them from smexing each other up all over the place. If I hadn't stopped the chapter right there it would have been smut for about twenty pages!


	14. Chapter 14

Nat woke up to find James’ arm draped gently over her waist.  It was a strangely comforting sensation, knowing that even after hours of making love to one another, he still wanted her enough to stay plastered against her back.  Smiling to herself as she became more awake, she stretched out slowly against his body.  A soft sound of contentment escaped James’ mouth as she stretched out even more.

“Good morning,” she breathed softly, smiling over her shoulder at him.

“Mmm, morning,” he replied, pressing a lazy kiss to her shoulder with a smile.  “It’s a little amazing…waking up with you in my arms.”

“I know,” she agreed, still smiling to herself.  “It feels incredible, to say the least.”

They stayed like that for another hour.  Just holding one another, taking time now and then for gentle kisses and slow touches.  Nat was reluctant to get out of bed.  They didn’t _have_ to be in New York immediately, so they technically didn’t _have_ to leave today.  If they really wanted to, they could just stay here for a few days.

James must have read her mind.

“We should get going,” he sighed reluctantly between kisses, his fingers sliding along her side gently.  “Even if I don’t want to.”

“We don’t have to, honestly,” Nat pointed out with a slight smile, hooking a leg over his hip to pull him in closer.  “Steve isn’t expecting us yet, and Tony won’t be exactly thrilled to see us regardless of when we arrive.”

“But we said it would be a two day trip,” James retorted, propping himself up on an elbow and looking down at her.  “I thought that was the plan.”

“The plan,” Nat interjected, running a hand along the smooth muscles of his back, “is to get to New York.  I didn’t have a specific time frame in mind.  Mostly because I planned on seducing you last night regardless of whatever else might happen.”

“You little minx,” he laughed, leaning down to capture her lips in a slow and heated kiss.  “You just want to stay in bed with me.  Now I know why you love me.”

“If you’re thinking I only love you for your dick, then you are sadly mistaken,” she grinned, pulling him closer still by pressing her hand against the small of his back.  “I love other parts of you just as much.”

“Please, enlighten me,” he teased.

“Well, for starters,” Nat mused, her fingers lightly tapping out a tuneless beat on his spine, “there’s your mind.  I love your mind and how it works.”

“That’s such a politic thing to love,” James snarked, grinning down at her and kissing her nose fondly.  “Please tell me it’s not just my brains and my sexual prowess.  Because if it is, I might feel a little objectified.”

“And here I thought loving you for your mind would fix that problem,” Nat grinned.  “But no, it’s not just your brains and bedding skills, _miliy moi_.  Your heart is another thing I love about you.”

“Now I feel emasculated.”

“Picky, picky, picky!” Nat laughed.  “You’re just not going to be happy with anything I say, are you?”

“Something like that,” James shrugged, his eyes full of suppressed laughter.

“Oh, I see how it is,” she grinned, pulling him down for a slow kiss.  “Maybe I should just stop talking.”

“Might be best,” he replied between kisses.  “You and I both know you’re much more eloquent when you don’t speak.”

“One-track mind, dearest?” she scoffed.

“Only with you.”

“Well, that’s just so flattering,” Nat drawled with a roll of her eyes.  “So is that a yes or a no to us taking our time getting to New York?”

“Clever segue there,” James praised sarcastically.  “It’s a yes.”

“I’m the best at those,” Nat nodded, rubbing his back softly.  “Excellent.  Let’s start with some breakfast.  I’m starving.”

“I’d hope so,” James rumbled low in his chest.  “I gave you quite a workout last night.”

Swatting lightly at her lover’s chest, Nat playfully shoved him off of her and moved to get out of bed.  Since they had chosen a rather cheap hotel to stay in, the likelihood of getting room service was rather low.  There was a continental breakfast, though, and Nat was not about to pass up free food.  Once she had gotten her bra and panties on, she bent down to recover her jeans from the floor and then her blouse.

“You didn’t get any clothes for yourself?” James asked, the sheets of the bed draped almost scandalously low on his hips.

“I didn’t really need to,” Nat explained with a shrug.  “I have plenty waiting for me in New York and my go-bag in the car, so it’s not like I’ll be in the same clothes the entire way there.”

James arched an eyebrow at her with amusement clear in every line of his face.  “I see,” he chuckled.  “All right, then.  Should I get out of bed too?”

“It’d probably be best,” Nat laughed as she shimmied into her jeans, rather pleased with how his eyes followed the bouncing of her breasts.  “If you want food, that is.”

“Oh, I am hungry.”

Nat was almost certain he didn’t mean hungry for food, but James at least knew that he couldn’t run on empty, no matter how much he might want to.  Slowly, he slipped out of the bed, the sheets clinging to his body for a brief moment before leaving him completely bare.  Nat’s eyes wandered over him without any shame as she tugged on her shirt.  Why should she feel shame about this?  She had been denied the chance to openly admire the man she loved for far too long, and she was going to damn well enjoy the time she had now.

In a matter of minutes, James was dressed and ready to go.  Reaching out for him, Nat smiled when his hand instantly sought hers out.  Their fingers interlaced as they made their way out of the room, key cards in their pockets.  The spread of food for breakfast wasn’t particularly inspiring, but it would get the job done.  With their hands still connected, they began selecting their breakfast foods.  Nat noted with some amusement that James made a beeline for the eggs and bacon portion, while she went for the Belgian waffle machine and fruits.

With their plates loaded with food, they found a small table in the breakfast room to sit at that would allow them both to see all new arrivals to the room and assess if they were a threat.  While it wasn’t likely that they would find themselves having to deal with Hydra agents in this particular hotel—Nat suspected that Hydra would shell out money for 4 or 5 star hotels to their agents—the danger was still very real.  They couldn’t afford to let their guard down, no matter how happy they might be right now.

Thankfully, breakfast was uneventful for them both as they ate in content silence.  Their hands were almost always touching in some way, as though they both felt the need to ensure that the other was real and there.  By the time they finished, Nat was almost ready to start making out with James right there on top of the table.  Judging by the lust in James’ eyes, he felt much the same.  Hastily, she stood up and took care of her trash.  James followed close behind her, his fingers finding hers as they made their way back to their room.

“I think Steve can wait a couple days longer,” James breathed as Nat fumbled with the key card to get the door unlocked.

Once the door was open, they didn’t even hesitate.  They were inside the room and had the door closed behind them in record time.  Clothing was gotten rid of even faster.  By the time James finally kissed her, Nat was already almost entirely naked.  The cool metal of his left arm was a sharp contrast to the heat of lust that pooled inside of Nat’s body, making her feel overheated and sensitive to every touch.  

Finally, they were both completely naked and on the bed once more.  This time, Nat was on top as she straddled James’ hips with a wicked grin.  A look of absolute adoration crossed James’ face as he looked up at her, his hands resting gently on her hips.

“You going to be the one to fuck me this time?” he asked, his voice husky with want.

“Would you like it if I did?” she asked with a soft smile, petting his cheek tenderly.

“It’s a very pleasant image,” he admitted with a grin.  

“Then I will,” she murmured.

Leaning forward, she pressed a kiss to his lips, cupping her hands over his cheeks.  Between the kisses, she reached down between them to stroke his cock gently.  A low growl of need was her answer as she trailed her fingers along his length.  He was already almost completely hard, so it didn’t take long for him to be completely ready for her.

Keeping her hand on him, Nat slowly guided his cock inside of her, moaning at the sensation of being full again.  They began to move in time with one another,   Soft moans accompanied the sounds of flesh against flesh as Nat leaned down for another kiss.

Within minutes, she was close to orgasm.  Reaching between them, she rubbed at her clit, moaning softly.  James watched her eagerly, his fingers moving to join hers, urging her on faster.  Finally, with a rush of pleasure, she came hard.  Only a few moments later, she felt James’ climax.  Smiling softly at him, she gently stroked his cheek.

“God, I love you…”

~~~~

In the end, they took an extra day before they got back on the road again.  By the time they did get back on the road, Nat was still reluctant to take any time away from just rediscovering who she and James were as a couple.  But they did have someone very important to deal with.  

It took them a total of two days to get to New York, after their little one-day stop.  By the time they arrived, Nat was more than a little nervous.  She liked Steve well enough.  He was a good man, and genuine in his morals.  But he was also Captain America, a super soldier, and very scary when he wanted to be.  It was not likely that he would take her going after James on her own very well.  Not after he had asked her to look into his past for him and get his file.

“Hey,” James murmured softly, taking her hand in his.  “It’s going to be okay.”

“I hope so,” Nat sighed with a shake of her head.  “It’s just going to be difficult to talk to Steve about this.”

“Yeah,” he admitted with a heavy sigh of his own.  “But we’ll work it out.  I know we will.”

Nat nodded slowly, reaching over for her phone and selecting Steve’s number.  “I guess it’s now or never.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it's a short chapter this time. My apologies. But these idiots just wanted sex and I have to get this plot moving! Next chapter, Steve!


	15. Chapter 15

Stark Tower, now rebuilt and—in the immortal words of Tony Stark—completely capable of taking on any psycho alien gods was still quite a sight to behold.  As Nat and James pulled up in front of the tower, James arched an eyebrow in surprise.

“Stark?” he read off of the side of the tower.  “As in…?”

“Howard procreated, yeah,” Nat replied with a wry smile.  “And from what Steve says, the apple did not fall far from the tree.”

“…Oh joy,” James sighed.

With a comforting smile, Nat parked the car and took a deep breath.  She hadn’t spoken with Stark since the Battle of New York, two years previously.  That was mostly because she had flat-out told Fury that she would not, under any circumstances, be a liaison with Stark again.  While Nat had a huge amount of respect for Tony’s work as Iron Man, his personality was such that it just rubbed her the wrong way after overexposure.  Or any exposure, for that matter.

Still, she had wanted neutral ground to meet Steve on, and this was as neutral as one could get short of entering Switzerland.  Stark had no official affiliation with S.H.I.E.L.D., and his father had helped to fight Hydra, so he wasn’t exactly inclined to agree with the neo-Nazi group.  Of course, Nat would much rather meet somewhere not constantly monitored by the AI J.A.R.V.I.S., but she didn’t exactly have much of a choice anymore.

“Did Steve say when he’d be here?” James asked quietly, his hand finding hers as they walked into the tower.

“A day or two.  I think he went to Kiev just a little before we did, then to Moscow.  We just barely missed meeting up with him while we were there,” Nat explained.

“Is it terrible of me to say I’m actually glad we missed him?” James chuckled with little mirth.  “I don’t think either of us would have known what to do if he’d seen me before I had all my memories back.”

“No,” Nat reassured him with a smile.  “It’s not terrible of you to say.”

“ ** _Hello, Agent Romanoff_** ,” the pleasant, British voice of J.A.R.V.I.S. greeted as Nat pushed open the door of the tower.  “ ** _Mr. Stark was not expecting a visit from you.  Shall I alert him that you’ve arrived_**?”

“I’d appreciate it, J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Nat said with a slight smile.

James looked duly impressed by the AI’s voice and arched an eyebrow at Nat.  “So is that just the voice of the security system, or is it something more?” he asked curiously.

“I think it’d be better if J.A.R.V.I.S. explained himself to you,” Nat chuckled.  “J.A.R.V.I.S., if you’d be so kind as to greet Mr. James Buchanan Barnes and explain what you are to him?”

“ ** _I should be delighted, Agent Romanoff_** ,” the AI replied.  “ ** _Welcome to Stark Tower, Mr. Barnes.  I am J.A.R.V.I.S., the Artificial Intelligence that runs the entirety of this building, as well as Mr. Stark’s Iron Man suits and his home in Malibu.  I trust this was a sufficient explanation for you_**?”

James couldn’t stop grinning.  Turning to look at Nat, he nodded his approval.  “Please tell me that Stark at least managed to make flying cars a thing,” he said.

“I’m not so sure about that one,” Nat admitted with a wry smile.  “But I know S.H.I.E.L.D. was looking into designs before it all went to hell.”

“Damn,” James sighed dramatically.  “Oh well.  There’s a cool AI in the ceiling.  That’s a pretty good start.”

“ ** _Thank you for your kind words, sir_** ,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied.  “ ** _I shall be sure to express your approval to Mr. Stark_**.”

Nat laughed openly at this, leading James along to the elevator.  After informing J.A.R.V.I.S. that they wanted to meet with Tony in the living quarters portion of the tower, the elevator began to move up…and up.  When they stepped out of the elevator, Nat was very openly impressed by what she saw.  The tower had been an impressive building when it was first built two years before.  Time had allowed Tony a chance to improve it even further.  The decorations and furniture were in Stark’s typical style of expensive and ludicrous, but there were some hints of Pepper’s influence in the less garish color scheme.

What surprised Nat the most, though, was the enormous picture of the Avengers.  Framed and set on the wall in a place of honor was an image taken from a newspaper article on the Battle of New York and the mysterious group of heroes that had emerged during it to save the world.  The article itself was in another frame, immediately underneath the large picture.  Tony had clearly had someone enhance and enlarge the image, so that it was clear who was in it.  Nat smiled a little to herself as she remembered that day and the teamwork that had managed to come out of the “chemical mixture that makes chaos” Banner had described them as being.

“That’s…a good picture of you,” James murmured.  “What happened that day?”

“Oh, that is a very long story that I will tell you later,” Nat promised, smiling wryly at him.

James didn’t get a chance to argue with her.  Sweeping in with all the flair for the dramatic that he possessed—which was a great deal—Tony Stark came in with a grin.

“Nat!” he greeted, coming over to shake her hand.  He had learned a long time ago that his masculinity would be safer if he didn’t try to be overly familiar with her.  “Been a while.  What brings you to my neck of the woods these days?”

“Tony,” Nat replied with a wry smile, shaking his hand firmly.  “I needed to use you shamelessly.”

“Oh, I wish you would,” Tony grinned.  “But Pepper might demand that you share.”

“You can tell Pepper I’m not about to get in the way of her claim,” Nat smirked.  “No, I just need to use your tower as a meeting place, that’s all.”

“And there goes my lifelong dream of a threesome with two redheads,” Tony sighed dramatically.

“…You were right.  Apple didn’t fall far from the tree,” James groused behind Nat.

Tony turned at the voice and arched both eyebrows in surprise.  Then, slowly, recognition entered his eyes.  Nat braced herself, just in case things turned ugly.  She had dumped everything in the shared S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra databases on the internet and Tony—being Tony—would have devoured those files like a five year old with Halloween candy.  Now she had to wait and see if he might react violently towards the man who killed his parents.

“Holy Shit, so it’s true,” Tony muttered.  “You are alive.”

“That seems to be the general consensus,” James drawled.  “Stark…about your parents—”

“Hey, no big deal,” Tony interrupted, shaking his head.  “It was a long time ago, it was Hydra, and we don’t have to talk about it right now.”

Nat arched an eyebrow at this, but she was not about to question Tony’s lack of violent responses.  She would have to deal with an upset Steve Rogers, so she didn’t want to also deal with an upset Tony Stark.  That would be too much for her at this point in time.

“If…you say so?” James said with a wry smile.

“That I do,” Tony nodded.  “So, is Capsicle about to make an appearance, or do I have time to evacuate?”

“He’ll be arriving in a day or two,” Nat explained with a shrug.  “So you have time to get away if you want.”

“I think I’ll be in Malibu,” Tony said with a smirk.  “You crazy kids have fun while I’m gone.  Don’t blow up my tower again. It just got finished for the second time.”

“I’ll leave it in pretty much the same state that I found it in,” Nat reassured him with a wry smile.  “Have fun in California.”

“Oh, I always do.”

~~~~

Tony didn’t take too long leaving the Tower.  With him gone and only J.A.R.V.I.S. to guide them around, Nat and James set about exploring.  To Nat’s great surprise, one of the first things they discovered was that the “living quarters” part of the Tower had been extended to cover a total of seven floors.  Each new floor had a corresponding button with a particular symbol related to one of the Avengers on it within the elevator.

“I’m almost afraid to push this button,” Nat murmured as she and James stood inside the elevator, her fingertips gently brushing over the button with the red hourglass symbol on it.  “Tony has a talent for overdoing things.”

“Well we’ll never know until we push it,” James pointed out.  “Shall we?”

Nat gave him a wry smile and pressed the button curiously.  The elevator moved so smoothly that she almost couldn’t feel it.  When it came to a stop, she glanced over at James, tempted to turn and run away from all of this.  She really didn’t want to see what Tony’s idea of a floor dedicated to the Black Widow would look like.

“Natalia,” James murmured, taking her hand in his.  “I’ll be here for you the whole time.”

“I know you will,” Nat laughed weakly.  “Okay, let’s see what horrors Tony has in store for us.”

“You’re so cynical.  It’s adorable,” James grinned, kissing her nose tenderly.  “Come on.”

Almost as though J.A.R.V.I.S. had been waiting for them to decide whether or not they actually wanted to get off at this floor—which was actually entirely possible, Nat thought—the elevator doors opened slowly.

To Nat’s great surprise, the decorations in the room were...tasteful.  Her eyebrows shot up in surprise at this.  “Pepper must have been responsible for this,” she murmured to herself.

“Well, it’s certainly not the horrors you were anticipating,” James pointed out with a grin.  “Do you want to explore it to see if Tony actually made some horrifying contribution?”

“Oh shut up,” Nat grumbled, elbowing him in the stomach lightly.

“ ** _I trust that you will now find the living arrangements for yourself and Mr. Barnes to be up to your standards, Agent Romanoff_** ,” J.A.R.V.I.S. commented, his voice sounding oddly smug for an AI.

“We’ll wait to pass judgment until I see the rest of the ‘living arrangements’, I think,” Nat commented with a wry smile.

“ ** _I can certainly respect that, Agent_** ,” the AI commented idly.

Moving out into the main living room, Nat gasped in wonder as she realized just how huge the space was.  Slowly, she began to examine the other rooms.  There was a wonderful kitchen--all top-of-the-line appliances--then there was the bedroom and the enormous master bath.  What surprised her the most, though, was the gymnasium that Tony had installed.

“...J.A.R.V.I.S.?” Nat asked weakly.

“ ** _Yes, Agent Romanoff_**?”

“Is this a full gymnasium?”

“ ** _To my knowledge, yes it is_**.”

Shaking her head with a wry smile, Nat turned to look over at James.  “Well, it’s certainly not a horror.”

“I take it you like it?” James asked with a slight smile.  

“I think I do.  Let’s hope my mood doesn’t get ruined when we have to talk to Steve tomorrow.”

~~~~

There was no way to miss when Steve did arrive at the tower.  For one thing, J.A.R.V.I.S. was quick to report his arrival.

 _ **“Agent Romanoff, I think you should know that Captain Rogers has entered the tower and is on his way up the elevator to the living quarters.**_ ”

“Oh hell,” Nat sighed heavily.  “Are you ready, James?”

“As I’ll ever be,” James replied gently.  “Should I be in the room when he first comes in?”

“I think you should go out.  I need to get him...ready to know about you,” Nat admitted, touching his jaw softly.

“No, I understand,” James murmured, kissing her palm softly.  “I’ll be in the bedroom.”

“We won’t tell Steve that’s where you were,” Nat pointed out, making a face.

James laughed quietly and kissed her fingers again before he moved quickly into the other room.  His timing was almost perfect.  Only a few moments after he had slipped out of the room, Steve Rogers swept into the living room.  Steve paused for a moment when he realized where he was, looking as surprised as Nat had felt when she first saw the floor that was dedicated entirely to her.  Once he got over the initial surprise, he moved over to Nat.

“Not exactly what I expected,” he admitted, smiling wryly.  “How are you holding up, Nat?”

“Pretty well,” Nat sighed, reaching out and hugging Steve close.  “All things considered, that is.  How about you?”

“I’m...okay,” Steve said, smiling slightly.  “Not great, but okay.”

“Please tell me you at least called Sharon,” Nat teased, trying to make that smile reach his eyes.

“Haven’t really had the time,” Steve chuckled.  “But I almost did the other day.”

“Progress!” Nat grinned.

“This isn’t why you called me to New York, though, is it?” Steve asked, arching an eyebrow.  “Why did you call me here?”

“Damn, you’re good,” Nat sighed, moving to sit down on the couch.  “You sure you shouldn’t be a spy, Cap?”

“Natasha,” Steve said quietly as he sat down with her.

“Right,” Nat nodded.  “You...remember what I told you about the Winter Soldier?  And how I knew about him?”

“Ye-es,” Steve said slowly.  “Why?”

“Because I didn’t tell you everything.”

A look of hurt and distrust crossed Steve’s face as he took in what Nat was saying.  “Why didn’t you tell me everything?” he demanded.

“It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you,” Nat said hastily, reaching out to touch his hand.  “It really wasn’t that, Steve.  It was...because I knew what I would have to say would hurt you.”

“And what did you have to say?”

“That she and I were lovers once,” James said, coming into the living room.

The room went deadly quiet as Steve stiffened at the sound of his friend’s voice.  “Bucky…?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another cliffhanger because I am EVIL! Mwahahahahahahaha!


	16. Chapter 16

Nat sighed to herself as she watched the growing shock on Steve’s face.  A part of her was amused by the fact that he looked like someone had smashed him over the head with a frying pan.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t exactly an appropriate time for her to start laughing in the face of a new friend.  Squirming a little in her seat, Nat closed her eyes for a moment and then sat back.

“Steve.  You clearly know James,” she said with a wry smile.

James gave her a rather disapproving look at the tone in her voice.  He still took her hand in his and laced their fingers together.  Steve’s eyes followed the movements of their hands, his eyebrows arching in shock as he took in the fact that they were actually showing such affection openly.  James took in the look on Steve’s face and sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head a little.

“It’s not as strange as it might seem, Steve,” he pointed out.  “Natasha and I have…quite a bit of history.”

“That…seems to be what she just told me, yeah,” Steve stammered.  “What I’d love to know is why she didn’t tell me this when I told her about the Winter Soldier being the one I saw attacking Fury!”

“Okay, first off,” Nat said firmly, “it was a very bad time to explain the minutia and details of my past relationship with the Winter Soldier.”

“Did you know who he was then?” Steve pressed.

“I had my suspicions about his true identity for years,” Nat admitted.  “But, again, it was not a good time.”

“You could have made the time for it!”

“Oh for—” Nat made a noise of frustration, closing her eyes for a moment before she stood up and began pacing.  “This is ridiculous, Steve.  Do you not remember already what kind of a hell we were in the middle of when James first came back?  Because I do.  There wouldn’t have been any time to tell you all that I have to in order for you to understand our relationship.”

“So please,” Steve said, his teeth gritted in frustration.  “Please start explaining to me.”

Sighing in even more irritation, Nat turned to look over at James, her hand reaching out for his.  In an instant, his hand reached out in response, his fingers lacing together with hers with the ease that had come back to them in such a short time.  Once more, Steve’s eyes followed this movement carefully, his expression hard to read.  Nat couldn’t tell if he was jealous, confused, or angry.  But judging by the look in his eye, she would have to tread very carefully as she explained things to him.

“How long have you two been together this time?” Steve demanded.

“Romantically? Not quite five days.  In general…a couple of weeks,” Nat said slowly, smiling over at James.

“…You two don’t waste any time, do you?” Steve asked, arching an eyebrow.  “You couldn’t wait for things to cool down?”

“Given the fact that we haven’t seen one another in sixty years?” Nat retorted, moving to sit beside James, her arm moving around his shoulders.  “It wasn’t something we exactly planned.”

Steve frowned more at this, leaning back in his seat and rubbing at his jaw lightly.  Nat watched him closely, waiting for him to be ready for her to explain everything.  It took just a little bit longer than she had honestly anticipated.  Smiling sadly at them, Steve nodded for them to go on.

“I guess now’s the time for that explanation,” he sighed.  “If...you wouldn’t mind?”

“I don’t mind, Steve,” Nat assured him with a slight smile.  “I guess we should start at the beginning, shouldn’t we?”

It took several hours, and at least a few breaks for drinks and food to manage to get the entire story out.  Steve was a very good listener as a whole.  He only asked questions when he felt that either Nat or James were holding back some information, and if they had a good enough reason for holding it back, he wasn’t about to press them on it.

By the time they had completely finished, Steve had cried at least once.  Nat was honestly surprised he hadn’t broken down a few more times.

“That is…God, Bucky,” Steve whispered as he wiped at his eyes.  “I’m so sorry, Bucky.”

“I know, Steve,” James murmured.  “But none of this was your fault.  You thought I died.  Hell, there was literally no way that you could have known for sure if I’d lived or died.  Absolutely _nothing_ that happened to me in Russia was your fault.”

“It wasn’t, Steve,” Nat added, reaching over to touch her friend’s arm.  “Trust me.  It wasn’t.  But now we can try to make things better for all of us.”

Steve smiled weakly at this and gently touched Nat’s hand in return.  “It doesn’t really make me feel that much better,” he sighed.

“I didn’t really expect it to,” Nat admitted with a shrug.  “Because you’re a decent man, Steve Rogers.”

“Thanks for saying it,” Steve smiled wryly.  “Bucky, I…” he added, turning to look at his friend.  “God, there’s a lot I wish I could say to you.”

“Well, now we have a chance to set things right,” James murmured, giving his friend’s shoulder a squeeze.  “If you’ll give me the chance to try and make up for all the shit I was made to do.”

“Bucky,” Steve sighed.  “You weren’t you.  You had no control over what happened and no way to change it.”

“Doesn’t make it much easier for me to swallow, you know,” James grumbled, holding Nat close to his side.  “But thanks all the same.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Steve said fiercely.  “And we’ll ensure that you aren’t put on trial for the crimes of the Winter Soldier.”

“How can you possibly promise that?” James demanded.

“Because I care about you as a friend, Bucky.  And I won’t just let them put you in prison for something you had no control over.”

Nat blinked rapidly, wiping her eyes hastily to hide the tears that were suddenly welling up.  It wouldn’t do for Steve and James to see her crying right now.  For one thing, Steve had yet to see her cry _ever,_ and she didn’t want this to be the first time he saw her showing that kind of weakness.  James glanced down at her and, upon seeing the tears glistening in her eyes, pressed a kiss against her temple.

“ _It’s okay, miliy moi_ ,” he murmured in Russian.  “ _You can go ahead and cry in front of Steve.  He won’t hold it against you._ ”

Nat smiled weakly up at James, wiping her eyes again and sighing heavily.  “ _I will, though_ ,” she replied quietly.

“ _Then you can cry later_ ,” he smiled, kissing her forehead.

Steve watched them both closely, smiling a little bit to himself.  “Honestly, you two are pretty cute,” he admitted sheepishly.  “I guess it makes sense, though.”

“Why thank you, Captain Rogers,” Nat teased in English.  “That’s high praise from the man whose pretty face caused a thousand broken hearts.”

“Only a thousand?” James grinned.  “Old boy’s losing his touch.”

“Oh shut up, Barnes,” Steve blushed.

“Make me, Rogers.”

“You’re both ridiculous,” Nat smiled, leaning her head against James’ shoulder.  “But I am grateful for that.”

“So are we, honestly,” James with a wry smile.  “Wait a minute…” he added, his expression thoughtful.  “Who’s this Sharon?”

Nat burst out laughing at this, shaking her head with a grin.  “Oh her,” she grinned.  “I’ve been trying to set her up with Steve for a while now.  She was posing as a nurse living in his building to keep an eye on him for Fury.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, huh?” James grinned over at Steve.  “So why haven’t you called her yet?”

“Because I was looking around for you!” Steve protested, his cheeks turning a very interesting shade of red.  “I’m not in a good position for a relationship right now.”

“And it’s been how long since you last had a date, Steve?” James smirked.

“That is none of your beeswax, you punk,” Steve retorted sharply.

“That long, huh?” James chuckled.  “So tell us more about Sharon, Nat.”

“She’s rather impressive,” Nat admitted, leaning back against James’ chest.  “Not very stuck up, which is rather amazing considering the fact that she’s a legacy.”

“…A legacy?” Steve asked in surprise.  “How so?”

“Oh, she’s a Carter,” Nat explained.  “You couldn’t tell just by looking at her, of course.  She’s pretty good about keeping it close to her vest.”

A strange choking noise escaped Steve’s mouth, much to James’ amusement.  His chest and arms shook with laughter as he held Nat against his chest, pressing his forehead against her shoulder.

“She’s Peggy’s daughter or granddaughter?” Steve demanded in shock.

“Oh, no,” Nat reassured him, reaching up to stroke James’ hair fondly.  “No, she’s Peggy Carter’s grand-niece.”

“Oh, _that_ isn’t weird at all!” Steve scoffed.  “You were trying to set me up with the relative of my old flame?”

“In my defense, Sharon’s an amazing woman and you’d enjoy going out with her,” Nat pointed out with a shrug.  “She’s fantastic.”

“It’s still a little odd, y’know!” Steve protested.

“Well, let me know when you get over it,” Nat shrugged.  “I’ll just go ahead and call up Sharon for you, since you’re chicken.”

Steve began sputtering a bit like a broken engine.  James didn’t stop laughing for several minutes.

~~~~

Steve left not that long after everything had been explained.  Nat couldn’t blame him for wanting to get away so he could think for a while.  They’d just told him almost ten years worth of information about the two of them.  Steve would probably be sorting through all of the facts for several weeks before it all started to make a great deal of sense to him.

Then there was the fact that they’d both been teasing him about Sharon.  Rather mercilessly, if Nat was perfectly honest about the whole thing.  Poor Steve would probably be stained red for a few weeks to come, at the very least.

“So, you really were trying to set Steve up?” James asked, coming up behind Nat and wrapping his arms around her waist.  “I think that’s kinda sweet of you, honestly.”

“Well, who else was going to?” Nat asked with a wry smile and a shrug of her shoulders.  “I hope he does call Sharon.  She’s good people, and she’d be good for him.”

“Yeah,” James murmured, kissing her hair tenderly.  “Either way, I’m glad he had you there with him when I was…y’know.”

“I know,” Nat murmured, leaning back against his chest, her head falling back onto his shoulder.  “I know, and I wouldn’t have had it go any other way, James.  Things have actually managed to turn out pretty well, all things considered.  Clint is happy with his blushing bride, Phil’s alive and has a new family, I have a new place to stay, and I have you.”

“When you put it like that,” James mused, “It does sound pretty hopeful.”

“If everything goes the way it has been so far, I might just become an optimist,” Nat joked quietly, smiling up at James.

“What a shocking turn of events,” James grinned down at her, kissing her forehead as his hands gently explored the curve of her hips.  “The Black Widow as an optimist.  The world may end because of that very fact.”

“Don’t get smart with me,” Nat snorted, rolling her eyes.

“Is that a shot at my intelligence?” James laughed, kissing her temple fondly.

“Never, _miliy moi_ ,” Nat smiled up at him, reaching up to touch his cheek gently.  “You know I wouldn’t do anything like that to you.”

“Because you are far too good to me,” he murmured, nuzzling at her hand.

“I could say the same to you,” Nat retorted with a smile.  “Everything is going to be good for us from now on, James,” she added quietly.  “Steve will adjust, and we’ll get through the difficulties Hydra brought us.”

“With you here, I can almost believe that,” James whispered into her hair.  “Thank you for finding me.”

“I always will.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think this is it, my loves! Thank you for reading this! And I'll be doing a story about Bobbi and Clint in a short time, promise.


End file.
